Everything is (Not) Awesome

We have officially reached the NQR step of "wait and see what happens'.

but this pic is awesome

It is not my favorite step.

I do not like it Sam I Am.

There is just so much in play--scary x-rays and shitty joints and muscle memory and oh yes my horse is a super reactive princess. Oh and my own post-rehab status means sometimes I get excited and DO ALL THE THINGS, which ends up being a bad decision from a human pain management perspective.

But hey--managing my own pain levels helps me be more in tune with his. So like. I get that even when you take away the source of the pain with injections and shoeing changes, there's still the muscle memory of the pain. And the pain from compensating for the pain. And the fear that the pain will come back.

And those things all super suck. But someone needs to alternately hold your hand and kick your ass until you get past it and find what works.

he needs a ninja goddess

The irony here is probably that my technically-non-verbal horse is probably more communicative with me than my stoic self was with my own therapist, but let's not overthink that.

Instead, let's think about the delicate balance this is. I have to give Courage the space to react and express himself and let him figure out what hurts and what doesn't.

BUT

That does not mean abdicating my role as trainer in this relationship.

Just because he can react doesn't mean he gets to tune me out.

So that's complicated.

And then there's things like how he looks freaking phenomenal on the lunge line to the left, but kinda fair-to-middlin' to the right. He's definitely starting to trust it more and look better as we move away from the appointment, but it's not great. I rode Saturday and he turned right like a champion TWICE. That's 200% more times than he's done that highly skilled maneuver since like... March?

But as long as we're overthinking things, our Monday ride was the reverse--tension, constant spookiness, ZERO coping skills or ability to turn right. Does that mean he feels better (hence the spooking) or he's trying to change to subject because he hurts (hence the spooking)? Or even. Does it mean he's starting to feel sore in new places because he's using his body differently and the spooking was just the big storm blowing in?

I have no fucking clue.

that makes both of us

Deep breath.

There are several pieces of good news.

The first is that I feel like shit, so he's not working super hard. We do a couple exercises and call it a day. That works out to letting him get comfortable in his own skin and figure out where he's at.

The second is that he's seeing the acupuncture vet this afternoon. She's great and should be able to give me more feedback about what direction we're headed.

The third is that there is no timeline. By all accounts, injections take a while to hit maximum effectiveness. It's not as if there's a magic pill that will reverse the damage that's done and management will take time to sort out no matter what. If this round doesn't do enough, there are plenty more options to explore.

And we have time.

impressionist art by iphone