Wednesday, September 21, 2016

Pimp My Saddle Pad: An SB Blog Non-Crafty How-To

If you have a boring saddle pad that just needs a little kick to become awesome but you have the craft skills and finesse of a drunken elephant even while sober, then we are on the same page. Emma and Olivia and Amanda and Monica and co are always writing these how tos for mind-blowingly complex projects that involve 1) artistic ability 2) having random arting supplies on hand so the damn thing doesn't cost an arm and a leg and 3) an awful lot of time/motivation.
needs spice!
Let me assure you. This project requires none of those things. Which is good because the list of craft supplies I own is basically scissors and super glue. And I don't know where the glue is.

Without further ado, here is a step-by-step process to pimp your saddle pad.

1) Get some wine.

I forgot to photograph this step. Hopefully you already have the wine. If not, perhaps instead of a craft how-to, you need to reevaluate most of your life choices.

2) Have some awesome friends give you some super cool iron-on patches. This saves on $ big time. I didn't have to pick anything or buy anything. It's great. No choices. No arting.
EB Racing pride!! 

3) Ask husband (/roomie/cat/whoever you live with who knows these things) if you have an iron. Ideally, they will then locate it for you to shut you up because no one wants to dig through this mess, even especially with said wine.
nope
4) Plug in iron. This step is actually way harder than it sounds. I mean, sure you know how to use an electrical outlet (that's the place where you charge your phone), but some irons have all kinds of complicated shit on them. Hint: the shit is to distract you. You don't need to put water in anything. Probably a light should turn on.

4b) It's critically important at this stage that whomever helped you find the iron and any associated pets either leave the room or faithfully and reliably promise to be well behaved. If the iron is working, things are about to get dangerous.
judgmental corgi probably needs a patch
5) Decide where the patches will go on your saddle pad. It's also helpful to already have the pad washed. If it's not, you can kinda just dab up the loose hairs on it with duct tape. No judgement here.
duct tape: now also a craft supply!
hint: do not iron patch to the board while hubs is watching.
6) Determine if the iron is hot. Careful, this is another hard step. If the iron is hot and you touch it, you might get a painful burn. I used a meat thermometer and am proudly burn-free. Let me know if you think of a better solution.
#burnfreebitches

6b) This step may take several tries if you're impatient like me. Just try to avoid the ER trip from burning yourself. That seems like a non-ideal (if predictable) outcome of a craft project.

7a) Once iron is hot, set it on top of the patch positioned where you want it on the saddle pad and let it make the sticky part stick. This step takes a while. Also I like to wiggle the iron around a little just so I don't accidentally make burn marks on the pad.

7b)It's a pretty bad idea I think to touch the patch once the definitely hot iron has been sitting on it for a while, so if you still have the meat thermometer out, you might want to poke the patch with it a few times  to see if it's stuck down.

7c)If the pad starts smoking, throw your wine on it to extinguish any flames and then pour another glass to celebrate your now multi-colored pad.
look ma no hands!
When it seems pretty stuck down, maybe go around the edges with the tip once or twice just to be sure.

8) That's it. You're done. Stay fabulous!
love it.

8b) Make sure you turn the iron off. Don't try to wrap the cord up around your iron until it's fully cooled unless you are trying to intentionally destroy the iron in a wine-fueled rage. You can either repeatedly test it with the meat thermometer or just leave it til tomorrow and hope husband/roomie/pets/social services think that it should be put away and handle that part for you.

too busy admiring handiwork
 And hey! If you completed this DIY without a trip to the ER or unplanned arrival by the fire department, then... you actually might have more craft skills than me. Happy crafting!

34 comments:

  1. Just since you asked... I test the iron by flicking water (or use a spray bottle if you have one handy) on the iron. It will sizzle awayou if hot. But, to be fair, that doesn't get you exact tempts.

    Love tricking out plain gear. Your pad looks great!

