Thursday, May 4, 2017

Rolex Part the Third: Hampton!

One of the things Karen mentioned when she said I could come stay with her is that I could ride the estimable Hampton.


Which like.

I post videos of me riding fairly regularly, so y'all know I am not a super amazing rider.

And also.

I have BEEN THERE when you're watching someone royally f**k up your horse and just standing there counting how many weeks it's going to take you to put them back together once they get off.

So no way in hell I'd hold someone to an offer like that. We put way too much into the giant, fragile beasts of ours to just let every internet weirdo who shows up at our house get on them.
so hampy!
I would also like to not that I probably win the award for world's most oblivious blogger because apparently everyone BUT ME knew that Hampers was "Hugenourmous" (per Andrea) and I just thought he was normal size until I stood next to him like DAMN SON. DAMN. Because he is a big, big horse.

I figured I could at least take some cute iphone pictures for Karen.

Which I did.

But with all the cookie-stuffing, ear-forward-getting, and outfit-changing, the one thing that really shone through was Hampton's hilarious and amazing personality. I'm really, really picky about horses--I don't like rude, pushy, mean, or needy. 97% of horses I interact with are a total "meh pass" for me (and the other 3% are usually indicative of my deeper personal issues, but who's counting?!).

U R GIVE HAMPERS A COOKEE

I'm trying to write this without sounding like the world's worst tinder first date, but Hampton just has this goofy personality and larger-than-life persona. He's hard to photograph because he just wants to be with you the whole time. And not in the needy-pushy-whos-the-alpha-mare sort of way that makes me INSANE but like in a friendly, perfectly adorable way.

I don't know whether he brings the best out in Karen or she brings the best out in him, but the two of them together are amazing. (Not that I wouldn't TOTALLY STEAL HIM if I had a chance, but they really have a beautiful relationship.)

...I will try to keep this going so Karen doesn't flip out and think I'm taking the Kia to Kentucky and stuffing Hampersand in the back seat. BECAUSE I MIGHT.

Haha. You didn't see that here.

Regardless, Karen popped on Hamps and did all the cool dressaging. She's all "oh I'm not a very good rider" and I'm like "yeah you super suck, other than like your perfect hands and legs that never move and excellent posture and your excellent seat and perfect outfit BUT OTHER THAN THAT..." so anyways don't believe Karen when she says those things because believe me I wish I rode like her.

And then she's like "want a turn?" and I'm like "GROND WANT RIDE PONEE YAS" because I am basically like a caveman next to all that elegance.

We shortened the stirrups and I crawled onto the giant Hampton and giggled like a pony rider. HES SO BIG.

And like.
I R WALKING

I thought I was a Hampton fan before I got on. After riding him? DAMN SON. DAMN. Legit one of the coolest horses I have ever sat on. Scratch that. The coolest. Because like I have sat on some $$$$$$ horses and not one of them was I like "LOOK A BEAR" to distract their owner and then galloped off into the sunset on. (Not that I did this either--Karen is pretty smart about where bears are and also a hella faster runner than me.)

Cough. Let me try to use words and facts here. I don't know enough to ask Hampton to do cool dressage shit like Karen does, but I can toodle around like a first-ish level dressage rider. Hampton did EXACTLY what I asked of him. He wasn't running off with me and I wasn't pony kicking him to go. He put in the effort I asked for. If I asked for a downward transition and totally dropped him and took my leg off, well...
def what you want to do with your friend's 4th level horse in front of her
But if I sat up and rode and put my leg on and looked where I was going?
like i even know what a double is for lolz
I'm pretty cautious on new horses, especially with my fresh-out-of-rehab status and total lack of fitness right now, but Hampton put me at ease and was a total blast to ride. Karen even assisted from the ground and I did my first ever piaffe!
move over steffan peters!
I don't really know how to wrap this up. I love Hampton. He is the shit. THANK YOU KAREN for putting up with my weird caveman self and letting me play with your awesome pony.

And if he disappears from your pasture, definitely don't look in my back yard.

41 comments:

  1. Awwww!!!! I love this post. Hamps is so cool and Karen has done an amazing job with him. Love all the pictures :)

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    1. I have so many pictures of him. I sent them to Karen too so hopefully it's not weird.

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  2. I believe Hamps has the most best nicknames ever. Also you totally need to stuff him in your Kia while pointing out bears. Obviously. Besides can you imagine the dress-up outfits he'd have???

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    1. RIGHT? I mean, he already looks fantastic in my new bridle. Maybe some Hampers magic will rub off on C.

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  3. GAH you guys both look fantastic on the HUGE CUTE PONY. Love him.

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  4. <3 <3 <3 <3 this is all so totally awesome!!

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  5. Omg his facial expressions kill me ♡

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  6. BEST POST!! :) :) I am so so so happy you enjoyed him! I love sharing him - especially with people like you who appreciate his hilarious personality! The tripping fail photo is awesome. Typical Hampton! hahaha!

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    1. Must be a different experience to read a blog about your horse by someone else, lol.

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  7. So awesome of Karen to share her pony with you! He sounds amazing. Perhaps he can be cloned?

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    1. Unfortunately, I am not in the cloning income bracket.

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  8. So cool. So, so cool. Hampton seems like such a neat horse, awesome you got to play with and ride him! You look good on him....

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  9. I've known Karen since she was in 6th grade (and I was a lowly 5th grader) and we took lessons and showed a little together as kids. I wanted to be her so bad because she was the best rider in the barn and rode all the hard horses. She got my beast started under saddle for me a few years ago (who is a not small animal and Hampton makes him look like a pony). I've turned her down when she's offered rides on Hampton because I'm petrified of doing something wrong!

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  10. Love this! What an amazing experience! I've known Hampton since he was a scraggly 4-5 (?) Year old. Karen is amazing no matter what she tries to say. She made that horse from square one and did an amazing job.

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    1. Right? I'm like "plz come to my barn and fix C kthxbai".

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  11. He so prettyyyyyyy. And YAY PIAFFE.

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    1. He's this amazing mix of goofy and debonair.

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  12. So cool!! I'm always flabbergasted if someone lets me sit on their nice horse. Hampy is so cute!

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    1. Haha right? It's like "you know I can't actually ride, yes?"

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  13. Awesome, awesome, awesome. Looks like you did a good job and had fun doing it!

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  14. I"m super happy for you that you got to ride such a cool beast. Piaffe!!!!

    I'm sad that Brownie fits him though. It means there is very little hope it would fit my tiny-faced red horse :(

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    1. Well. It was a tich small on Hamps and fits C just great and it is the horse size, since they were sold out of cob. ;-)

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  15. He should fit in the Kia easy peasy. No one will notice if IN Warmblood suddenly becomes ID Warmblood. Also I welcome all internet strangers to come gallivant on Bobby. I feel like no one can screw him up quite as well as I can.

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    1. I mean, he's totes game to try it and it's not the smallest Kia on the market, so maybe?

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  16. I love this post so much and he sounds like a completely amazing horse :)

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  17. Hampers is super cool! Lucky you!

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  18. I never noticed his size until you said something. Now I can't stop staring. He IS enormous, isn't he?!?!

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    Replies
    1. Haha right? Glad it's not just me. He is SO BIG in person.

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