Premonition Rumination

We're still not talking about Courage, so let's talk about not-Courage. 

One of my goals for this year is to ride other horses. Initially that goal was because Courage and I weren't getting along and I needed perspective. Now Courage and I are getting on just fine.

But.

While I'm not giving up on Courage, it's time to start thinking about what the future looks like.

I once had a friend tell me that the best way to do that was to pick a custom breeding and buy the baby in utero and then let it grow up while riding my current horse.

She's right.

BUT.

You have to know what the hell you want out of horses for that to be a super good plan.

And I don't.

I'm doing dressage right now because my horse can't jump. I like dressage well enough, but I'm not married to it as a sport, so I don't really need a "dressage horse". I'd like to do a recognized event above beginner novice at some point in my life, but realistically, I don't have the guts to go past training, which means I don't need a purpose-bred event horse. I like show jumping and I'd probably be fine with hunters, but I don't have the $$$$$$ for the A circuit and our local scene isn't enough to make a super hot, scopey horse make a lot of sense. Plus I like other things like trail riding and toodling and goofing off and playing dress up and randomly going to open shows.

And then there are practical considerations.

d'awww

The adorable painty mare I rode was an absolute love and she would toodle and trail ride and dress up with the best of them, but her sporthorse-competitiveness tops out a bit below where I'd want to be. Possibly she'd be more competitive in the western world, but I know nothing about that and don't have a burning urge to find out.

fanceh!

The friesian cross mare I rode was wicked cool, but I know a lot about what went into making her that way and I don't think I'm the person who could have done it. She is absolutely an amazing horse and I respect that, but I know myself as a horseman too well to think I could replicate her.

goofy the baby

The warmblood gelding was a super nice guy, and again, I'm flattered that I was able to snag a ride on him. But. Again. The brain match for me was not good. I don't always mesh well with warmblood types and that is not a knock on them, just a realistic thing about me.

western pony!

And I mean. I love Courage. And I have ridden a lot of thoroughbreds. And yeah, I get along well with them. But. I am ready to do something different. I would like a horse that gets tired eventually. I am too old and amateur-like at this point to really think starting over with a track horse sounds like a fun idea and you couldn't give me a thoroughbred that didn't learn a work ethic on the track. No thank you.

I noticed when I was hanging out with Roxie's mom that I said I hated a lot of things.

Like Arabians. Except I don't actually hate arabians--I just am not interested in mindlessly reactive, hot, tiny horses. Obviously, there are nice arabians. I even know a perfect one. But. The perfect ones are not for sale. And they're still tiny.

I also have a reputation for hating draft horses. Which is only sort of true. What I mean is that I don't do well with mindlessly non-reactive giant ogres that don't give a shit about me. Which is not all draft horses. But they do have that reputation for a reason.

And then we can look at horses that I have ridden this year and absolutely adored:

HAMPERSAND

ROXIECORN

There's one thing these horses have in common: their amazing owners have put YEARS OF WORK into making them the cool horses they are today.

Oh and the other thing is that the raw material they started with suited their personalities really well.

And the third thing is that they didn't pay through the nose for them.

And the fourth thing is that they're actually both draft crosses, albeit of very different stripes.

ON NOM NOM

Oh and then Roxie's mom said something about Cleveland Bays and that made my little horse nerd brain go DING DING DING because I have known some of those and they are cool horses and she knows a breeder.

So that little wheel is turning in the back of my brain too.

I don't know how serious I am about looking. A lot of it depends on that one thing we're not talking about.

it's pretty tho

Talk to me, adult ammies. How did you end up with the horses you have?

I RIDED A ROXIECORN

I dunno how many of you follow I is Roxie, but you should. I've known Roxie's mom for a couple years now. A couple weeks ago, I was texting her about Courage's ongoing situation (let's... not talk about that today) and was like WAH EVERYTHING SUCKS AND IM DYING and she's like "come ride my Roxiecorn".

obviously

And as Karen knows, you really shouldn't invite me to your house and offer to share your horse unless you really, actually, for real mean it.