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    Replies
    1. Oooooo that's a good idea. I didn't really need an exact temp because I didn't know how hot was hot enough. Just want to know it wasn't room temperature.

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    2. But for future reference, we now know that PORK at 88F is hot enough to iron on patches, right?

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    3. Well it got really hard to hold the stick in the right place and take a pic. It was 100+ when I pulled it off I think?

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  2. And suddenly Sprinklerbandit makes the mundane task of ironing on a patch sound exciting and hilarious!

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    Replies
    1. I'm more surprised that you think handling a super-heated metal weapon could ever be mundane. It's freaking scary.

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  3. I laughed out loud at "Pork".

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  4. This is probably my favorite crafting tutorial of all time. I love how you used a meat thermometer in a saddle pad craft project. I also just hover my hand NEAR the iron to see if it's warm. But if wine is involved, that probably isn't smart..

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  5. I might actually be able to handle this one...except I don't own an iron. I had one at one point and it didn't get used for five years so it didn't make the cut for the move.

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    Replies
    1. I actually thinks this marks the first time in my adult life that I have used an iron. I have more patches, so it MAY happen again. Hold on to your hats!

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  6. My kind of craft project! I'm unsure if I own an iron, however.

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  7. god your posts have been fucking brill lately

    i found an iron in my apartment the other day. it was in the drawer with my old tax returns. seems legit.

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  8. Damn guess my sewing crafts are chopped liver eh?

    Regardless, iron on patches FTW

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I kinda don't pay attention to craft posts on account of not being able to do them. I'll add you to the list.

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  9. Ahahaha, why does testing an iron with a meat thermometer totally kill me?! Hilariously genius!

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  10. This is probably the only crafting tutorial I could actually follow. Because there's wine. And safety tips. And not much skill involved.

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  11. I test the iron by running it over the ironing board, then feeling the mark. Cool? Let it wait. Warm? Maybe use the iron. Damn it? It's hot enough.

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  12. This is awesome, I laughed so much. And it looks amazing

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  13. ha hilarious - and to be real, ironing is definitely way beyond my level of craft skill. i just sew those fuckers on to be safe. bc yea. no.

    also for the record: should anyone want to replicate this awesome project but not be so fortunate as to have friends with awesome patches, this ebay store has metric fucktons of all kinds of patches. literally anything. for pretty cheap.

    http://www.ebay.com/sch/yourpatchstore/m.html?_nkw=&_armrs=1&_ipg=&_from=&rt=nc&_dmd=2

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  14. "Pork" lmbo. That is all I got from this.

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  15. I'm glad the iron is as hot as a "done" pork tenderloin. Rather ingenious on the whole meat thermometer thing, really. Still, "pork" made me giggle a lot.

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  16. I had to buy an iron just to do a patch a few months ago. Because I didn't even own one.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh how the mighty have fallen!

      I mean, welcome to owning an iron. ;-)

      Delete
  17. Nice! I have done a few iron-ons on my saddle pads in a pretty similar lack of craft skills way.

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    Replies
    1. Also don't know if this is a real thing or not, but I remember sprinkling drops of water on my iron to see if it sizzled.

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  18. I wet my finger and then touch the iron...prolly not as safe as flicking water or thermometers, but I like a little danger in my life ;D

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  19. I just touch the iron, because I'm a total badass like that (and also sort of stupid). I put a washcloth between the patch and the iron though, because my husband gets really pissed when there's patch glue on the iron. Apparently it gets all over his nice dress shirts and ruins them or something. He's very prissy.

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    Replies
    1. I hope that 1) my husband doesn't read this because that sounds like something he'd complain about and 2) that I've broken him of ironing things. It's 2016. Just say no to ironing.

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  20. This is awesome! Your description of craft-abilities resonates a LOT with me. But I actually feel like I might actually be able to tackle a project like this.

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  21. Hahahaha! It turned out nicely anyhow :)

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