Well This Sucks

We've been not talking about Courage for a long time now, so let's talk about him.

First things first--it's been a process, but I think we've hammered out the maintenance that will work for him and he's sound in work and ready to go. Vet doesn't foresee any limitations in terms of dressage/trails/whatever on the flat. Trainer is putting rides on him and says he feels really good.

(Btw for those of you keeping track--while Alli definitely got the prize for best comment on my last post, the neck twist was a chiropractic issue that has been handled. Quite simple.)

But.

Courage is an all-or-nothing sort of horse.

And while for a long time I've been able to appreciate that or laugh it off or make memes about it, now is not that time. I'm wading through a lot of personal shit and there isn't an end in sight and I can't make it stop.

But it means I can't bring my A-game to Courage.

And that doesn't work for him.

Right now, I need horses to be simple and fun. I need them to bring me joy, not force me to wrack my brain and push myself constantly.

Courage isn't a bad horse. He's a really cool guy in a lot of ways. He never quits trying. He's smart, he learns fast, he works hard. He's gorgeous and photogenic and good to have around.

Believe you me, I wish I could keep making this work. I adore him and he's done a lot for me and I wish there was some way I could keep trying.

It's taking all I've got to deal with life shit and there's nothing left over to deal with Courage.

That's not his fault. It's not my fault. It just is.

Of course, there's this whole giant blog about him and I've been quite public about our struggles, which probably won't help the re-homing process. I don't believe in back editing/deleting that stuff though, so it is what it is. I haven't posted ads at this point because he's a particular kind of horse and he needs a particular kind of person.

So if you or someone you know wants a gorgeous, fabulous horse with some quirks, talk to me. Obviously, there will be full disclosure of all vet records etc. Nobody needs surprises.

I'm not quitting horses and there will be another eventually, but my #1 priority is finding Courage the right place.

And once more, his stupid name is strangely relevant.

Courage

New Faces, Old Problems

say hello to Bowie

I continue taking advantage of opportunities to sit on horses. Part of that is to broaden my skills as a rider. Part is because I want to suss out if I'm missing out on something in terms of horses. I mean. I know Courage isn't the easiest, but I need to know for me what I'm ok with. 

I'm learning a lot right now--for example, as much as I don't think Courage is an "ideal" rehab horse, other options aren't necessarily better. Courage is very much a horse where you need to sit still and stay out of his way. He's not a big mover and his back doesn't swing a lot naturally. 

and he really loves the velcro game his auntie taught him

It's not ideal for dressage. 

But. 

I think I got back to riding much more quickly because of it. The horse I sat on yesterday was a big-moving (for me, not compared to "big movement" horses) young warmblood gelding. And like. When said big, loose-moving horse loses his shit, it is very lost. VERY. Oh and also said horse is super quiet and normally totally fine, but horses are horses and sometimes you just have to run and buck and leap and spook like an idiot. Because horse.

and then i ride like a super defensive monkey

So it's not only a gauge of "what do I want to do" but also a range of "what nope responses am I okay with". 

Courage is a known quantity to me. I know he can't buck for shit. I know he'll bolt if he's scared, but I also know he's not a dick about it and he'll try to warn me first. He's not a spook. He doesn't spin (usually). I'm okay with those things (unless it's a show warm up in an open field by the road. Long story.) 

plus totes adorbs

Other horses certainly have less dramatic responses. The two lovely mares I rode were more like "ehhhhh I put my head up and nooooooo" and less "LEAVING NAOW BAI". That was a nice switch, but conversely, they were a lot more physical to ride. Which is not a bad thing. It's just a thing that rehab girl here has to think about.

oh no! she's a bit curled! 

I'm definitely becoming a better, more aware rider because of the opportunities I have right now. I'm incredibly grateful that I've gotten to sit on some legitimately nice horses and ride through my issues. 

And hours after my lesson, I'm sitting here trying to convince my back it doesn't have to be pissed about the big horse.  

It doesn't believe me. 

Training While Broken: Courage Style

Thank you stupid car accident, I still feel like poo most of the time and my body doesn't work and my brain doesn't work super great either. I'm bored to tears by lunging right now and our outdoor arena is just starting to be rideable.

that makes both of us, i think

The few times I've sat on C-Rage this year have been in the safe confines of the indoor. You know, small, no windows, no room to get up serious speed if he decides to peace the hell out. It happens.

