In Search of Confidence: **** YEAH

He's pretty great

I've blogged for so long about my jumping confidence and lack thereof. I've gone on ad nauseum about how I'd had to remove all any shadow of pressure from myself, both by putting myself in supportive environments and then accepting myself for where I'm at and just being ok with jumping hundreds of tiny fences.

I've learned to separate out the naysayers and ignore the people who think my super talented horse should move along faster and jump higher. It's been a long, hard project. It was a little hard to even post my video from my last lesson because the jumps looked minuscule even to me.

But you know what?

It's worth it.

So, so worth it.

I'm developing that "dressage hunch"

I cleaned stalls this morning and stared at the jumps that were set from a more advanced horse. They were big for me and more technical than normal.

And I wanted to jump them.

Usually that goes away when I get on, but not today. I warmed up on the flat and Courage felt phenomenal. I hopped him over our usual teeny jump and he was great. I planned a flat ride, so I had no whip, no spurs, long stirrups, and no neck strap.

Early shot--he will get his knees up

 Hmmm.. I cranked my stirrups up and warmed up over the little jump both ways. Courage felt great and I was riding awesome. I had my heels down and my hands up and all motion was forward. I peeked at the little skinny set up.

We've never done one before, but I was riding really well and redheadlins was on hand to fix it if anything went too wrong. I walked to within a few strides so he saw it, then trotted over it.

BOOM. Skinny.

He jumps so well with a big release

Then we did it again with less me jumping up his neck and even more awesome. I was absolutely thrilled that I was able to give Courage that committed ride and he was so forward and honest....

And I peeked at the barrel jump with a rail over it. And I was still riding awesome.

And we cantered around and SAILED over it like total badasses.

HELLZ YEAH

We landed on the correct lead and there was a vertical set up on the next long side that we've jumped hundreds of times at lower heights.

WHY THE HELL NOT MY HORSE FREAKING ROCKS

So we just cantered down to it. Courage got a little crooked. I pushed my hands forward and kept my leg on.

BA BAM.

It felt amazing. Courage landed in a perfect balance and cantered away softly and I couldn't wipe the grin off my face. Still can't. What a rockstar.

Courage felt awesome. I was riding well. Neither of us was stressed or worried or overfaced or tense. That's how I want it to be and it was SO MUCH FUN. :-) Oh, and then I went and measured the jumps because I'm the sort of nerd who does that. Barrels were 2'9" and the vertical was 3'. OH YEAH. That's the highest fence Courage has ever jumped and it couldn't have been better.

This is what I've been looking for all along.