Because I show up.

and so does Roxie

I really don't think photos can quite capture all of Roxie's glorious bigness. Also she is basically perfect. 

Roxie's mom rode Potato and I swung up on Roxie. 

and

OMG YOU GUYS

the pony giggles are real. 

I'm a tall human-sized-human but Roxie makes me feel like a tiny child. And also she is perfect at trails. We followed. We lead. We walked, trotted, and cantered. 

And the whole time I had my hands in the mane, reins on the buckle, and giggled like an idiot because Roxie is SO MUCH FUN. 

The scenery was to die for, the weather was perfect, and the company was impeccable. The tree jizz was a bit over the top, but meh. It was just nice to have trees I thought. 

At one point I was even like OMG ROXIE'S MOM TAKE A PICTURE OF US.

IS A ROXIE

And that was just day one! When we were plotting day two, Roxie's mom mentioned that she had a unicorn horn for Roxie that she'd never used. 

Which like. 

yup

Obviously. If I'd known in advance, I so would have dragged a princess dress along and made everyone play dress up, haha. 

ROXIE JOMPING

Instead we played with Roxie bareback. And then I got a turn!

Roxie's mom trying to get ears up

Roxie not impressed

I was super sore from the day before and also haven't been on a horse bareback in like two years, so opted not to trot, but it was so fun to toodle around on a giant Roxie! 

And then many cookies were fed to the glorious Roxiecorn. 

favorite shot

All in all, it was a super fantastic weekend and I will definitely be back to harass Roxie and her mom again. 

On Falling Short

Kind of a grim topic today, so I'll try to distract you with beautiful photos of Courage as a western horse. 

together

My excellent photographer friend took these gorgeous shots while we played western horse on Saturday. She was supposed to come back out Monday and do some fun dressage pictures because girlfriend freaking rules the world of trotting pictures with an iron fist.

But I rode Courage Sunday just to see how he'd go, now that he's injected and X-rayed and acupunctured and rested.

Some parts of that ride were phenomenal--he turned right like a champion. He was a whole different horse in the contact. His body was adjustable. His back didn't disappear underneath me.

And no matter what I did, his stride was two inches long and he freaked out when I tried to get it any longer.

I could try to play it cool and be like "yeah totes got off and made a plan and was 100% professional about it", but that would be a straight-up lie.

I resisted the urge to immediately cry or call the vet, but I really wanted to both simultaneously while sitting in the parking lot drinking a sad beer. (Possibly did buy 5 pizzas on the way home, but who's counting?)

he's something special to me

It kills me that this little guy is trying so damn hard to do the right thing and he's still hurting.

I know intellectually that there are still options on the table. All this means is that what we've done so far isn't enough.

I know I'm working with a good team and have a great support system. I'm even lucky enough to be in a place where I can throw money at this (not like I'm shelling out for lessons or shows or clinics, right?)

such class

The harsh reality of the situation keeps smacking me in the face.

Courage is 12, which is not old, but it's too young to retire. I can't in good conscience push him through what I know is a pain response. The idea of just mucking around not riding for the next decade makes me want to die inside.

Hopefully the wear and tear on his body hasn't progressed beyond where we can get him comfortable.

Hopefully we can find a way to manage it. Hopefully we have a plan. Hopefully things will stabilize and we have many years of happy adventuring yet to go.

that neck tho

That doesn't make the present easy.

So That Happened

Because I am an eminently rational and emotionally stable person, I possibly had a full-on "omg my horse is permanently broken and will never horse again might as well give up now and just do trails" meltdown.

While on eBay.

You can probably see where this is going.

pretty.

I made a lowball offer on a western saddle that I thought was pretty. I did have a couple western friends including Alyssa) sort of eyeball it and say it might not be utter shit. Because like. I know NOTHING about western stuff. Nada.

I thought the seller would sit on it for a day and then turn me down.

