We Go to a Horseshow Part the Third and Final

Yesterday was a weirdly emo note to leave off on. I was very, very confused. Frustrated. Not angry, not really sad. Just sort of in this weird brain space where nothing felt right or good or bad or anything. I wasn't (and I'm not) mad at Courage. I was just stumped. I couldn't point to things that should have changed. I can't fix it and I can't make a plan, because I don't know what's wrong. Or if anything's wrong. Or if it's normal. Or if it's me. Or if it's him.

I read some articles and talked to one of my favorite hot OTTB experts and window shopped for first level horses, which confirmed that I can't afford them. And then I did what everyone having a weird horsey-crisis should do--go back to the show grounds to crew for a friend.

gotta scratch the itch

The weirdest thing happened.

I saw the hellmare.

And see, I haven't seen her in almost five years. She and I had a hate/hate relationship and after some complications with her sale, I have no contact with her owner. Which is fine. They deserve each other.

So I'd spent the previous 24 hours thinking I needed a warmblood and then I saw the one I used to own and watched her go around. And yeah. She's still gorgeous. And fancy. And all that.

Oh, and she's 100% still evil and I don't miss her for a second. I didn't want to ride her. Or see her. Or pet her. Or anything.

enough about that bitch. let's talk about this guy.

And I guess in a really odd way, that sort of put it in perspective for me.

I can't afford a made horse, which means I have to make my own.

Making my own is going to mean bumps in the road.

The bumps I had with the hellmare made me want to quit riding entirely.

The bumps I have with Courage are confusing and confounding, but he's not trying to kill me.

um plus how cute are we?

 And the more I think about it, the more I'm ok with it. All of it. Courage had to learn to do all the movements in the tests slowly and at home. Now he's learning how to put them all together in the dressage court and it's hard for him. It's going to take time and patience there just like it took time and patience at home. He's still my horse, the one I can't wait to see and enjoy figuring out.

well. most of the time.

We're not brilliant this year. We're not even very good. It hurts my pride to get terrible scores because I know how much better we're capable of, but the only way to prove that is to keep working.

enjoy the journey

One day at a time.

PS does someone want to buy me nice show gloves? Size 8. In case you were thinking that my sad, dead crochet gloves need to go.