Picture Time!

Before I so rudely jetted out of town for the week, I got Ellie to take a ton of pictures of the grudgingly-consenting Cuna and never shared most of them with you. If we're facebook friends and you've already seen them, bear with me. Now you get the inside story, which is of course more exciting and interesting.

Cuna has approved this blog

I think it actually took less pleading and manipulating than last time to get some decent candid shots. Maybe Cuna did want a less-emotional less-photo-obsessed boy, but as long as his girl feeds him lots of cookies, he'll cope.

Ellie caught us at an incredibly opportune time--since coming back from Utah, we'd launched into a two week jumping intensive. That kind daily consistency really helps Cuna maintain some flexibility through his whole body.

The ever stylish "pony nose" pose

We start out on a reasonably long rein. After 5-10 minutes walking (need to let the old man limber up), we move into the trot. This is when the warm up starts to differentiate based on the workout I have planned. If we're jumping or doing some dressage figures, I keep a light contact and work on engaging his hind end through small circles and changes of bend.

If we're doing a recovery day after a hard workout (hills or jumping lesson), we stay on big, sweeping turns and focus on a steady rhythm and lots of stretching.

At first, I don't pick up much contact--I want the emphasis on going forward in balance. We roll into the canter and let him clear his lungs while I stay off his back.

We do a couple of simple changes to make sure all his legs are stretched out and then we go forward and back a few times to make sure all the buttons are working.

Ok, First jump. We'll get there.

Then it's time to start jumping. I like to pick a single vertical with a short approach and a long backside. That forces me to spend more time worrying about the line after the jump than before. My current rule for myself is to never actually look -at- a jump. I look at the line behind it.

I am working towards being competent and supportive all the time, but let's face it: I'm new at this (jumping well). We generally puke over the first one or two and then I get myself sorted out. Hands in mane? Check. Leg on? Check. Eyes up? Check. Ride the line. Let Cuna do his job.

Not the highest jump, but I love our expressions

Once I've figured out how to ride forward to my fences and concentrate on the line after, we're golden. Then I can canter him down lines, hold for a deep spot, and jump in fine form.

In addition to my new found focus on the backside of the jump, I am now jumping primarily at 2' and above. While I'm perfectly happy to piddle over crossrails, Cuna tends to trip on them. He really jumps best around 2'6" and up. Maybe I'll even conquer my weird oxer phobia. At the rate we're going, crazy things can happen.

Thoughts

Can I just say that I love this picture?

Yeah.

I do.

A week ago Saturday, Cuna and I were jumping in fine form. We were scheduled to go to a cross country clinic the coming weekend and I was hoping things would work out more satisfactorily than last time.

Instead I went on a trip to a show in a different state as a groom. I'm not really sure what that says about me.

WE HAYTZ THE BUGZ

It was a long, fun week. I'm now back in town, gettting reacquainted with Cuna, and planning to head to a different schooling event in early July (Rafter K clinic/derby for all y'all locals).

My thought is that we will do two XC lessons on Friday and Saturday. On Sunday, if I'm not mentally ready to go beginner novice, it may be time to consider a discipline change.

Let's face it. I have the horse. I have the ability. If I can't get myself together, I need to find something else to do.

Jumper shows may be calling my name.

Hello World

Gratuitous Cuna photo spam

I dropped off the radar due to a last minute opportunity to groom at an out of state horse show. We got back last night and I fed Cuna a whole bag of baby carrots. I'll be out to see him sometime today (hooray free time!) and probably back in action by tomorrow.

Because We're Adorable

So shiny!!

 As I mentioned, the world's best Ellie came out to do a re-shoot of Cuna and I on Saturday. The first time she shot us, we were quite a new partnership and it was cold and awful outside.

Sunny May days and a jumping intensive make for excellent conditions.

Here's Cuna's updated conformation shot. He's filled out a lot, put on a ton of muscle, and his coat is looking completely amazing. <3

 A more dramatic pose from the old guy. I think he's really starting to get the hang of this whole "pictures" thing. It's still not his favorite, but as long as I ride ok, he's putting up with cameras.

What made this shoot especially memorable for me (aside from some of the best horse shots ever taken) is that I dropped off his signed contract and down payment the day before. :-) The old guy is mine now.

After what Cuna seemed to think was an eternity of headshots and candids, we finally went and put tack on him.

Warming up at the trot. It takes a certain amount of talent and horse knowledge to understand how to get good shots on the flat. I absolutely love all the picture Ellie took. As I told her, "They're all my favorite. I can't pick just one." 

You can see that Cuna has actually started to flex at the poll (!!). He's nicely forward and well balanced. Believe it or not, that's what it looks like when my heels are down. 

