I was really, really grumpy this morning. How honest is that? Aside from various stressors on the home front, I'm also re-employed part time, which takes about 10-20 hours a week. I also work for my grandma on hospice care about 10-15 hours a week. Toss in the 15-20 hours a week I'm working at the barn, and combine it all with trying to take care of a house and husband, while getting into shape, and you have one very cranky Aimee.
I'm trying not to be, but at this point, I can't really "quit" any thing. My grandma is obviously my priority, since my time left with her is very limited. I really do enjoy my job and I really do need the income, especially with a lame pony, so I can't cut back there. Besides, it's a small company of awesome people and I like it.
At this point, it's the barn that driving me nuts, mostly because I just don't have the time to give to it that I usually would. It's one thing if I end up working there from 7.30am to noon every day and then have time off to go home and get stuff done. It's another thing entirely when I'm doing that, but then have to be either at work or with my grandma by 12.30. Since it's about a half hour to commute either way, I am left with precisely no time for Izzy or Cassie.
For example, this morning I got a call from the barn owner that she had something come up and wouldn't be able to make it, so she needed me to feed as well as clean. Oh, and I wouldn't be having a lesson. I guess that's what frustrates me. I'm working a lot of hours at the barn and in return, I'm not getting lessons and I don't even currently have a horse there... since I get paid by trading for board and lessons, it's irritating. Still, I think most of the stress is just from me being super busy right now.
And the pony mare being lame.
And the saddle quandary.
I made an offer on the trial saddle, since the owner wanted more than I want to pay. That was Monday. It's Wednesday afternoon and I haven't heard a peep. I know, I know, it's summer time, they could be on vacation, they could be thinking it through, but I need to have this figured out quickly, in case Izzy's sound for the show. That means if they won't take my offer, I need to buy something else NOW and have it express-shipped here.
So. I am trying to reduce my stress levels to make my life simpler. Thus, I have decided that even if they don't take my offer, I guess I'll just suck it up and pay the extra money. That means I can just treat the saddle in my car as mine and not worry about it.
I'm not focusing on the things at home that are bugging me (like the unwashed dishes). I'm not spending time and energy worrying about whether or not my husband will be equally stressed when he gets home tonight, so I can just deal with the situation when I get home. (And hopefully, we'll both be fine.)
I'm not sure what to do to reduce barn stress. Since we moved (we=the whole barn), the barn owner is working a lot to make money that she couldn't during the move. That means there are more horses to feed, clean up after, tack up, and ride. There are construction projects that aren't getting finished. She's gone more than ever riding other horses as well. I understand where she's coming from and that it's a difficult part of life, BUT...
I'm at odds with myself over what to do. Part of me says it isn't my problem and I should just look for a place to move as soon as I'm financially able to do so. The other part says that I've stuck with her this far and I really do like her, as well as the availability of clinics and shows and the other boarders (who are pretty low-stress). I don't know. I could offer to work even more to help get stuff done, but I don't think I have the necessary skills and I know I don't have the time.
The highlights of today:
-getting to see my lovely pony. The advantage to her lame-ness is that I'm spending quality time with her on the ground and really appreciating her personality. She's pretty awesome. She's also loving my friend's house and the corresponding large, green pasture. (This is another reason why I'd like to move her to a new barn that actually has pastures put in, not just land that's waiting to be built on.)
-My boss got me a huge chocolate bar. Yay! Nothing like free, unexpected chocolate on a depressed day to make things a little better.
-Also, I got paid (yay!) which helps offset any unexpected costs that are bound to come up. Oh, the safety net of employment. I did miss you.