Why Bitless Dressage is Stupid

An MS Paint Special brought to you by SprinklerBandits Blog.

Premature PS: If you're looking for a serious discussion of this topic, hop on over to Austen's blog. If you like snark, ms paint masterpieces, and have your popcorn ready, keep on reading.

There's an article going around right now about yet another petition to allow bitless dressage, which at present isn't allowed in competition by any credible organization anywhere in the world. This is fairly unusual--the only other thing people are as united against is child porn, but let's not think too hard about that.

Instead let's think about dressage. It's done by people on horses.

This is a person.

this cool person has a top hat

 This is a horse.

In case you missed the big red flag there, a horse weighs around 10x what an average person does. Interesting. Hold that thought.

Next, a HUUUUUUUGE component of dressage is having the horse "on the bit".

pictured: not on the bit

Why? Because dressage isn't a series of party tricks performed in a big top tent for a paying crowd. It's an art, a dance even, where two separate entities together become something more than either one is on their own. A person doing dressage without a horse is just an idiot in a tail coat and a horse doing dressage without a person is out of control.

What's more "on the bit" doesn't mean "head down, nose tucked in". That's called "head down, nose tucked in" or "hunters" or "trail riding" or what-have-you. Head-down-nose-tucked-in is fine, but it's not "on the bit".

head-down-nose-tucked-in

When a horse is on the bit, it's the first step in a larger dance. It's the moment where the horse and the rider change from having two minds and two balance points and two ideas about life to one. It's where "awkwardly tripping over the other person" becomes "ballroom dancing". It's not static--this is a dynamic tension between horse and rider that is the first and most elemental step to all the steps that ever follow.

and you thought i was a one-trick pony

That's why it's not piaffe when your OTTB inverts and jigs. That's inverting and jigging. There's no connection (whaaaaaaat it works on so many levels)(all puns intended).

So let's circle back around to that first part.

Horse.

Human.

Size.

There's a reason "bull in a china store" isn't a pleasant descriptor of dance or dressage. Think about it. The horse outweighs you by a factor of 10. Human biology is such that even if we can lift 10x our body weight, it's not a pleasant, graceful, melding of two entities. It's raw, Neanderthal-esque brutality.

And I'm not saying that to piss on Neanderthals--they surely serve(d?) a mighty purpose, just that purpose wasn't horse dancing.

this chap does not have a top hat

A bit is the Colt .45 of the old west (God didn't make all men equal--Mr Colt did. C'mon. Keep up.). Because we puny humans are exponentially smaller and weaker than our equine partners, we need a way to be in balance with them that doesn't involve sheer 1:1 force, because given the simple physics of human vs. equine size, that force is and must be unreasonable to both human and horse.

In simple fact: a bit is not a device to allow humans to muscle horses around. A bit instead permits two-way communication between two partners whose two separate balance points have become one single point.

A bit is the lifeline of communication. A bit allows us to whisper straight to the horse's mouth without all that trouble of shouting at it's face like an asshole.

top hat doesn't make it a good idea

So bits. They give us the nuance of communication between human and horse in a way that both parties and understand and respect. They enable the balance that takes us from awkward tripping in a high school gym to the show ring and beyond.

Now yeah, a few of you are going to get up in my face and MY HORSE CAN BALANCE WITHOUT MY HELP JUST FINE AND I CAN BALANCE WITHOUT HIM AND THE BRIDLE IS JUST FOR STEERING YOU MEANIE PANTS BLOGGER YOU.

To which I say:

And also:

1) If you're not part of the balance, maybe you need to reconsider what the hell you're doing up there. But. Who am I to judge your very majikul konnektion and yes that was three ks figure it out.

2) The number of people who believe they don't need a bridle vs the number of people who actually don't need a bridle is a scary, scary number. Of ALL the accomplished equestrians I know across all the disciplines, I can think of 1 person who I would trust in public (you know, like at shows, which is what we're talking about) without a bridle and that person told me in no uncertain terms that in her mind, riding without a bridle is stupid because of the vast capacity for things to go wrong. You think your bridle is for steering. I think you're a dumbass. I guess that's as far as it gets.

