Oops I Tack Ho'ed Again

(In fairness to me, this one is pretty much 100% Roxie's mom's fault.)

(Ok FINE 60%.)

I have whined repeatedly about how the only drawback to a glorious ZB is that she is a literal tack ho buzzkill. She's a custom bridle size (uh don't ask how many i have right now), a funky boot size (sob), a scary saddle size (omfg), and an 84" blanket (yes at 4 years old and 15.2 tall).

It's not a lot of fun to spend hours digging through backlogs of fb groups and eBay when your odds of success are literally zero. I mean. I started talking to a custom saddle person because y'know, I can't actually buy anything else so I MIGHT AS WELL SAVE UP AND GET SOMETHING REAL NICE. (Actual this is super logical and probably not something I should bitch about.)

I DO WHAT I WANT
also ho shit mare. feel good much?

The point is that I barely shop for things right now. Thus, when Roxie's mom was like "I'm totes going to a Real Tack Store! Do you need anything?", I gave her a list and told her to send me sexy pictures.

she obliged

Sadly, the super extravagant thing I wanted was not available. And again. Good luck getting a 6" bit off the rack EVER. Not that I need a bit. But shopping.

Everyone needs friends like Roxie's mom, because she knows what I like and sent me a ton of pictures and checked sizes. Then she found it:

ooooooooo

Yes that is a purple dressage pad I don't didn't already have.

Of course, then she's like "oh hey there's a matching shirt", but they didn't have it in my size. 

DUN DUN DUN

can you see where this is going

So the next day, I'm obviously in the market for the matching shirt. I go to Riding Warehouse. I find it. The shirt is like $35, which means I need another $20 to use my coupon and still get free shipping. 

I do the only logical thing and start skimming through the clearance section. 

Annnnnnd then I saw it. 

photo via Riding Warehouse

Dream helmet. In the clearance section. In my size. And I've been meaning to get a new vented schooling helmet. And I had a coupon.

AND I NEEDED TO HIT THE FREE SHIPPING THRESHOLD. 

It was the only way. 

I put it in the cart.

I added the coupon. 

I totaled up the fake money sitting in my paypal account from a return (the money is already spent so it doesn't count, right?). 

sad brown ovation needs to be western-only, right?

I texted some of my super rational friends (cough tack hos all) and they were like #yolo. 

That seemed reasonable. 

Plus it will look so good with my new pad and matching shirt.

At that point, I figured I'd done enough damage for a weekend. But it could also be argued that there was a local tack swap thingy that sounded interesting at a barn I'd never been to and hey, I was already awake! Besides, as I VERY LOGICALLY told a friend, it was mostly western stuff. What could I possibly buy? Reins?

Cough.

Finish giggling, then we'll move on.

I dragged the world's best barn dog (tm) to the tack swap and then took FOREVER to walk through and look at things because basically every single person had to admire him. But that means I had a lot of time to think about the first thing I saw when I walked up:

A saddle that looked like it would fit a barrel.

It had some damage. It was priced low to account for it. It looked like it would fit. I hemmed. I hawed. I ran into a local friend who verified that it looked real wide.

Finally I think I annoyed the guy selling it so much that he was like IF IT DOESNT WORK, JUST RETURN IT and FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS HOLY PLZ JUST LEAVE.

sooooooooo

Just remember.

Friends don't make friends add up how much they spent on tack in any given weekend.

Hos Gonna Ho (Part 582,671)

Well. 

So.

A lot of you are being all "frugal" and "admirable" and "responsible" and saying shit like "oh yeah totes not shopping because of [insert adulty reason here]".

I would never presume to denigrate that sentiment because we are all on different journeys and your path might not be isn't mine.

I do respect your choices though, and I want to demonstrate that to you by sending all the things I thought about lately and REALLY WANTED but DID NOT ACTUALLY BUY. (Well ok I mean not "all the things" because that list would be daunting, but here's a good sampling of things I wanted to pull the trigger on BUT IN FACT DID NOT).