So because I'm not the rider I ought to be right now and Courage is the horse he is, I've made some different choices. For example, does anyone else remember how C likes to hardcore bolt and flail in the spring? And how the first ride outside ALWAYS necessitates bolting? No? Well maybe it's just me but if I weren't massively lazy, I'm pretty sure I could dig up posts about it for you.

am massively lazy. insert dr chiweenie image as diversion.

Soooooo our first excursion to the great outdoors was on a lunge line. With Vienna reins. In the safe end.

oh hullo there sexy

That went shockingly well--not a single bolt or flail, just positive forward energy. Let's look at that again.

dead sexy

The next day we worked back inside and C was definitely a little sore and tired from that much brilliance. Also kinda batshit due to the fluctuating turnout from the weather. Then we came back outside again, this time to do some groundwork in a rope halter.

i will take this

The whole idea was that I wanted Courage relaxed and focused on me, now in a "new" and definitely more interesting environment.

omg arena was worked!

Then came our first lesson since November! If I was a smarter person, I would have ridden inside but dammit it was 41f and sunny and the footing was perfect. Oh and I'm totally coasting on this thing where Courage knows I can't ride for shit and despite being a LUNATIC on the lunge half the time, he doesn't put a foot wrong when I ride him. It's possibly the sweetest thing ever.

look who's not bucking me off

I'm not going to lie to you and say it was perfect. My body is useless and doesn't do what it's told. My brain seems to process about 10 seconds behind constantly. My trainer was very, very patient and the worst thing Courage did the whole time was pick up a little canter stride instead of trotting forward, but he came right back when I lost my balance.

such a good boy

Note: I always tell my trainer the secret to this horse is to half ass it and ride like shit. I might be more right than I know.

Of course, the FOUR WHOLE (kidding, more like 2.5 if you count walk breaks) minutes of trotting was about as much as my stupid body felt like coping with, so our next session was in the rope halter. As much as I hate having my schedule dictated to me by pain, it's forcing me to think through how to address our problems differently.

So problem. When I ask Courage to do something he thinks is hard, he gets tense and flings himself around. Also problem: he thinks the top of the outdoor arena is scary.

opinions. we haz them.

So I took him to the top of the outdoor arena and did some groundwork exercises until he was focused and relaxed. Success level one: scary place not scary.

Then I looked at the scary ass mess of ground poles in the corner. Fun fact: C HATES ground poles. He's actually more ok with jumps than poles.

So I led him over them at the walk. That was fine. Time to make it harder.

I sent him over it at the walk on a circle left.

That was a little rushed, but ok.

Then I asked him to change direction and walk back over them.

BINGO

He didn't like me off his right side, he didn't like the poles, and he didn't like the scary end. He threw his shoulders in my direction and his head up and slammed it in reverse.

God damn I love ground work for this stuff. First things first--no horse gets to push into my space, even if they're ten feet away on a lunge line. Running over me is NOT an option. (PS and if you don't train your horse like this, do not ask me to handle it. I have zero tolerance for being run over.)

Next things next. When I say "go forward quietly", I mean "I am the boss hoss in this here shindig and I say it's safe to proceed quietly SO GIT YER ASS OVER THAR NAOW".

his yes ma'am face

Now, I have to qualify that statement--Courage is a sensitive horse with a hair trigger. In our relationship, a "big" reprimand is me swinging the coiled lunge line at his butt. Not hitting it. Swinging it at him. It's an unusual day if I really even pull on the rope. Because he is so reactive, I don't get excited when he slams it in reverse. I let him go so he doesn't feel trapped and don't reprimand unless it crosses the line into naughty.

And even then, when I say "reprimand", for this horse, I mean a tug on the rope and saying "knock it off, asshole" out loud in a normal tone.

This horse is not representative of all horses, but he's my horse and this is the method that gets me the best results. I don't feed his drama and then he comes back to me.

And maybe it's stupid to say this, but the biggest factor is the release--so he does something well and I immediately take pressure off by turning away, let him stand, and stare at my phone until he finishes licking and chewing.

