Wednesday, April 5, 2017

Get Your Tack Ho Score

I can neither confirm nor deny the rumors and Teresa and Leah and I renamed our group chat "Tack Ho Cult" after Carly started throwing around accusations about our proclivities. All I can say is that when I proposed compiling a list of how you know you might be a tack ho, the suggestions started flying.

And no, husbands who are reading this, DEFINITELY NONE OF THIS IS TRUE NOR BASED ON PERSONAL EXPERIENCE. It's all hyperbolic. OBVIOUSLY.

Without further ado.

Give yourself one Tack Ho Point for each of these that applies to you:

...if you find a bridle you forgot you had

...if "I love my tack and it looks good on my horse" is a legit reason not to sell him


...if buying a new bridle is a better idea than switching bits between the old ones

...if you sell your couch to buy horse things

...if you time your purchases to arrive on days your SO won't get the mail first

...if you own more saddle pads than underpants

...if you can write a dissertation on breech fit without looking anything up

...if buying a bridle is your solution for having too many browbands
y'all remember Otto
...if your tack is so recognizable that people refer to it by name. Double points if they still recognize it after you sell it.

...if you've been referred to as "the saddle pad girl" at your GMO meeting

...if complete strangers email you to ask for tack advice and you don't mind

...if people you barely know consistently tag you on sales posts that remind them of you

...if you know your horse's measurements by heart but can't even come close on your own

...if people at shows know you by your outfit, not your riding

...if you've ever picked up a new discipline just so you can buy new tack

...if your favorite holiday all year is "Black Friday Sales"

...if you have a reliable system for finding the best price on any equine-related item
the pretties
...if your favorite part of horse shows is the vendor village

...if your friends ask you to shop for them

...if your version of hell includes orange leather and/or Australia post

...if your browband lady knows you personally and can predict your wants. Double points if you have more than one supplier.
whhhhat no
...if your gelding regularly gets mistaken for a mare because of his outfits

...if your biggest goal for a horse is to be a tack model

...if you or your SO has to build a shed or custom organizational system

...if the value of the tack in your car easily exceeds the value of your car

...if you look at equestrian real estate and immediately think of how much tack you can put in the barn

...if you buy a jump saddle for a horse that doesn't jump

...if your friends hear you talking about new boots and automatically know they're for the horse, not you

...if you know more about your friend's tack than their personal lives

...if your friend doesn't respond over text, so you start calling dibs on all their tack

...if your auto correct knows to suggest Le Mieux, Ogilvy, and Topline in context
hello great outfit
...if all your suggested ads are tack

...if you have to buy a present for a baby shower and you get mad that it ruins your tack ads

...if you sulk because the show photographer didn't get pictures of you because you wanted to show off your cute outfit

...if you get accused of being in a Tack Ho Cult, so you start one


Ok, tally up your totals!!

1-10: you're probably normal

11-20: welcome to the dark side

21-28: no one should leave you unattended at the trade fair

29-37: you're probably in Tack Ho Cult already
and you know what this is
What's your score?

I'm... um... 34

76 comments:

  1. Errr.... 29? If I were more on the customized browband wagon or if my mares were geldings I probably would be closer to your score 😂😂 our group chat = life.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I only got 15... which I feel like is sort of low. I obviously need to up my game.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Or you know, embrace your fat, happy checkbook.

      Delete
  3. It took me four tries to read this (because toddler), so I lost count - but this is AMAZING. However, the horse is better dressed than the kid, if that counts for anything...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh yeah. Give yourself at least two for that.

      Delete
  4. I thought I wasn't too bad. And then I got 25... Maybe I should l,eave my credit card at home when I go to Rolex.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. 25? Omg. We are so hanging out at Rolex.

      Delete
    2. I feel like this trip just got more expensive :)

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    3. Well that goes without saying.

      Delete
  5. I think I got 24? I lost count while giggling at a few that were a little too relatable.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I laughed way too hard writing this, not gonna lie.

      Delete
  6. Mine's actually not that high. Would be higher if there were apparel questions. Also, the only thing worse than Australia Post is fucking DHL.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I get DHL express and that's not soooooo bad after the first time. Never done regular DHL.

      Delete
    2. Don't. I highly recommend Don't.

      Delete
  7. Ugh I'm low scoring on this one and it makes me kind of sad - time for a new bridle and reins?!?!

    ReplyDelete
  8. 12 for me. I think I'm only a tack ho cult groupie.

    ReplyDelete
  9. 14, if I swap out "SO" for "mother" in #5...

