I've always been honest here, so I might as well say it. I can't do this anymore. I can't keep up with this situation, mentally, emotionally, or financially.We still have no idea what caused the whole thing. I can point to some potentially aggravating factors, but no first cause, no reason for the situation, despite myself, my vet, my trainer, my farrier, and other experienced hose people pouring over it from all different angles.
Watching Cuna go through this process has been gut wrenching on a level I'm not sure I knew existed. The days before I hauled him to the vet, I tried not to think about whether or not he would even come home with me. I didn't really believe that he would.
His recovery has been slow. The vet said to expect it. He had a long ways to come back. I watched Cuna lose his topline, watched him turn back into a normal horse, watched him start to walk again. The process is the same every time I try it. He's better until he's not. He moves well until he's tired. Then he gimps. Then he hurts.
I lunged him for a few minutes last week. He looked good, mostly. That
nagging doubt keeps flitting in the back of my mind though. I saw how
bad he was before. I can't emotionally put both of us through this whole
thing again right now. I don't feel sure that he's better and I don't
feel right putting him back to work without knowing that. I can't keep putting my heart and soul into this situation and wonder if I'm hurting Cuna. My horse. The horse who's done absolutely everything I could ever dream of and more.
Next week, we're trying something new. He's going to go live in a pasture with some nice, mostly retired buddies. I'm going to take a step back and just let him relax. No lunging. No jogging. No riding. No pressure. Just being. Resting. Healing.
I'm not giving up. I'll still see him almost every day. He's still my Cuna Matata and I love him. I'll still work at the barn to stay engaged and I'm sure I'll be bumming rides off all my friends once I feel like getting back in the saddle again.
Maybe a break is the best thing for us. I can get my head on straight and he can come back to full strength, whatever that is going to mean for us going forward.
Oh, I hope the new situation works for you both. I'm sorry the healing has been so slow. Hang in there and keep us posted.
ReplyDeleteHug!! I'm so sorry- man I wish they could talk to us!! Cuna is lucky to have you!
ReplyDeleteWe are all here for you!!
I think that being in a herd pasture environment can be sooo good for horses health, physically but also mentally!
ReplyDeleteI think turning him out will be good for you both.
ReplyDelete(((hugs)))
ReplyDeleteIt is so hard to go through this. Many hugs to you and healing thoughts to Cuna from afar.
ReplyDelete<3 <3 <3
ReplyDeleteThat sounds like a good idea. I'm sorry for everything you're going through. If there's anything I can do, let me know. Love and hugs your way.
I have heard of some pretty miraculous healings occurring doing just what you're about to try. It's really good for them. I so appreciate the honesty and the updates - we're cheering for both of you!
ReplyDeleteMaybe 6 months, maybe a year, you'll never know until you try. I hope this works for the both of you! As long as he's still a part of your life, you're on the right track. Good luck!
ReplyDelete*hugs* Sometimes just plain old turnout works wonders -- did for my guy at the time.
ReplyDeleteSometimes thats what they need.
ReplyDeleteRest is good, you can never go wrong by letting them chill for a bit and regrouping. Hopefully it's just foot soreness which can be a beast, but can be remedied lots of ways.
ReplyDeleteSorry to hear about your struggles. Sometimes taking a break is truly the best thing and I hope that will be the case for you guys.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry to hear this but it sounds like this break may be all he needs to get better again, in which case it'll be worth it in the end.
ReplyDeleteCome on, Cuna! Everything crossed the new game plan helps him turn around!
ReplyDeleteThinking healing thoughts for both of you.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry you're going through this. I have been there, and I know how much it hurts every inch of you, from your heart to your wallet. It is so hard to watch our partners be uncomfortable and not have a solution to fix it or even an idea of what is causing it. Give him time, give yourself time. I have my fingers crossed for both of you.
ReplyDeleteso sorry to hear this. I think pasture time to heal and recover if you can't pinpoint an issue is a good idea. I recently put my older sport horse out to pasture and in the last month have only gotten on her once or twice. However, its amazing how different she feels after not being confined to a stall. Much more relaxed, comfortable, and loose. So here's hoping that the same thing happens to Cuna!
ReplyDeleteIt's going to be okay. Long rest in the pasture can do wonders! And even if it doesn't, that is going to be the best for him now which is all you can do :) Hope everything works out for the best.
ReplyDeleteHave you eliminated Lymes disease, or EPM as well? I am guessing you've been down those roads as well. Just shooting in the dark again.
ReplyDeleteBut no pressure and time off to just be a horse may well be exactly what Cuna needs. Nature has an amazing way of healing.
I think 24/7 pasture did wonders for my horse. Here's hoping that Cuna feels better.
ReplyDeleteWith this heat he is going to be thanking his lucky stars for pasture turn out! I see a Cuna exploring his new digs photo shoot in the near future:)
ReplyDelete***HUGS*** I know it's a rough situation. Hang in there!
ReplyDeleteI think you're making a really good choice. Always here if you want to talk or need to vent. Thinking positive thoughts for the Cunafish! :)
ReplyDeleteOld guys are worth their weight in gold - keeping you and Cuna in my thoughts!
ReplyDeleteI tried to comment yesterday but it wouldnt let me so now I'm the 25th person to say sorry about all this :/ I know you're handling it better than I would be.
ReplyDeleteMaybe some and R&R is just what he needs. Good luck to you and Cuna. *hugs*
ReplyDeleteI hope that Cuna comes back fully revitalized from his vacation and that he enjoys his turnout. Feel better you two!
ReplyDeleteHugs for both of you!
ReplyDeleteA hug to you. I think you are doing the right thing. I know what that feeling is. Time does do amazing things though. I tried to bring Solo back for so long, but it was only when I gave up and turned him out and let him be all winter that he actually got a lot closer to good. If I spent the money and redid his hocks and got him fit and all the other stuff now, I know he could go back to work, albeit not at Training level.
ReplyDeleteIt's hard to wait for our best friends when they can't speak out loud. But there is many a horse out there, horses that I know, who have languished in a field for a year, taking naps, and come back in feeling refreshed. Hang in there!
I hope that the rest helps Cuna finish healing and gives you a bit of a break. Hugs to you.
ReplyDeleteAwww, damn. Sprinkler, I am so sorry. Jingles to Cuna and to you. So proud of the grace in which you handled this difficult situation and have made these decisions for your boy.
ReplyDeleteMy heart aches for you. I have seen time off do wonders for a lot of horses. I'm hoping it's the same for Cuna.
ReplyDeleteHow frustrating and sad, but sounds like a good plan and rational approach to try something new. Oh Cunafish, hope you feel better soon!
ReplyDelete