Tuesday, August 11, 2015

Are You a Dressage Queen? Find Out Now.

A: Enter ______ _____
I describe myself as a person who does dressage (relatively poorly as best I can), not a dressage queen. I actually object when people try to slap the DQ label on me, and not just because I'm weird about personal space. There is a difference. To alleviate confusion, I have created a quiz that allows us to mathematically quantify your dressage queen status.

Here goes:

1) You're at a jumping clinic and a participant has a bad round. You say:

A) Are you yawning? You don't ride well enough to yawn.
B) Kick on!
C) How in the hell did I get to a jump clinic?
D) Well obviously she didn't have control of his shoulders and (blah blah blah) and (blah blah blah) and more dressage.

2) You're at a nice facility and there's someone there in all matching polos coordinated with their custom sheepskin half pad and dressage pad that matches their perfect brand name shirt and compliments their custom dress boots with subtle piping. You say:

A) That distracts from the beauty of the horse.
B)  I would have gone with blaze orange instead of pastel.
C) Needs something more.
D) Omg does she have the latest Mattes catalog? I'm due for a new outfit.


3) You're out and about and see a perfectly nice horse and rider with a long ponytail bouncing to the trot. You say:

A) No. No. No. WHERE IS HER HAIRNET YOU CANNOT RIDE AND HAVE HAIR.
B) Yeah, but she'll never make the time XC on that thing.
C) MOAR HAIRSPRAY FOR PERFECT CURLZ!!!
D) Who does her hair? It's great.

4) You're walking through a busy horse park, and someone goes past you on a nice, big moving horse, but you can't see the rider for the bling. You say:

A) ...  Bystander: "SOMEONE CALL 911 THERE'S BEEN A HEART ATTACK!!"
B) You don't want to blind the jump judge, stupid.
C) Needs fringe.
D) Yeah whatever honey. My tails have a bedazzled PATTERN on the back.

You're at a party. Your drink of choice is:

A) Drinks are like men. Don't take the first one that comes along.
B) Something hard and cheap because you need to get drunk fast.
C) Good American made beer, dammit.
D) Wine. Only red, only imported, only expensive.

Ok. Did you record your answers?

Give yourself 1 point for A, 2 for B, 3 for C, and 4 for D. 

If you scored:

photo via Dover Saddlery
5-9 - You're like George Morris. You're so far from a dressage queen that you probably ride hunters.

10-14 - You event. Just admit it.

15-18 - Mmmhmmm western pleasure is halfway there.

19-20 - CONGRATS. You, my dear, are the real deal. Embrace your inner Dressage Queen because trust me, everyone else in your life sees it already. ;-)

Be honest: What did you score?

35 comments:

  1. This is hysterical! I scored a 9 (not surprising) :)

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  2. LOL! 9 for me - very accurate! Hunter rider on the edge of eventer ;)

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  3. 13 :)
    As a recently retired eventer, it makes sense I guess?
    But I don't care for bling, hate distracting tack (even toned down my colors for XC), and alcohol is only good for getting drunk :)

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  4. Ouch. 16 over here. I'm getting close ;)

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  5. Ha I love this! But my answers weren't on there? WHAT AM I??? Omg identity crisis :)

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    1. haha same here! I needed a "Don't give a crap" answer lol

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    2. It's like the SAT. Just pick the best answer.

      And yeah, I probably could have made more options but omg guys, writing this thing was hard.

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  6. I got a 10, which puts me borderline between a hunter and an eventer... but I do dressage? Sheeeeyat, I'm screwed.

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  7. lolz this is hilarious.... (but also yea i couldn't answer some of the questions bc none of the selections fit me?)

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  8. Ha this was a great post Sprinks. I got an 8. I can practice my sitting trot all I want, but I'm still a Hunter Princess at heart.

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  9. Hahhahaha awesome! Lucky 13 for me....so accurate!

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  10. 12- love it!

    I get the DQ label among local horse people, because I board at a dressage barn, hang out with dressage people, and am on the board of the GMO. But I swear to god I am NOT a dressage person, I'm just a person who does dressage sometimes.

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  11. Oddly I'm Western Pleasure- it was the good American beer and fringe that put me over the edge.

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  12. I'm 14... which totally makes sense because my preferred is loping over fences... which is like hunters, right?

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  13. Hahaha, solid 10. A little too close to George Morris for my comfort though LOL

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  14. 14, yep, eventer with serious dressage leanings! Love this post!

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  15. This quiz sorted me into Ravenclaw ...

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  16. Fun! I haven't done a quiz like this in years!
    And I got 9. :)

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  17. 21. I added an option to number 5: E) whatever someone puts in your hand. And I gave myself an extra point for it. #noshame

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  18. 12, so yeah, I'm an eventer. One day I'll accept it. But it's funny because it was half A's and half D's. Some I'm some sort of weird hybrid.

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  19. Who calls you a DQ? I've literally never considered you even close to that haha.

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  20. 10. Are we surprised? I didn't think so.

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  21. Thats a 9 for me! Hunters in a western saddle that should be interesting lol!

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  22. I'm super late to the party but I couldn't resist. 11 for me but I felt compelled to comment that I scribed for a judge that made me write a note about a girl needing a hair net... This is an awesome post.

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