The Moment

I was the little kid with the dream truck. 

The little poor kid who drove a car as old as she was and thought that dreams were for other people. 

best

When Roxie's mom announced "your picker is broken" (and unintentionally foreshadowed me blowing up my entire life), I showed up for myself and bought my absolute dream horse, the ZB we all know and love today. 

Then as life stabilized, I traded in the practical car.

I'll never forget the transcendence of the moment I drove my truck off the lot at the dealership--decades after a dream was born to a little girl who didn't think she'd live past 25, here I was. Doing the damn thing. 

this

Y'all lived through the last 5ish years with me so you know what happened to prices and interest rates. There were life things and work things and I debated if all this was what I really wanted and was "the dream" still "my dream" and was it worthwhile (was I worthwhile?). I set aside a chunk of money for a trailer to complete my rig, then waffled and told my partner we'd probably just take a nice vacation with it. 

He told me I ought to follow the dream I'd had since I was that little horse crazy kid. That mattered more. 

I mattered more.

found what i was looking for

I've been low key following the trailer market locally and had pretty well decided that I would wait until the end of the year and then likely end up financing something once my truck was paid off because that little girl who grew up with nothing is real risk-adverse financially.

Plus, the best thing I learned from Roxie's mom (after "this is fun you ninny, ride my roxiecorn and find out") was to ruthlessly exclude. I had a pretty specific list of what I wanted:

• Two horse bumper pull (dream truck isn't huge)
• Tack room not part of horse compartment (i just can't with the half wall thing)
  
• ZB must be able to turn around to unload (she HATES backing off trailers)
• No ramp (ramps freak me out. ZB DGAF)
• Large enough to accommodate a 16h+ Draft X 
• Structurally solid/ready to go

I saw a couple things that I followed up on but they sold before I got answers or just weren't quite right. I had to get new tires for my truck so I shelled out $$$ on the upgraded tires because as I confidently told the clerk "I'm going to start hauling a trailer a bunch soon". I didn't feel confident that was true but I felt kind of ridiculous spending that much money on tires for a truck that I mostly admire in my driveway. 

And then.

My local friend sent me an add. It hit all my must haves and was actually slightly under budget. I messaged the seller and she responded right away. I checked out our mutuals and decided I probably would not get scammed or murdered. (Then I decided I might so I made arrangements for said partner to go with me to see it yesterday afternoon.) 

And that's how on a sunny January afternoon, I pulled my dream truck into a stranger's driveway and left with my dream trailer and a new friend to go trail riding with.

y'all

Much like the truck--it isn't the newest, shiniest, or most expensive option. It's the thing I've always wanted, the thing that fits me and my life. 

the whole set up

I just. 

Y'all. 

It's hard to put into words what it's like when all those dreams and plans converge. When present day SB is little kid SB. 

I want to reach back in time and tell her it's going to happen. 

To let the version of myself who said "if I knew how hard life would be, I wouldn't have kept going" know that she's wrong. 

There's hope.

It does get better. 

It's not the money and the material things. It's watching as the dreams you've had from a very little kid, galloping your (imaginary) cute black mare down a (real) snowy road become your real and actual life. 

And realizing that all along, you were worth it. 

happy trails

A Study in Canter

Jumping back into some low key lessons has re-ignited a passion for learning an improving with my horse that I haven't felt in a LONG time. I've taken lessons here and there over the past few years, but horse stuff has been back burnered for me for a bit. I scaled spending way back, focused on some other passions closer to home, and have been comfortable knowing that I could hop on and toodle around at any time.

and yes i rode her bareback after this

My basic philosophy of training is that I need to be calm, clear, and kind. I'm asking Zoe to do all the same things she used to do in dressage, but now I want her to do it in self carriage on a loose rein. I want her to be in a level balance, soft to me, and for her to allow me to ride her forward in that balance. 
 

ok but these reins amiright

We use lots of transitions and very clear rewards. If she does something right, it's a release and relax reward. I don't drill. I try not to ride in the arena two days in a row. I'm still only riding 3-4 days a week. I've made huge strides forward in the walk/trot area but we've been struggling with the canter. 

this day was SO COLD OMG

It's a two part issue--one, ZB is a natural trotting horse. Her canter is less organized and requires more strength to give me the same level of work I get in the trot.

Two--me. I don't think I've actually ever had a horse that would let me sit in the saddle and ride the canter. There's lots of half seat in my past with a HEALTHY dose of TB/OTTB type horses to whom cantering was the more natural gait, which means I've never really had to train it. 

I can do a lot with a balanced canter but I was kind of lost on how to create said canter if I didn't already have it. 

benefits of blogging infrequently means more riding pictures to choose from

So how do I train a balanced, soft canter on a horse it isn't instinctive to when my riding is one of the biggest obstacles we face?

this horse is so insanely gorgeous

Very mindfully.

I started using the round pen on the property. Every time I was at the barn, I'd take her in there loose and ask her to do a couple of canter transitions each way. I didn't drill it--it was a-ok if she picked up the canter for a stride or two and dropped back down. I just wanted her doing the motion and building the muscle memory. The whole "session" was about 60 seconds or less and typically included rolling in the sand as well. 

it's lovely sand

Her muscle memory wasn't the only one I needed to retrain. I was/am dealing with two things:

1) my lack of muscle memory related to sitting the canter with my seat in the saddle being neutral

2) my bad muscle memory of grabbing like a deranged monkey when my horse feels off balance

I'm working on my own and if thinking really loudly "stop sucking at riding the canter" was an effective strategy, I would have fixed this ages ago. 

Instead, I used the round pen. I'd saddle up, take her in there, and get on with just the halter. This was such a mental thing for me--the round pen took away the deep and irrational fear of her bolting into the next county and the halter gave me an E-brake without me fussing with her face.

Same strategy--do 2 transitions each way, then hop off and go do something else.

don't have a halter picture so here's the current 'fit

Here and there, I started trying to incorporate the transitions into longer rides, but my gut reaction to her sort of "lurch" into the canter was to grab her and then neither of us was having a good time. 

But then.

I having a nice ride the other day in the arena and for a moment, I felt so soft and connected, like I could have rolled up into the soft, balanced canter I wanted right there. I didn't, but the feeling was right.

The next time I rode, my friend happened to be out and I asked her for some quick media.

Y'all. 

just literal heart eyes

It's coming. She was soft and connected and balanced and let me ride her forward. 

This is so much fun.