 And canter! Despite his capacity for speed, Cuna loves a nice, slow warmup. We canter around while I stay off his back and do circles, changes of direction, and simple changes to get him moving and thinking.

I've known Ellie pretty much forever and she keeps commenting on how I'm just a completely different person around Cuna than I ever was around Izzy. We just suit each other, and it's kind of perfect.

Giant jump!

There are a plethora of super amazing jumping pictures of us which we can break down in detail throughout the next couple weeks, but I just thought I'd put this one up. I didn't measure, but it's a 2'9"ish ascending oxer coming off a 5 stride line. We cantered in, jumped the first oxer effortlessly, put in 5 nice strides, and jumped out.

You know, like magic.

The way everyone else does it.

Our first attempt was not great and I wasn't happy with it, so I decided to try it again and get things a little straighter and more balanced. Yep. Circled around and jumped more big jumps because I felt like it. I wasn't even scared.

It's a whole new us.

Sunday Picture(s)

We are so flipping cute

 The incredible Ellie came out and did a photoshoot for us this past Saturday. I will do a proper write up tomorrow, but for now, enjoy the first fruits.

Jumping!!

Jump Lesson Video

I'll preface this by saying that I really can't watch someone ride and video them. It's all I can do to keep the horse in the frame. The fact that Steph can teach a lesson and video is actually pretty impressive.

Without further ado, here's video our jump lesson on Wednesday. The jump you can't see because Steph is standing next to it is actually the super scary gate that we had a stop at.




After that go round, we tried again. This time, I can actually make the bending line. :-)



Throughout this whole lesson, I felt comfortable, confident, and just the right amount of challenged.

Moving Forward

Thank you all for your kind, wise, and/or understanding words. I've spent way too much time over-analyzing, self-doubting, and making resolutions I can't afford to keep. I've talked to Steph and some of her clients who have been in the same place.

It comes to this: I sold Izzy and am buying Cuna because I want to have fun. I don't want to be afraid anymore. I think that's reasonable.

My comfort zone has expanded in leaps and bounds in the past few months. Me, the arena queen who was afraid of crossrails, now boldly hacks out in groups and alone and jumps verticals without too many second thoughts. That's progress. I got there by 1) finding a suitable horse completely by mistake and 2) getting out and doing it.

Both Steph and her clients brought up that I just plain don't have to do cross country if I don't enjoy it. There are lots of other fun things to do on horseback. They're right, but I'm not quite done. Dammit, I want to enjoy this.

To that end, I've thrown all of this summer's goals out the window. We're going to just get out and see if I can find a comfort zone over solid jumps. We're riding in the clinic at the upcoming derby. We're dropping down to the intro division, where Cuna can literally walk over everything they put in front of us.

We jumped yesterday-a single vertical with a short approach and a lot of options on the back side. I trotted and cantered over it until I could focus on the landing and felt comfortable staying in the middle no matter what spot Cuna picked. We jumped today in a lesson. I felt challenged and interested and capable of answering the questions if I tried really hard, which is right where I need to be.

This was fun.

I don't know what's ahead. I'd like to say we're going to conquer this and move boldly forward, but it's all up in the air right now. Maybe spending time out on course will let me calm down and enjoy myself. Maybe I'll realize it's not for me, at least not right now.

I don't know where we're going exactly, but we're going to find a way to enjoy the whole process.

PS I swear there is video. Sometime, I'll even get to see it.

Back on Course

Suited up for the big drive

 We're back. Cuna was super--loaded and hauled like the pro he is, and was just plain awesome to be around. We rolled in to Ogden, UT around 4pm and by 6, we were out hacking on the cross country course. In order to get there, we had to ride down the race track. I was a little worried that a certain Mr Racehorse might have some memories to work through, but he just marched along. 


The other horses had a good look around and were a bit silly. Cuna was the solid citizen that made everyone feel safer. I felt privileged to be on him at that point. 

Waiting for the jumps

 The next morning, he and I were set to ride in the first group at 8am. He obviously knew what was going on--he'd stop eating and stare at the track/course for several minutes at a time. No anxiety or nervousness, just calm mental preparation.

I wish I had felt half as good. I barely slept the night before, which is really weird for me. I didn't eat anything when I got up and I limited my water intake. I wanted to manage the amount of things I could be sick on. (Here's a link to my last XC experience. If you're new to this blog, the gist of it is that I ended up with a broken arm and jaw and 6 weeks out of the tack.)

I did my best to stay away from Cuna while I did chores. I knew I was a nervous wreck and I didn't want that to unduly influence him. He was quiet and patient when I tacked him up, and stood nicely while I held him and another horse whose rider needed to step out for a minute.

