Yesterday was a weirdly emo note to leave off on. I was very, very confused. Frustrated. Not angry, not really sad. Just sort of in this weird brain space where nothing felt right or good or bad or anything. I wasn't (and I'm not) mad at Courage. I was just stumped. I couldn't point to things that should have changed. I can't fix it and I can't make a plan, because I don't know what's wrong. Or if anything's wrong. Or if it's normal. Or if it's me. Or if it's him.
I read some articles and talked to one of my favorite hot OTTB experts and window shopped for first level horses, which confirmed that I can't afford them. And then I did what everyone having a weird horsey-crisis should do--go back to the show grounds to crew for a friend.
|gotta scratch the itch|
The weirdest thing happened.
I saw the hellmare.
And see, I haven't seen her in almost five years. She and I had a hate/hate relationship and after some complications with her sale, I have no contact with her owner. Which is fine. They deserve each other.
So I'd spent the previous 24 hours thinking I needed a warmblood and then I saw the one I used to own and watched her go around. And yeah. She's still gorgeous. And fancy. And all that.
Oh, and she's 100% still evil and I don't miss her for a second. I didn't want to ride her. Or see her. Or pet her. Or anything.
|enough about that bitch. let's talk about this guy.|
I can't afford a made horse, which means I have to make my own.
Making my own is going to mean bumps in the road.
The bumps I had with the hellmare made me want to quit riding entirely.
The bumps I have with Courage are confusing and confounding, but he's not trying to kill me.
|um plus how cute are we?|
|well. most of the time.|
|enjoy the journey|
PS does someone want to buy me nice show gloves? Size 8. In case you were thinking that my sad, dead crochet gloves need to go.