We had a good gallop on Friday, a decent trail-ish ride on Saturday, and a nice dressage ride yesterday. It's jump day and I'm depressed.
Not in the clinical can't-get-myself-out-of-bed type of way, but in the existential-angst-personal-drama type of way.
Izzy is fit. She's awesome. She's brave, fast, balanced, talented, and fun. I'm learning to hang with her. We improve every time we work together. I'm happy and enjoying her.
That said, I keep getting hung up on a couple of details...
Like the fact that we have had two riding lessons this year. Both of them have resulted in incredible progress, but it eats me up knowing how much more progress we could make if we lessoned as much as twice a month.
Or the fact that I live in freaking Idaho. Even if I wanted to go to a recognized event, I'd have to go to another state, minimum 6+ hours away. You think showing locally is expensive? Try tacking gas and hotel on everything just to get there. Heck, even most of the unrated stuff is multiple hours away.
Or the fact that despite my fancy diploma and debt-free existence, I'm working -very- part time at an easy but low-paying job that simply isn't going to accommodate a fancy equine lifestyle.
I guess that's the root of it. I have a job that allows me time with my horse every single day and we have a blst, but our forward progress is limited. If I (magically, in this economy) found a better-paid full time job utilizing said degree, I could afford some more horse stuff, but then I wouldn't have much time to ride and make progress.
As my husband would say, it's a first world problem. I know I need to be grateful that I have such a fabulous horse to begin with and any extras are just that, but sometimes I wonder why I spend all this time training to just sit home...
We're going cross country schooling (hopefully) next weekend. Part of me is excited, and part of me wonders what's the point. We'll have continued issues with water and be great over everything else... and then be back to day to day life where xc is out of the question.
So... now what? I could try to find a job that pays better, but I don't know that it would actually fix anything. Then I'd have less time and more stress. Is that worth it? I don't know.