But instead I had a totally reasonable counter offer within about ten minutes.

Did not see that coming.

well now it's in my house

Fortuitously, a good friend and sometime western rider was coming in to town this past weekend.

Which is good. Because you don't just slap a western saddle on a horse. You need all kinds of western shit like a latigo and an off billet and a sweet ass felt pad. Oh and it's mega hard to tack up without a cinch. WHAT SIZE OF CINCH. How would I know.

I dragged said friend to the western-y store and probably killed a lot of her brain cells figuring out what I actually needed (actual quote "so you put the penis thing in the hole? HOW DO SLOBBER STRAPS GO ON")

STRAPS

That got expensive quickly.

And um. Possibly we were feeling up much fancier western saddles and now I'm like "don't want cheapie want real thing", but that's another problem for another eBay meltdown.

Anyways I dragged friend and all the newly acquired shit out to the barn and took waaaaay too long trying to figure out how to put it all on. I mean. I have put a western saddle on before, but let's be real, it's been a while.

totes put a curb on so he'd look badass. totes did not ride in it lulz.

I did a quick lunge for Courage just in case he thought the saddle would eat him or something, but homeboy was fine.

And then I gracelessly flopped into the saddle, realized my stirrups were way too long, almost fell off the side trying to fix them, and finally got them to a different length that is hopefully closer to right.

My horrible hunter perch is bad in a dressage saddle and worse in my western saddle, but Courage was fantastic and western friend yelled at me enough times that hopefully when I get pictures back, not all of them are terrible?

Haha.

Don't hold your breath.

Stick a Needle In It

I am not a hippy dippy woo woo person. You start talking about vibes and energy and my eyes have crossed if I'm even still in the room. 

I R BITE THE THING

But the vet said acupuncture might really help C and since dumping bushels of money down a rabbit hole is basically the description of me owning a horse as an adult, I figured what the hell.

Full disclosure: many years ago I rode a horse that someone paid for acupuncture on. The horse fell asleep with the needles in, but I noticed zero change in performance. That is my entire history with acupuncture.

that purple padding tho

This is the same vet who did Courage's chiropractic appointment a couple weeks ago. She rechecked him and said that his previous pain hotspots already felt much better and that he just looked better generally since his shoeing changes and injections. Then she asked what I expected out of an acupuncture appointment.

I managed to leave "hippy dippy woo woo" out of my response and said I wanted to try and change muscle memory of pain and help Courage realize he felt better. She came back with two things that were very interesting.

1) Horses in general are very honest about what hurts and doesn't, which is why we can do nerve blocks on them. They don't just sit around thinking about pain.

2) She doesn't really buy in to the "energy" stuff around acupuncture. She said that more and more, they are finding out that the meridians through the body actually follow fascia lines and very little is understood about them. In her mind, the acupuncture is more about stimulating the fascia and the resulting electrical response, which is why it helps the horse.

needles!

Then it was time to stick needles in him! She used points that were correlated with his various pain issues--a couple in his neck, his coronet band, lots in his SI area, and some down through his stifle. She also stuck one in his head. I thought probably there should be a couple more there, but I was trying to pay attention and be non-distracting instead of turning it to the SB show.

When I say "stuck needles in", I do mean she carefully felt for correct points and had a very deliberate process and everything was symmetrical--one in this side means a matching one in that side.

IS LAPTOP COOKEE

Then she let him "cook" for a while while she made notes on what she'd done in his file for future reference.

pokey needles

Courage stood quietly for part of it, then got restless and started moving around, so she carefully pulled the needles out. Per her instructions, he gets the next day off, then back to work. She warned me he might be fine and he might feel REALLY GOOD, so be alert, haha.

The vet mentioned she gave me a slight discount (for reasons?), so I paid the same as a regular chiropractic adjustment, which wasn't horrible.

so wet

And that was kind of that. It wasn't all magical and woo woo and I don't really know what I think of it. I'm excited to see how he comes back in to work and if I notice any changes.