    ReplyDelete
  10. ....I got 3....I'm more into clothes??

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. And you work in a tack store. You're amazing.

      Delete
  11. What if I got 0? Absolutely none of these apply to me lol.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hey no shame in being different. ;-) wear it proud.

      Delete
  12. I feel disappointed in myself, I only got a 23!

    ReplyDelete
  13. I got 0. Not a single one. Someone needs to police you guys, you're out of tack ho control!!

    ReplyDelete
  14. I'm at 17.. and I'd be higher if I tweaked the wording on a few to be more discipline-general or relate to the fact I have a mare.
    Next pony-purchase involves browbands. And/or a bridle, because I'm not happy with how her current one fits around her ears. Which definitely justifies another bit. At that point I'll need to redo both my saddle pad organization, my girth organization, and the bridle organization. Woops.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Yeah I'm a little disappointed in my score. Especially since I just gave away my somewhat torn up saddlepads to a lesson program. So I now own more undies than saddle pads. NOT FOR LONG THO RIGHT

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah I got rid of a bunch last year but then somehow ended up with EVEN MORE $$ saddle pads this year. Oops.

      Delete
  16. I only scored 1. I feel like I'm failing at something but my rational brain keeps trying to say it's okay.

    ReplyDelete
  17. And I got 1, maybe 2. You all are crazy. I'm also fairly certain I'd be in credit card debt if more of these applied. But you do all have pretty things, so you'll always beat me there.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Everyone has a couch. What do you want more?

      Delete
  18. Shockingly I added up to a score that can be counted on one hand. I think my love of tack is tempered by being such an extreme creature of habit that I always just use the same thing and never feel like I need to replace anything lol

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. But how do you know about the other things then?

      Delete
  19. 19...but this number can only go up when I own a horse again.

    ReplyDelete
  20. 0. I'm really terrible at spending money.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Don't beat yourself up. You have other great qualities.

      Delete
  21. 3... and I thought my tack spending was out of control haha. Clearly I am not even a deputy tack ho.

    This post made me laugh though :)

    ReplyDelete
  22. I'm most definitely hitting up vendor village at Rolex before you do. Lord knows there may not be much left after you've gone through 😂

    ReplyDelete
  23. This is absolutely hilarious lol!!!!

    I got a 0, but Estella is a model for our bridle, soooo does that count for anything?!?!

    ReplyDelete
  24. I only scored a 9 and now I feel like it's necessary to buy more things.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. See? You're not even bad compared to us.

      Delete
  25. I spit soda when I got to "value of tack in car is more than value of car". *guilty* I love this and I'm most excited about my new horse's new tack. New pony means I get to buy new EVERYTHING right? RIGHT?!?!?!

    ReplyDelete
  26. I scored low but think having a native pony mare is the issue. There are only so many conservative options out there. Also stumpy doest fit boots. On the other hand i now own 3 carriages and 3 saddles. Thats one for every day in the week the pony gets worked! Saddle pads no fun, pony only likes one and it isnt made anymore :(

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. What is this "conservative" of which you speak.

      Delete
  27. Can I score a point if I use a low score as an excuse to buy more tack?

    ReplyDelete
  28. Hey, look, I'm normal! I'm using this the next time the husband is bitching about the saddle pad and browband situation.

    ReplyDelete
  29. I got like, a 5. I actually stopped counting because so few applied to me. I'm really disappointed in myself. I'm gonna go on ETT to redeem myself.

    ReplyDelete
  30. I got a 0, yet somehow I have an entire tack room full of tack (anybody wanna buy a saddle?). WTH?

    Although, I'd get a 1 if you let me count "my gelding regularly gets mistaken for a mare because of his gorgeous blonde hair." But that's not really tack related...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. See? You can have nice things and not be a ho.

      Delete
  31. It has been confirmed: I'm not a tack ho. But I did find an old bridle recently. This is hilarious.

    ReplyDelete
  32. I'm a little scared to see what score I get for this, esp given the fact I've only been doing this riding thing for a little over 3 years....haha

    ReplyDelete
  33. Only 19! But that's probably because I'm not married so auto -2 right there. And though I collect EVERYTHING, fancy browbands aren't my jam. But ask me how many pairs of boots I now own... (Actually don't do that. Please. I don't want to know.)

    ReplyDelete
  34. I can't help but notice your things for sale on consignment "oh man shes giving up the argyles! Those had some good times" Or just being like "Hey that's Aimee's saddle isn't it?" My tack ho-ing levels have depressingly declined

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Technically I have two sets and only listed the one I like less. ;-)

      Delete

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