There are certain moments that reverberate through the very foundations of your life and break down everything you ever thought you knew.
They are rarely the moments you expect.
I told her about how I consistently choose the same thing in relationships--petulant assholes who treat me badly.
She said, "your picker's broken!"
It was a silly moment in a fun weekend.
I went home.
I let go of the long term relationship I had with a horse that was a bad match for me. I watched both of us blossom as that same friend moved heaven and earth to get me this little black mare.
|ermegerd tiny zb!|
It sort of spiraled from there.
|a much better place|
I raised my expectations.
Drew some hard lines.
Advocated for myself for the first time in my life.
I lost friends.
People who were supposed to matter to me walked away.
|baby mare <3|
Through it all, there was this larger-than-life baby mare who still whinnied at me every time I came to the barn.
|and yeah everyone should get divorce photos. 10/10 recommend.|
My life doesn't look much like it used it--I'm on a single income making things work. I can't fathom going to a horse show or paying $$$ for clinics. About every other month, I do a lot of math and wonder why I need to have a giant eating pooping liability cost me money every day.
I ride a couple times a week, generally bareback, in the dark, by myself. I don't care about the most perfect movement or moving up the levels or having the best, newest, and coolest things.
There are things that matter so much more to me.
I've learned so much from the horses in my life--Izzy taught me to be afraid, Cuna taught me to love, Courage still has the most stupidly meaningful name on the planet, and Zoe?
My life is profoundly different because of who she is.
|and the people who stayed|
Zoe is my safe space.
I have other competitive outlets right now. There's a part of me that resents even the idea of putting pressure or expectations on the creature that changed my world in such an enormous way.
She's so much more to me than scores or accomplishments or adventures. I don't need some judge at a horse show to tell me where I'm inadequate or how I don't measure up to their standards.
I really don't care.
I love the little moments.
I really don't care.
|the loveliest lady|