I got on and he was quiet but attentive. He didn't understand why I was so ridiculously tense to go out for a ride, but he jigged appropriately to remind me that he was in tune with me. I tried to remember to keep breathing and loosen up, but my brain was not cooperating very well.

We warmed up on the grass, trotting and cantering around in big loops over the undulating terrain. I felt more comfortable out in the open and more secure in the saddle than last time I was out here. I felt relatively calm, but I knew I was tense. Mr Laid-Back himself was reminding me that I was very, very excited as he pranced a bit and tossed his head.

The first jump of the day was a tiny log, maybe 12" tall. As we trotted to it (slowly, so the horses wouldn't trip), I felt like throwing up. I wanted to get off, quit, do anything but go forward. Cuna stopped in front of the log and pranced in place. I knew that all I had to do was put my leg on and he could have stepped over it.

I sat there, legs hanging useless.

Sigh.

We circled around, came again, and he went while I put my leg on and kept my hands in his neck. I barely even felt the log--it was so small that it really wasn't any effort for him to go over. We kept circling back over it and I finally started to feel a little more at ease. Then Steph asked if I wanted to jump the BN log laying next to it.

It might as well have been the great wall of china. I froze up just looking at it. I couldn't just dig down and grit it out to go over that--it was everything I could do to convince myself I wasn't going to die over the tiny baby log.

Boss pony. Does it all.

The lesson progressed in kind. Cuna did exactly what I told him to, which thankfully, did not involve any more stopping. We made it over a ditch, up and down a bank (terrain questions don't bother me. Not sure why jumps make me want to die), through the water, down a different bank, and over another log. We put a little course together. I got to pick the jumps, so we did tiny log to tiny log, over the ditch, up the bank, down the bank.

My goal for the day was to not go to the ER, which I achieved. I also stayed on, which was sort of a secondary goal that I was willing to part with as long as I made the first one.

Beyond that? I am really not happy with how I rode. I hate that I went out there and froze. I hate that I was too scared to push myself. I hate that I wasn't willing to try something more. Yeah, it's my first time back, but Cuna and I have done way harder, cooler things in an arena every day of the week. This is different, but not that different. He was fine for the whole thing. I froze and could hardly keep myself together.

I'm telling myself that it was a "non negative" experience and next time might be better. I mean, at least it will never be my first ride back after a wreck on Izzy again. I'm frustrated with how much crap I still have to work through. I'm annoyed with myself for not just loosening up and having a good time.

Give this pony carrots.

 At the end of the day though, I'm still thrilled with Cuna. He was such a trooper. There were racehorses working on the track, a train going by, a green horse freaking out and wanting to be with him, and the old man just took good care of me. He made me ride every jump, but he didn't do anything dirty or naughty. He didn't scare me--I just didn't realize how hard it would be to come back.

Going forward, I have no idea what to do with myself. The whole point of selling Izzy was to try and have fun again. This weekend wasn't really what I'd call fun. Maybe it will get better.

I'm not going down without a (continued) fight. Cuna and I are jumping 4-5 days a week from here on out. Not to worry--it will be over tiny little insignificant things that won't stress him at all. I am going to learn to trust him, keep my leg on, ride forward, and give him the reins. I'm going to focus on the backside of the jump and what to do on the landing. Whatever happens, I am not going to pull back on him for the rest of the month. All motion is forward.

We're supposed to go to a local derby at the end of the month. I entered BN, but I think I'll drop down to the 2'3". Maybe I'll try to get in to one of the clinic days and just see how it goes after two weeks of trust boot camp. I don't know exactly what to do, but I know I don't want to stay where I'm at.

PS For those concerned, there is video evidence of me jumping a giant red gelding over teeny tiny logs. I will post it as soon as I get it.

Utah bound!

We'll be loading the horses in a couple hours and in the meantime I'm running around like a crazy person. Whee! Hopefully I'll have at least some pictures when I get back.

Going for a Ride

I feel like I've been run over by a steam roller this week and have a terrible time getting my motivation in line with my to-do list. I'm back down to just working 5 days a week, which is lovely, but I'm quite far behind on the rest of my life and have out of town family visiting. 

Sigh. 

I took a look at the list for today, and decided the best way to get through it was just to start out with a ride on Cuna. 

Love. This. 

Somehow, the view between his ears just makes everything better, every time. We started out by 

galloping up my favorite hill after a quick warmup. Then we hacked to the arena and popped over a cross rail a few times. I wanted to make sure I could ride him to the base of the fence, keep my hands in his mane, and ride smoothly over. It took a couple tries, but when we were in sync, I called it a day. 

It's amazing how something as simple as a 30 minute ride can completely clear my head. I feel so much more relaxed and focused. 

AND OMG XC SCHOOLING MONDAY!!!!