And to clarify--I'm not hating on riding at home in a halter or hackamore or whatever scary-ass bitless leverage contraption you've strapped on your horse's head. Do whatever the hell you want. I'm just saying that at shows, your logic is invalid. The level playing field is predicated on all of us actually trying to achieve the same thing. So like. Go ahead. Be a champion of head-down-nose-tucked-in, but just don't do it at tense-inverted-jigging show if you want to win.

Ok internet. Go nuts.

Learning Lessons: Personal Problems

Once upon a time, I was bitching about how complicated and sensitive my horse was.

Fellow blogger Lauren (who also has a bay OTTB gelding) was like:

don't worry--she approved this graphic

And she's not wrong. Courage is a very challenging horse who pushes me to my absolute limits with complete impunity. It's maddening. The worst part is that I know the things that drive me crazy aren't training issues. They're his freaking personality and that's not going to change. The histrionics and theatrics and flailing is just who he is.

Which is why Lauren said what she said.

And she's right.

remember when short sleeves were a thing

Here's the thing. Last year, I took an accounting class and blogged about how it challenged me and how that helped me understand Courage. That class sucked the soul out of me. I did hundreds of hours worth of work, struggled and clawed for every inch, and when the semester wrapped up, I was profoundly, deeply satisfied with my grade.

This year, I'm taking another class. Different instructor. It's stupid easy so far. It's so easy that I sit in class and do my own review sessions from last semester's material and invent problems BECAUSE I'M BORED. It's not that it's a bad class. It's fine. It just doesn't challenge me and I get zero satisfaction from it.

And that is the problem with me.

think WAY back

I sort of think that's why I was so happy jumping Cuna and yet can't convince myself it's fun on Courage. Cuna was the most incredible horse OF ALL TIME. He and I thought the same about everything. So while we had our disputes (occasionally), in general, we were challenged by the jumping to constantly improve.

And Cuna was good at jumping and terrible at dressage. Let's face it: I jumped 3'3"-3'6" on Cuna and had a blast, but when he did the TEST OF HIS LIFE it was training level at a dressage show and we got a 64. Courage got a 67 and I was like "hm good but I know we can do better".

basically a unicorn

So when JenJ is like "I'm riding this fantastic horse who like Does What He is Told and doesn't need to Express His Opinions on Life, the Universe, and Everything", I'm really a little bit jealous. I don't know what that's like. Then I jump to "it must be heaven" then immediately "I want one" and then riiiiiiight before I start horse shopping, I remember that I already HAVE a horse.

this horse

 And while he drives me crazy and pushes me to my limits some days, the truth is that I'm a person who pathologically NEEDS to be challenged in order to excel. I crave it. I chase it. I blunder right past the easy stuff, grab what looks impossible and say "this one".

Over and over.

We can argue all day about what a challenge looks like and I freely admit that just because your horse is less explosive or emotional or argumentative than mine is, it doesn't mean that your horse is somehow less challenging (or more, but god help you if so). It just means that Courage is my challenge.

I like riding him. I look forward to seeing him. I like how his face looks in my bridles.

so classic

Someday I hope he's this super-trained mega-fantastic fancy-ass dressage horse that little girls are jealous of, but even if he never is, he's my horse and I like him.

With all his challenges.

Teach Me Tuesday: Buying Used

Yay it's time for teach me Tuesday! I'm a tack ho. We all know that. I buy all sorts of things used on line in order to (more or less) stay on a budget, but I've recently discovered that there are people out there who struggle with that idea. They prefer to pay the premium on new items to avoid the stigma (or something...) that comes with used things.

Sooooo...

Tell me. What won't you buy used?

it's underpants ok?

I'll go first! All underwear/undergarments must be new with tags. Supplements (if I use them, which, HA, I really don't) must be brand new and sealed and at a store. And grain. I wouldn't pay for someone else's grain. Totally ok with everything else being used as long as it's still in good condition.

CAN I RETURN THIS SADDLE

black breeches, jump saddle

I failed to consider the bigger picture. I went all crazy go nuts and bought this dressage saddle that makes my ass sing. I mean, I picked out some actual dressage shows to attend. I'm taking dressage lessons on my horse and having fun. I was in DO ALL THE DRESSAGE mode.



