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| not what 65% looks like |
Or you know, maybe he'd be green and have a meltdown and with the substantially harder judging at a recognized shows, we'd beat down my confidence without helping him.
We're not paying $400 to find out. I just can't.
Instead of showing at the big shindig I'd been working towards for well over a year now, I went and volunteered. It's great to help out and see the scene and blah blah blah something about giving back and something about being supportive.
You know what sucks?
Busting your ass to work towards a big goal and failing.
You know what sucks?
Busting your ass to work towards a big goal and failing.
I can try to be optimistic and say that it turns out there were a lot of good life-reasons that I'm glad I didn't just shell out $$$ to go to a show. Or I can say "there's always another year". Or a lot of things. I'm a pretty positive person and I'll get over it. I always do.
But right now, it sucks.
I'm not mad at Courage. I'm frustrated--why do I live in a region where our only recognized shows are early in the year? Why can't I afford to do all the things and go all the places to turn my horse into a seasoned campaigner overnight? Or even some of the things and some of the places and get some decent exposure? Why do all the shittiest things always happen to me in May, no matter how carefully I plan?
There's a lot of meta whys and no answers other than "you ought to get over yourself and be grateful for what you have, you whiny overgrown child".
But right now, it sucks.
I'm not mad at Courage. I'm frustrated--why do I live in a region where our only recognized shows are early in the year? Why can't I afford to do all the things and go all the places to turn my horse into a seasoned campaigner overnight? Or even some of the things and some of the places and get some decent exposure? Why do all the shittiest things always happen to me in May, no matter how carefully I plan?
There's a lot of meta whys and no answers other than "you ought to get over yourself and be grateful for what you have, you whiny overgrown child".
I'm still doing the slow, consistent, simple work at home and Courage is progressing really well. I know life is bigger than horse shows and I know I'm luckier than a lot of people.
And tomorrow, I'll try to feel better about that.
And tomorrow, I'll try to feel better about that.
That last meme nearly made me spew tea all over my monitor :)
ReplyDeleteOK, that last meme WINS THE INTERNET! I think we all need to take time to wallow in the crappiness that is the bursting of our bubble, and then keep on keepin' on.
ReplyDeleteI feel the same way sometimes. I have a green TB that likes to express himself much like Courage. There is one show this year that is perfect for him. Of course it's the first weekend of June. We will not be attending. We will be at home, working through all the feels. Sigh.
ReplyDeleteCome to our July shows in Bozeman! Dressage under the Big Sky. A bunch of Idaho folks are coming up for it. Closing date is June 29th, so you still have time to train up. It would be fun to finally meet!
ReplyDeleteBig hugs to you! I am right with you on the Why Me Train with Sydney's leg injury and probably missing the two first shows of the year of an already very limited show season due to two big barns that use to host shows being sold. Ugh.
ReplyDeleteI've been a whiney overgrown child a lot this week. Sometimes it is allowed. Especially when pie can be involved.
ReplyDeleteWe definitely need another no judgement pie day.
DeleteThat last meme is internet gold.
ReplyDeleteBlows my mind recognized shows are $400 there, thats crazy!! Then again I live in Southern OH and near KY where there are shows literally every weekend. Still, that sucks, I'm sorry. You're working at it still though, thats important. We all know horses have god awful timing.
Recognized shows are really bloody expensive. It blows.
ReplyDeletei seriously relate to this post. and if it makes you feel even the slightest bit better - i *do* have a relatively seasoned campaigner (for our level and purposes) and she won't reliably play any more either.
ReplyDeletewe need a support group.
Yes. We do.
DeleteThank goodness for the support of internet strangers. I'm feeling the same way, but some great convo's with people I've only met once is helping me slog through it <3
ReplyDeleteI hear ya! It is tough to live here and only have shows for 1/12th of the year... But maybe you could do some more schooling shows in new places? And get some experience that way? Like.... do the Kuna derby dressage TOC... Will I see you there? I hope so! Also... how much is a test at a recognized dressage show? Your post scared me!
ReplyDeleteYes! Thanks for posting! I am struggling with the no shows yet this year blues at the moment - a first for me in 5 yrs.
ReplyDeleteWallowers in solidarity
ReplyDeleteIt is frustrating. I totally get it. I have not shown in over a year, not for lack of trying.
ReplyDeleteSo understand this. I mean I actually HAVE shelled out the money for a rated show, and then FAILED the fuck out of it. NOT a good feeling.
ReplyDelete$400 is a lot of moohla to go to a show when you don't know for sure (not that we ever do) how it's going to go. But seriously, thank you for volunteering; I know it's not the easiest thing to go to a show and help out when all you want to do is be the one showing. Soon enough man, soon enough.
ReplyDeleteNot meeting a goal super sucks. I think horse people are generally pretty driven and competitive, and not meeting a goal feels a whole lot like losing, which is never fun. Not going to tell you to get over it, because I know you will, and imo you are 100% absolutely allowed to be sad and mad and whatever else you want to feel about it at least for a little while.
ReplyDeleteI love the meme too.
ReplyDeleteI'm with you on not spending all that money for experience. It was hard last year to go and help out at a show when I had wanted to be there with my gelding (who passed away before we got to show). It sucks. But it passes.