1) Pretty matters
1) New toys are more fun
1) Quality > Quantity, but quantity is ok too
1) Never, ever, ever pay full price for anything
1) Always have the best shit
1) You're never not shopping
If you're nodding along with me, great. Yes all the numbers are 1. You either agree or you're not one of us. Obviously.
If you're like "WTF I HAVE HAD THE SAME BRIDLE SINCE I WAS 12 AND IT'S STILL FINE", guess what? You're right. It is. You're not a Tack Ho and that's A-Okay. Membership is purely voluntary and not a moral advantage. In fact, I hear non-membership is cheaper and easier on relationships. Keep me posted on this one, ok?
|expensive gloves. why.|
Here's where I differ from MANY Tack Hos: I do not also maintain membership in the Clothes Horse Initiative. That specifically means that I really and actually do not care about my riding ensemble.
There's a reason I drool over French leather but can't be persuaded to spend more than $60 on breeches. A reason I ride in a $40 ovation schooling helmet instead of the BEAUTIFUL Sparkly OneK I want but will never buy. A REASON I do not own custom tall boots, fancy show clothes, or name-brand sun shirts.
|we look pretty ok|
(There's even a reason I went to a jewelry store with hubs and saw a 3k ring and was like OMG if you buy that for me, I would be SO PISSED. THAT'S A SADDLE. But. Different story.)
To me, clothes aren't something to get excited about. They're fine. I need a few very-minimal standards met and then I'm good. Don't need more. I'm not wearing 78 complicated and $$$ layers. Everything I own goes in the washing machine. If it can't take that, it dies. I will hang dry breeches, but that's it. WASHER OR OUT. Those are the rules.
|look an ass selfie!|
I don't care how many times you tell me that $300 breeches are SO WORTH IT. That's 5 pairs of $60 breeches, and if I'm getting 1-2 years per $60 pair, I actually wouldn't be money ahead buying those until they last what, like 7 years? (WHO HAS PANTS FOR 7 YEARS? NO ONE).
Having a breeches collection gives me no joy. Paying $80 for a goddamn shirt confounds me. It's a shirt. A SHIRT.
You're welcome for the up-close-and-personal with my neuroses, but I actually have a larger point. Because I love tack and live by the Tack Ho Ethos, I am totally fine with buying and trying all the tack (and if you want to live vicariously, stay close. I resell a lot too.) Because I am NOT part of the Clothes Horse Collective or what-have-you, I don't ever spend money on that stuff.
|topline charm ftw|
I don't care how good a deal it was or how magical someone claimed to feel. There simply isn't a parallel universe in which I would appreciate and understand the value of $300 pants. That's not who I am. Call me trashy. Call me cheap. No single pair of pants or magic sweater or overpriced SPF shirt is going to drive me into the fold of the Clothes Horse faithful.
That's not who I am. That's not who I want to be. I certainly admire the "together" wardrobes that other, more linen-inclined people sport, but it's not worth the time, energy or money to me.
And because that's true about me, I don't bother spending the money to "try" the latest, greatest textile innovations. There literally isn't a way they could make me happy, so it would be kind of dumb of me to try.
TL/DR: if you're a cheap-ass-ho, don't get disappointed when gucci doesn't scare you straight.