So. All that. We fixed "go over there quietly" and we fixed "pay attention to SB" and we fixed "scary end omg", and then we went back to the poles.

hey look who can walk like a sane horse

 I guess I should add something here--I have no idea who set the poles or what the hell they were trying to accomplish. On this day with this horse, I wanted him to relax and look where he was going so I didn't "fix" them to a more correct distance. I wanted him to think through a problem calmly. No shits given about proper striding.

admit you kinda love his mud dreds

And by the end of the session, I had a horse working calmly through a difficult exercise with a soft eye and a soft body on the scary end of the scary arena. We call that "Success Level Two".

I certainly wouldn't choose to be this way and I don't know how well this is going to translate going forward, but it's a whole new way to spend time with Courage and we're making the best of it.

How to Build a Canter (during snowpacalypse while concussed when your friends will kill you if you ride)

This post goes out to the like... two of you who aren't bored out of your skull by lunging and training. But my world is solid ice with 10" of snow on the way and I still can't ride and I want to think about something I don't hate.

I'd be lying through my teeth if I said I was happy that I haven't sat on my horse since November, but our winter of SB crippling out to the barn and putting Courage on a lunge line is having some interesting side effects. See, Courage has a super shitty canter.

whee!

Well. That's not really true. He canters in ONE WAY. He tenses his underline and PLUNGES into canter and moves his body via momentum instead of strength. To me, that's why he can jump beautifully but everything goes to shit in between the fences--his technique is superb, but if he gets an off distance, he doesn't have the physical ability to change his canter to fix it and panics. I cannot say whether the canter is genetic thing or racing thing or a brain thing or what. I can just say that is what I have.

The past few weeks in the Vienna reins have been utterly fascinating for me. Courage is now trotting regularly like this:

omg

I'm not scrubbing the whole video for the perfect screen shot. I'm pulling a ton of screen shots and going "omg how do I choose". To me, this shot shows a moment of suspension allowed by Courage swinging through his whole body. I see withers lifted, topline engaged. I'd like to see more from behind, but this is new for us and that's where he's at. He walks like a panther, his w/t/w transitions are gorgeous, and everything is peachy.

The vienna reins aren't magic--they just set some parameters and allow him to find his balance within a certain range. I keep them adjusted pretty long because I don't want him to feel trapped, though not too long, because they don't need to flap uselessly. Plus, I'm not here for a headset. It's critical that I focus on Courage keeping his hind end moving so he's tracking up (at least) at both walk and trot. That is what mechanically asks him to move his back and use his body. If I let him get "behind the leg" as it were, he'd just be stuck in a pose and dumped on the forehand with his back jammed up.

no pics of that

But what about the canter?

This is what is the most interesting for me. Canter is and always has been a hot button issue for us. The transitions are bad and the canter itself isn't better. Under saddle, the standing martingale has limited the leaping and bolting, but not stopped it and we haven't been able to change it.

So basically we have two isssues:
1) Courage doesn't understand how to step up into canter the way he can walk to trot and
2) Courage doesn't understand how to push from behind, lift his withers, and canter correctly

We can only address one issue at a time, because reality. However, this is a serious chicken/egg issue--you can't really canter well out of a bad transition, but you also can't really get a good transition to a bad gait. So.

The past few weeks, I've intentionally set Courage up for the best transition possible t/c, then just taken what he's given me and worked the canter itself. That brings us shots like this:

up transition shit but oh well

Again, this was very intentional. I needed Courage to find a good canter that was balanced and comfortable. I had to play with this A LOT to get there.

I'd assumed that because his balance was not good and claustrophobia is his go-to, that we'd do big circles and go freely forward, but no. What I found was that if I kept Courage on a 10-15 meter circle and VERY engaged, I could get a few strides of the canter in the picture above. As soon as I got those strides, I'd ask for a downward transition or if he lost his balance, just let him drop to trot and reorganize. This actually makes sense--I'm asking him to change his whole way of going and to do that, I need to make a difference every stride, not just let him cruise around.

balanced and moving forward softly

It took a while, but Courage was starting to get where he actually had a semi-decent canter. He couldn't hold it long and his upwards transitions were not good, but he was starting to have consistent, good downward transitions and was able to make a couple 10-15 meter correct canter circles.