Everything is (Not) Awesome

We have officially reached the NQR step of "wait and see what happens'.

but this pic is awesome

It is not my favorite step.

I do not like it Sam I Am.

There is just so much in play--scary x-rays and shitty joints and muscle memory and oh yes my horse is a super reactive princess. Oh and my own post-rehab status means sometimes I get excited and DO ALL THE THINGS, which ends up being a bad decision from a human pain management perspective.

But hey--managing my own pain levels helps me be more in tune with his. So like. I get that even when you take away the source of the pain with injections and shoeing changes, there's still the muscle memory of the pain. And the pain from compensating for the pain. And the fear that the pain will come back.

And those things all super suck. But someone needs to alternately hold your hand and kick your ass until you get past it and find what works.

he needs a ninja goddess

The irony here is probably that my technically-non-verbal horse is probably more communicative with me than my stoic self was with my own therapist, but let's not overthink that.

Instead, let's think about the delicate balance this is. I have to give Courage the space to react and express himself and let him figure out what hurts and what doesn't.

BUT

That does not mean abdicating my role as trainer in this relationship.

Just because he can react doesn't mean he gets to tune me out.

So that's complicated.

And then there's things like how he looks freaking phenomenal on the lunge line to the left, but kinda fair-to-middlin' to the right. He's definitely starting to trust it more and look better as we move away from the appointment, but it's not great. I rode Saturday and he turned right like a champion TWICE. That's 200% more times than he's done that highly skilled maneuver since like... March?

But as long as we're overthinking things, our Monday ride was the reverse--tension, constant spookiness, ZERO coping skills or ability to turn right. Does that mean he feels better (hence the spooking) or he's trying to change to subject because he hurts (hence the spooking)? Or even. Does it mean he's starting to feel sore in new places because he's using his body differently and the spooking was just the big storm blowing in?

I have no fucking clue.

that makes both of us

Deep breath.

There are several pieces of good news.

The first is that I feel like shit, so he's not working super hard. We do a couple exercises and call it a day. That works out to letting him get comfortable in his own skin and figure out where he's at.

The second is that he's seeing the acupuncture vet this afternoon. She's great and should be able to give me more feedback about what direction we're headed.

The third is that there is no timeline. By all accounts, injections take a while to hit maximum effectiveness. It's not as if there's a magic pill that will reverse the damage that's done and management will take time to sort out no matter what. If this round doesn't do enough, there are plenty more options to explore.

And we have time.

impressionist art by iphone

Just Call Me the Halter Girl

I have a thing for strap goods. ( you uh... might have noticed). Quality leather speaks to me, and if you think I've a bridle snob, you've never seen me around halters. Which I own a lot of. For reasons. 

I mean, I'm not sure Courage was even home yet when I ordered him his custom halter. Ocala Tack Shack, cob size, havana with stainless hardwear, english chin.

halter #1 Ocala Tack Shack

It's a great halter--fantastic leather, triple stitched, whatever. Big problem: when I was ordering (like almost 4 years ago), I forgot to specify I needed a throat snap. Hence they didn't put one on. Hence it's annoyed me for probably the last 3.5 years.

However, it's my halter and you don't ride in halters and what the hell, right? It's an $80 halter. I'll suck it up and deal with not having my $2 snap that I forgot to order. 

Of course, then there was the little incident where someone decided trailer loading was a Courage-optional activity and I watched Alyssa flail around for an hour+ with my horse in a flat halter. 

this r how we dressage

And if you've ever used a flat halter, you know that it's an imprecise tool at best. 

Next purchase was the "Bad Boy Halter", aka a knotted rope halter with one of those weird natural horsemanship lead ropes that's uber long.

all 'tude

To me, this halter is a tool. The knots are designs to put pressure on the sensitive parts of the horse. The rope is thin and stiff with some bite to it. This halter says PAY ATTENTION. (also imho given these things, it's ignorant/mean to crosstie in a rope halter and put the weight of the ties on the bridge of the nose where there are knots sitting, but I'm a hater and lots of people do it so ymmv). 

