Almost as long as I've owned Izzy, I've grappled with this question: is she too much horse for me? I am a chicken-shit-scared re-rider adult ammy. I am not well endowed financially and I do not have ridiculous aspirations of international level competition.
Izzy, on the other hand, is gorgeous, athletic, wicked smart, talented, and has a rather sick sense of humor. She's way more horse than I -need-, sure. On the other hand, she will always have a nice reserve of talent to draw on if I mess up.
I'm in no way saying that I think I'm holding her back--I fall squarely into the camp of people who think that horses do not have goals and she's perfectly happy to plunk around over 2' jumps and play in the pasture as long as I want her to. My issue comes more from incidents like Saturday or our massive crash in June or any number of other episodes we've been through together.
I -can- ride Izzy. It's just that she challenges me every single day. Because of her intelligence, there is no "trotting around" on her. She gets bored, and if you don't give her something to do, she will find something to do. (This is always and unequivocally bad). She is not the pony-ride type horse. She is not a husband horse. She is a proud and fiery mare, by turns brilliant and hormonal.
After our lesson Saturday, I once again seriously questioned what I was doing. I mean, I love riding her when she's good. Jumping through the angled grid? Definitely one of my proudest riding moments ever. Super fun. Losing it from a ridiculous explosion like that? It honestly makes me wonder if I'm one of "those women", the over-monied* and over-mounted scared adult ammies.
In a different situation, I'd probably have to seriously consider my options as far as selling, leasing, or rehoming was concerned. Let's be honest. There are times when Izzy scares me to death. On the other hand, we're actually working with a fabulous trainer now. I am confident that we're going to get through this and come out even better than before.
It just takes more. More discipline, more trust, more assertiveness, more energy, more time. More.
We're going to do it.
*Ok, well minus the over-monied part.