This TOTES GORG blue stripe set from PS of Sweden

This BLOODY BRILLIANT set by Le Mieux

This trophy I clearly deserved

This horse statue

this to-die-for OS purple double ombre patent leather Otto Schumacher browband

Or the thoughtfully-detailed matching custom purple Otto Schumacher bridle

Even though there was a DROOL WORTHY Mattes pad to match

and none of these hats

not this jackalope

nor these highly-appropriate socks

I know you're sitting there like "omfg SB! You are a model of frugality and moderation!", to which I'd say in the face of such temptations, I did pretty damn well. Particularly given how bad I wanted everything Otto.

One or two of you might be like "but think of poor ZB! She has almost no things at all and she probably doesn't even think you love her and and DIDNT I SEE A SWAG BRAG PIC ON SOCIAL MEDIA?"

Well yes. I just wanted to be sure you understood that however much money I may or may not have spent at a tack store, it was still far, far less than it might have been. (Particularly if Otto had just jumped off the rack into my pile.)

yeah this pic

I traveled to a city with a big local tack store. I knew I kind of wanted a particular set of boots for ZB and I kind of had an inkling that I wanted to touch halters. I took my (total shopper) sister with me. Girl doesn't know horses but she knows shopping and quality.

That escalated quickly.

I mean, it started pretty innocuously. I found a pair of Kerrits gloves on clearance for like $10.

Put it in the pile.

also pictured: excellent taste in socks

Plus then there was a $90 pair of Majyk Equipe hind dressage boots in white on sale for $25, and I'd be stupid not to get them. (Pro tip: admitting the truth to yourself that your drafty baby needs large front boots and XL hinds might sting initially, but you can find killer deals on dinosaur sizes.)

So they went in the pile. 

...don't overanalyze this

Then it was grooming basics--hard to say no to a purple tail brush and matching curry mitt. Just a couple of bucks, right? 

PILE. 

I touched saddles (they comically topped out at a wide, which like, giggle snort, ZB could maybe wear as a hat except her brain is real big too) and taught non-horsey sister about French vs German vs English leather. She is now a French snob. 

Then we played with bridles and I DID NOT buy the loooooovely edgewood that was screaming my name. I waltzed right past it into the leather halter section. 

(See how many things have not gone in a pile?) 

this was tasty

I'll be honest and admit I've never had a Walsh halter and that I've been drooling on them for years and that I have a massive tack boner for flat raised fancy stitch nosebands and that havana leather is my favorite color of leather and that I hate adjustable chins and love nice halters. 

And I don't know, a fancy stitch Walsh halter just sort of fell into my hands. 

You guys. 

It was real beautiful. 

I was just trying to keep the drool off it and sort of stumbling back towards the rack to hang it up and newly-converted-leather-snob sister snatched it out of my hands and was like PUT IT IN THE PILE. 

And I was like "but $!" and sister was like "EVALUATE PILE LATER", so we moved on to the boot section. 

spoiler alert

I touched some things, and then I saw what I really needed. 

I've been in love with those Equillibrium bumpy polo boot thingys since... hahaha. Well. I had mixed feelings on them until I got to play with Karen's and then T and Leah can tell you that I won't shut up about them the lately. 

And remember how I'm learning to accept that my baby horse is kinda giant and needs dinosaur clothes? 

It puts the boots in the pile or it gets the hose again. 

spoiler alert #2

I WILL HAVE YOU KNOW that I then looked at polos and bell boots and helmets and breeches and human clothes etc and added NOTHING ELSE to the pile (that I currently remember). I mean, this was when I spotted purple Otto and browband, but I didn't even let myself touch that for fairly obvious reasons. (Plus leather-snob-sister probably would have had to point out that Otto bridles are way too much $$$ for the quality. Killjoy.) 

Fortunately, my pile-analyzing skills are super fly, so I carefully went through item-by-item and then was like #YOLO and bought the whole thing. I mean. I thought about passing on the lonely pair of ME boots, but it seemed irresponsible not to buy them. 

plus they fit so nicely in the cat bag

And that is the story about how while it might LOOK like I spent a shit ton of money at a tack store, it was really WAY LESS than it could have been. 

Plus omg. The pretties. 

