EVENTING BINGO BITCHES

Cough. I'm not on tramadol. You're on tramadol. And something about your mom. BUT IM BLOGGING BITCHES. Ha!

Without any further ado, here is/are my entry(ies) to Emma's massively confusing but probably super awesome contest that I want to win. So please don't enter. Because this tack ho wants some sweet swag.

BINGO CARD B

I'm using my man C-Rage for this one because he is the ass kickingest jumpering horse I know.

just maybe not with a rider

C-Rage and I rolled in to our first recognized event together like NBD cuz we kick all the asses at all the sports. He unloaded and natural-horsemanshipped himself for a while outside my 4 horse head to head living quarters trailer that I pull with my giant ass semi with a sleeper cab for my driver/groom/pool boy. When C-Rage was good and ready, the pool boy tacked him up and we headed to dressage. I wasn't worrying about my ride time because I told the judge I'd get there when I was good and ready. We came down centerline in perfect and harmonious passage. Judge gave us an 8 on that. Then we did a legit capriole into our halt. I wasn't sure if that part was scored or not so we threw in a few more caprioles and a levade here and there to demonstrate how we'd win the dressage.

Which did. Win it. Score under 20. That one 8 on my centerline was the lowest score in the whole damn test.

We were doing training because of how good at eventing we are. I was more concerned with C-Rage practicing his school canter for our PSG debut the next weekend, so we got SO MANY TIME PENALTIES on xc, but they can't eliminate us for that. Foot perfect, they call rounds like mine.

Then stadium. I panicked a little because my pool boy overcooked my lunch and screwed with my pre-ride aroma therapy so I totally didn't ride the smallest fence on course. Ooops! Stop. Good news--I was so far ahead in my division of just me that I still totes won it.

how champions practice

Yeah.

BINGO CARD C

Our second event was less glorious.

Let's just say we jumped out of the dressage ring after the salute, felt our way through stadium but somehow only had one rail, then chipped to the drop into water on xc and I went swimming. Good thing they gave out ribbons for showing up.

#nailedit

Yup. That's bingo. Or at least. I think it is.