And then JenJ was all "you need white breeches".

FULL STOP.

CUE PANIC.

I DID NOT SIGN UP FOR THIS.

NOPE

White breeches? White?? WHITE??? I vaguely remember this about dressage, but I thought they'd modernized in the past few years. I mean. I am just an average adult ammy. I am not a gym rat and I have neither time nor money nor inclination to become one. AND I AM OK WITH THAT ABOUT MYSELF.

What I am not ok with is arbitrarily stuffing myself into blinding, glaring white sausage casings and then jiggling my ass all around the sand box in front of eyes I am paying to be critical. I'm an office worker, not a goddamn stripper AND I HAVE THE THIGHS TO PROVE IT.

Hellooooo. What deranged psychotic lunatic thought that as a bumbling ammy rider ANYTHING about my ride would be improved by wearing the world's most unflattering color in ridiculous tight pants I have no business in anyways?

So uh.... is there a way out if Micaylah won't take her saddle back? How do y'all get through this? Or is it like I suspect and all the other bloggers just magical teeny pixies in 24 breeches with no ass?

Meet the Blogger: Paint Edition

I've been trying to go through and update all my pages on the blog with current information. That gets a little tedious sometimes, and all of a sudden, I thought it would be sort of hilarious to introduce myself via paint drawing.

I dunno. It sounded like a good idea at the time.

Without further ado, meet me in paint:

I've highlighted some useful features that I can explain here:
1) hair that absolutely refuses to be contained
2) long ape arms that are the envy of all you t-rex folks out there.
3) I dunno, don't really use those anyways.
4) What bounces to distract judges from what's actually bouncing
5) what's actually bouncing
6) world's longest torso (tm). Actual torso may be less cylindrical and more bulgy.
7) super proportionate legs. no one is jealous of these.
8) because thigh gap is for losers

And my horse:

1) Ears
2) perfect hair
3) actually a little uphill
4) perfect hair
5) insert cookies here
6) muscle bulge that needs to go away. remember when i said i'd never own an upside down horse? ha!
7) legs for days
8) ridiculously sexy ass. not kidding. his back end is amazing.

As my stunning drawings no doubt show, we are pretty much the ideal partnership. My long arms compliment his short neck and he definitely has enough leg length to go around.

Sooooo how do you and your horse match up?

Brains: Not Just for Zombies Anymore

Zombies. So hot right now.

You can live without a lot of things, but you can't live without your brain.  HELLO. Unless you are just trying to presquish some nice, yummy zombie soup, just put the brain bucket on.

My trainer was/is on the USEA safety committee and she's big on helmets. I'm a fan of that. Some of the basic guidelines that are drilled into us are as follows:

1) The foam in helmets works by collapsing to spread impact around and prevent a brutal blow to the head. This means that a helmet is good for two years or one fall, whichever comes first. Dropping a helmet more than three feet onto a hard surface or leaving it in a hot car will also ruin the foam and leave you unprotected.

So many things to hit my head on

2) The helmet is designed to protect your head. It cannot do this if it, you know, FALLS OFF. Make sure your helmet is well fitted according to manufacturer specifications. In general, this means that you should be able to unfasten the chin strap and lean over and your helmet stays put. If it's slipping around on your head, it's too loose. (Noted: this is uncomfortable when breaking in a new helmet. The foam really does relax and get more comfortable.) Also--whether you wear your hair up under the helmet or down, make sure the helmet fits. If you have long, thick hair, you're probably better off leaving it down so your hair doesn't screw with your helmet.

Those are good guidelines to start with. My helmet has reached the two year mark and I've started looking around at my options. I was tempted by the sparkly and obscenely expensive options that are showing up, but my brain is more important to me than any fashion sense. Instead, I read this article and this follow up. Both are addressing the climbing rates of traumatic brain injuries and the helmet technology that is developing to address it.

Kind of hate how it looks, but love my brain more

So far, the only equestrian helmet I've found that incorporates the available technology is the Devonaire Matrix Helmet, available here for $99.95. I'm definitely going to be looking into this and trying one on in the very near future. I know I'm not the only (or the best) science nut in the blogosphere. Who else has information to share?