It's not pretty. I don't brag about this halter. However, if I want to do training on the ground or have more control when I travel, this is my #1 choice. Oh and since we're doing some comparison pricing, I think this set up cost me $40ish and came from my local western tack store. 

Things can never just be easy, so next step was when Courage decided that being caught in the field was also a Courage-optional activity. 

And while I agree there's nothing funner than chasing your idiot horse for an hour+ in the hot sun and then walking up to him, only to have him spin and fly away the moment you pull a halter out, sometimes that's not fair to the barn workers who handle him. 

So we snagged a turnout halter with one of those insta-breaking crowns. 

and a fancy nameplate

Again, this halter is a tool. Courage went on an eight week bender of pretending he'd never been caught before in his LIFE and this halter let you just snap a lead rope on him vs playing the OMG WILD MUSTANG STALLION MUCH AFRAID OF HALTER game. (That game is only fun if you're the stallion, btw. Trust me.) 

Then eventually he started letting people catch him again and this halter got stowed in the bottom of my trunk "just in case". For the eight weeks we needed it, it was $25 well spent at a local feed store. 

You'd think that would be enough halters and you'd be right.

Unless your two year old nephew goes to a tack store and picks out a purple nylon halter for your Christmas present. 

why yes that is the cutest thing i've ever seen

Plus. In addition to being literally the cutest thing ever (and super sweet by my SIL), the purple halter made me smile and while it also did not have a throat snap, at least I hadn't paid $80 to not have said snap. 

in the interest of uniformity

Cost=priceless. I adore this halter. 

However. I also despise winter hair and Courage despises grooming, so he gets clipped. I don't know if you've ever tried clipping in a standard halter, but it is a PITA. I've done it. Several times. For I dunno, a couple years now, I've had my eye on a convertible grooming halter, so the horse is normally restrained, but then the throat/chin section completely clips out. CWD makes one, but I wasn't $200 interested. Plus Renate has some choice words about the quality of that product. I've whined about it on and off and never found one that I liked enough to pay for. 

ok

But digging through a bin at Rolex, Leah ran across one and then when I was like "yeah but do I $30 want it" she was all BUY IT OR I SLAP YOU QUIT YOUR BITCH ASS WHINING. 

So that happened. It was $30 well spent. It's double stitched, which makes sense for what it is. It's Perri's leather, so it's acceptable but not incredible. It's brand new and not broken in, but I want it for clipping a few horses a few times a year, not daily use. It'll probably last the rest of my life and be fine. 

And again. That's more than enough halters. Many, many people would happily have one nylon halter for the life of the horse and call it good AND NOT BE WRONG.

Where's the fun in that? 

So Courage and I have been through a lot together and where we are is not where we were and I like having a nice leather halter and dammit that lack of a throat snap still annoys me, even if we've been without one for so long that Courage has forgotten halters can slide on and sliding them on prompts the WILD MUSTANG NEVER BEEN HALTERED response. It's cool. I can fix that.

purple stitching even omg <3

So I did.

That's a Peacock Leather beauty with a bunch of fun custom options, ordered at an excellent booth at Rolex.

AND THEN you would think I definitely had enough halters.

And you would be right.

But the morning after I got back from Rolex, I got a call from a Kentucky area code before the ass crack of dawn. A very peppy sounding lady from Kentucky told me I had won a custom leather turnout halter that I had no recollection of entering for. She even read me the custom options I selected and didn't ask for credit card information, so I figured it probably wasn't a scam and gave her my address.

d'awww

This bad boy showed up. (The halter, not the teeny).

pretty!

It's a cob size, havana leather, brass hardware turnout halter from Central Kentucky Tack and Leather.

That I won.

And I never win things, so that's super cool.

purple is for champions

And no, despite taking/uploading all of these pictures, I haven't totaled up how many halters that is. I just know it's probably more than I "need".