I Went Shopping (again)

I've been promising a tack write-up, so here goes an explanation of Zoe's latest outfit acquisition. 

she is cartoon pony

Labor Day weekend was... stressful... so I voted to allow myself one good, solid splurge on related tack sales. I'd just started riding Zoe bareback, so I was leaning towards that Thinline Bareback Pad that I have wanted since the Izzy days. It was 20% off with free shipping, which is tempting. 

But.

There was a local tack trailer (that I love) at a local show (that I was going to). I waited to pull the trigger on the pad until I got to the trailer to peruse their selection. I was the first customer up the ramp like WHAT HAVE WE HERE when the owner took the one bridle I've been drooling on for well over a year now and stuck it on the sale rack. 

It was still substantially more than the bareback pad. And I have a Zoe bridle. 

But. SUPPORT LOCAL BUSINESSES, AMIRIGHT. 

teeny supports local shows. unrelated man supports teeny.

Plus I explained how Zoe is a custom fit girl and the shop owner was 100% on board with letting me try it on her and then swapping out parts to get the fit right.

Plus notorious spend-thrifts Alyssa and Nadia were both on site. They always tell me no to everything (and are like "spend your money on lessons/shows" because they are haters) but they both saw the bridle and the sale price and went "yeah the bareback pad will always be there GET THE BRIDLE".

When hell freezes over, you don't question it. You just get your skates and go for it. 

 (Leah and T were obv on board as well. I believe they voted for "both".) 

my trunk is busy, ok?

Unfortunately, the downside to having a SMOOSHY FACE to shop for is that I don't have smooshy measurements memorized (yet) and I'm not solid at just eyeballing her size either. 

I pranced out to the barn the next day. Put the bridle on the Zoe. 

Zoebird is not impressed

...and found out that apparently it was dinosaur sized. Whoops. Fortunately, my mobile tack shop lady makes barn visits and when I sent her the photo, she brought me the next size down. Ladies and (maybe) gents, I give you Zoe in a horse sized bridle:

kyoot

Dear bridle makers: if your horse size fits my 100% custom mare face, you are doing it wrong. 

So that happened. And that was certainly enough. I pretty well blew the stress shopping budget out of the water there. 

#worthit

But I was wandering around the internet, as one does, and I ran across a saddle that Roxie's mom and I had discussed as a potentially good fit for Zoe. It looked like it would work for me. It looked like it would work for Zoe. It was priced at like 40% of what I'd expect given the brand and condition. And yeah, there were like 7 people in front of me in line for it. 

So I kinda forgot about it for a few days, then followed up. 

And got an invoice. 

And then a box. 

quite a box

A real big box. 

i should have made a better selfie face. oh well.

With a fancy dressage saddle inside. 

Again, I pranced out to the barn to dress up Ms. Zoebird.

baby mare!

And uh. Does she look like a fantastic little future dressage mare or what? 

I regret nothing. 

And if you're looking for my checking account, it's definitely not in the shallow grave in my back yard. HUSH YOU.

Life in the Death Haze

I'm lucky I don't live in the parts of the US that are being wrecked by hurricanes, however, I do live in the part that's drowning in smoke from burning something in excess of a million acres this fire season alone. It's basically like living inside a chain smoker's lungs.

don't you seen the downtown skyline? the mountains? i swear they're over there

Like.

The sun doesn't rise.

The smoke just gets a lil brighter.

And since neither I nor Zoe wants to die of emphysema, we've been exploring things to do that don't involve increased respiration.

so round!!

Toodling is always on the agenda. Bareback toodling, even. I can say we're being productive and working on my balance and staying in the middle while building trust and developing Zoe's walk/halt/walk transitions.

Or I can be real and say while those things may apply, I'm loving every minute of having a cool baby mare that I can just pop on bareback with no prep and toodle with.

she's getting a bridle a month at this rate. 

And this is me we're talking about, so naturally there was some very-appropriate tack shopping.

(Me: I need to spend less money.
Me: I will not buy a specialty saddle for a baby horse.
Also me: HEY THATS A GREAT DEAL)

I'll do a better write-up when things arrive. Promise. The stress shopping has been a bit... intense?

Cough.

And.

My smoke will go on, or what have you.