But transitions are important.

And again, doing the same thing wasn't working. No matter how well I set him up, the best transition I could get was this:

not attractive. video here if super interested.

 We got it down to one or two strides of blast off and way-less-blasty-blast off, but even with the small circles and extra transitions and good canter, we weren't breaking through to the next level. The only way Courage understood to get to the canter was to drop his withers, invert, and lunge.

The vienna reins do set parameters, but I didn't want to crank them in and force a headset to get my point across. Besides, if there's something Courage is the best at, it's bracing on the least resistance possible. So. Crank him in, create a new fun version of this problem. Whee!

So we tried another different approach.

I hooked Courage up in the vienna reins like usual, but instead of my normal "walk til he's soft and reaching, w/t/w transitions on a small circle until he's soft in the body, gradually move him out to a bigger circle and ask for more trot etc etc etc", I immediately put him on a small 5-8m circle and asked him to reach for the contact from the lunge line.

then this video

IE, instead of maintaining a position through his own good graces, I wanted him to actively seek what I was offering. I didn't care what gait and we definitely had some frenetic "omg wtf you crazy human i must leave" moments, but every time he backed off, I asked for more. Every time he hollowed, I made his circle smaller, and when he took an honest contact and went forward, we gradually moved onto a bigger circle.

As he began to understand the question, I started asking for actual gaits. Same as with his downwards though, I let him give me what he had and there was zero pressure or punishment if it wasn't quite right--we'd just do it again. Think ask for canter transition, but as long as he thinks about trying, don't ask again or push or punish. Just keep going, because Courage is enough of an overachiever at this point that I absolutely respect his try and don't want to frazzle him.

Our first videoed transition looks like this:

hmmm

Yeah it's not great, but what I see is lifted withers and an honest attempt to step up, if somewhat mediocre execution. But instead of star gazing, he's a little bit thinking about the contact.

And then I had this canter:

mmmmmm

Withers lifted, hind leg stepping under, topline engaged.

And he even offered me this moment:

oooooo

 It was half a stride, not a circle, but Courage offered a stretch in the canter of his own accord, which means he felt balanced and comfortable enough to experiment with his frame. I'll take it.

 We kept working the transitions and by the end, I had this:

mmmmmhmmmmm

I don't see this frame and think "omg pirouette canter", but I don't care. What I see is a horse that's giving me his best shot right now. Instead of launching his front end and leaving his ass behind, Courage is stepping up into the canter, he broke at the poll, and he's thinking very hard about using his topline. I mean. Look. That underneck is almost slack. Yeah, I'd like to see him lift his withers and be a little more uphill, but that will come.

It's a long, slow, tedious process, no two ways about it. I am absolutely fascinated by figuring out ways to break this down for him and I love watching it start to come together.

Now someday, I need to be able to actually get on the damn horse and see if any of this pans out under saddle.

this one time, i put tack on him for no reason

C'mon SB's body. Get it together.

Like Father, Like Son: The Story of a Courage

Emma got everyone talking about Thoroughbred pedigrees again, which is super cool. I really, really wish I was the pedigree queen who cared about breeding and shit, but I'm not and I don't. I do, however, have friends that are SUPER into it. So I coast on that.

My one friend who ought to blog and doesn't made me this. It's Courage's pedigree with photos of all the relatives she could track down, which is pretty cool.

His sire is Lord Carson.

def didn't get chrome from daddy

Courage was born 2005, so bred 2004. Per this article, Lord Carson's stud fee was 10k in 2002, 5k in 2003. Lord Carson won 12/27 races and made over 600k, so a decent stallion but not what you'd call "royally bred" or anything, other than his slightly pretentious name.

Oh and this. This TOTALLY sounds like Courage: "Grade 2 winner LORD CARSON (Carson City) died on March 16 due to head injuries he suffered while in the breeding shed. " Dramatic freak breeding accident? Yup. I can see that. Courage isn't even a stallion and he'd like to have one of those. Furthermore, depending on who you ask, that was either a totally random whoopsie or HIGHLY correlated with his rapidly plunging value in the breeding shed with an insurance renewal coming up. 

So that's kind of interesting. Definitely theatrical.

fabio-approved

Courage is a pretty unique guy--I was initially attracted to his confidence and calm and when further poking around Lord Carson lore (who knew?!), I found these quotes about the plain bay stallion:

"The first time I got to ride him was in November of his three year old year and he was already built like a six year old."

That checks out. C has always been BEEFY. Like "his race trainer put him on a diet" style beefy. He's built and he's not ashamed of it.

"And he had the body awareness of a mature horse too. And confidence. He was a bay horse and he had a swagger. He walked slowly, purposely, with the confidence of a lion and a kind demeanor."

Dying laughing here. Check, check, and check. Courage believes in Courage and Courage does what Courage wants. He always takes care of himself, isn't racy or quick, and goddamn he's an incredibly confident horse. He's scared of nothing.

"Lord Carson showed speed and used it tactically as a weapon. He didn’t need to go as fast as he could and he clearly wasn’t running scared. Other horses didn’t intimidate him and he used his speed wisely and with intimidation. He was just so damn cool."

Yeaaaaaah pretty much. He's totally unbothered by other horses and actually tends to do things just to get under their skin.

And then this: "It was in this moment that I saw another side to my kind, confident, friend He was pissed!" and "As soon as I lowered my body a few inches Lord Carson accelerated and his stride lengthened so far and so powerfully that his body literally lowered four or five inches."

Emotional and overly sensitive? Hm who does that sound like?

not courage!!

It's all from this article, which is super entertaining if you're obsessed with Courage and his quirks.

Other horses in his past are either so far back I just can't get excited or are super hard to research on account of being named after American State Capitols (I'm looking at you, Carson City). Or you know. Never did anything interesting or were super important to anyone (cough Lori Gail wtf woman).

Courage is a genetic dead end due to the whole "gelding" thing, but it makes me laugh to know he comes by it all honestly.

racehorse courage!!

Hills and Valleys

Courage has not been on his A game lately. It's not exactly his "bottom of the barrel peace out yo" Z game, but riding has been more an exercise in mental gymnastics and patience than any sort of so-called "progress". 

did i mention it got cold? it did

I had a lesson in which we either EXPLODED FORWARD and basically ran down an (imaginary) hill or SLAMMED ON THE BRAKES and tried to reset. It was not pretty or fun. During Trainer's next ride, Courage was perhaps better, but I about gave myself ulcers watching him go around.

Then we added one last minute ride in a clinic because I don't know, I make good life choices. I lunged Courage in the outdoor before our ride time inside and it was... well... there was a lot of bolting and one time he ran backwards into the fence, but we did come to some sort of accord so that's good I guess.

Then I got on and the clinician asked how he was. I was like "omg hurray we're going the direction I picked!"

it's something

But apparently there's more to riding than that. The clinician pointed out that Courage was just sort of bracing his back and neck and turning his head without every actually yielding his body.

She put us right to work--overbend with him really deep in the neck to position his body to show him how to use his back.

And damn girls--when he got it, it felt good.

things are moving

We did not always get it. In fact we did not get it a lot more than we did. And even when we did get it, it sort of all fell apart when I tried to change directions without losing it.

But.

We did a lot of counterbend around circles with LOTS of bend, and Courage didn't check out. We asked him to really sit and push from behind, and he stayed with me. We did some GOOD changes of direction maintaining that loose, moving back, and he was right there.

So yeah, at about the 30 minute mark in a 45 minute lesson, Courage decided his brain was done and started running sideways and I made Trainer get on and she was like "he's legit done for today guys", but you know what?

little bay horse <3

This was good. Not in a "hip hip hooray such a fun day" sort of way, but in that Courage was able to accept and process and learn concepts that are legitimately hard for us right now and even when he got overwhelmed and needed to be done, it was a discreet "exit stage left" versus the full-on-flail that y'all know and love.

the wheels, they are turning

Oh and the kind auditors at the clinic took like 18 minutes of video for y'all but I was mid phone changeover and it all got wiped off the phone memory so all that remains are a couple still shots. Sorry not sorry.