Which is why we took another day to keep it low key and play in the previously spooky indoor arena.


Question: what do smooshy noses not go on?

Outfitting a Zoëbird: Part Two

Needless to say, when you go from the cobbiest of cob size OTTBs that ever cobbed the earth to a Percheron cross baby, not a lot of your tack is going to fit.

Like. Less than you'd think even.

i mean. they go on. and they're purple. so they stay.

I did not expect C's boots to fit, but they do. Sorta. As in. Well. ZB has good, solid bone but isn't exceptionally enormous, so the height is pretty ok. She's definitely broader than C is, so boots that overlapped a little on him don't quite close on her.

o hai expensive boots

I do have this fancy schmancy set of Schockemohle dressage boots that I bought for Courage, but by the time I got done dicking around with eBay UK and they actually arrived, I'd already decided to rehome him. (So if you don't recognize them, that's why.) Anyways. They fit just slightly differently than the knock offs and are the best fitting boot I have right now.

I did not expect my boots to work.

I did expect my saddle pads to work.

yeah she thinks i'm funny too

I keep meaning to take a fairly hilarious video for you guys, but essentially, my beautiful Ogilvy wither-relief pads... uh... don't work for a horse without withers. Like. You push one end down and the other pops up. And if you're wondering, no they do not stay under the saddle. Oops.

Fortunately, I have more dressage pads and those seem to work ok for her shape.

and that shape is hella sexy

 Then saddles. 

Yeah. 

I knew my $$$$ Custom was never going to fit her and I know it's idiocy to buy a $$$$ saddle for a baby horse that's going to change shape dramatically unless you can afford to just keep buying them. Which yeah no. Not happening. 

I scrounged up a saddle at a local consignment place that fits both of us well enough but won't completely break my heart to sell when the inevitable time comes. 

sad lil jump pad

Bridles were tricky of course. Zoëbird is actually the same measurement bit to bit over the poll as Courage, but let's just say all of her other dimensions are... larger. If you're counting, yes, that means off-the-rack bridles are out for her. SOB. This is a shopping killer. I ordered her a Nunn Finer Custom event bridle because they let me pick the size of each piece without ever talking to an actual human being. (That's the whole point of the internet. Retailers, take note.) 

hey baby. sad bridle.

Now of course I have already ordered Ms Zoëbird her very own Topline Leather browband (custom specs omg can't wait!) buuuuut the wait time is killer and no matter how many times I'm like BUT LOOK AT THIS SAD BRIDLE WITH NO SPARKLES, I don't get to jump the line (sob) so I needed an interim browband also. Alyssa let me play with her cool new toy from Blackjak Refinery and with my great sense of restraint, I ordered my own immediately. 

rainbow hematite. i think yes.

Haha and remember how I buy every bit I can get my grabby hands on and never sell them and have this life goal of being the crazy bit lady in 30 years with basically every bit that was ever made?

Uh yeah. 

Well like 85% of horses on the planet wear a 5" bit. So my entire collection is 5" bits. And one 5.5" because there was a sale. 

Guess where this is going.

mmhmm

Yeah the "little" D bit in that picture is my lone 5.5". And yeah. It's too small. The eggbutt is a 6" that fits just fine. Jury is out on the ramifications for the bit collection, but it's a strange position for me to be in. 

Oh and halters? Hahahahahahaha shut up. When Roxie's mom dropped Ms. ZB off, she handed me a rope halter and was like "this fits weird. you can have it." 

just. weird. not bad. 

She's not wrong. It does fit weird. It also goes on Zoëbird pretty ok, so we use it on the daily. 

My inner optimist stuck Courage's fancy clinician-style stiff rope nose-knot halter on her...

someone should slap my inner optimist

Yeah it just straight up doesn't fit. Her smooshy nose barely goes in it and the tie throatlatch is BARELY long enough. 

So uh. Possibly there was some late night online shopping that hopefully rectified this situation. I'll keep you posted. 

Oh. And. We're not even talking about bonnets, ok? WE'RE JUST NOT. 

(definitely) let them tame you

I mean. I guess I would have been disappointed if I didn't get to shop for her. Silver lining?