On Falling Short

Kind of a grim topic today, so I'll try to distract you with beautiful photos of Courage as a western horse. 

together

My excellent photographer friend took these gorgeous shots while we played western horse on Saturday. She was supposed to come back out Monday and do some fun dressage pictures because girlfriend freaking rules the world of trotting pictures with an iron fist.

But I rode Courage Sunday just to see how he'd go, now that he's injected and X-rayed and acupunctured and rested.

Some parts of that ride were phenomenal--he turned right like a champion. He was a whole different horse in the contact. His body was adjustable. His back didn't disappear underneath me.

And no matter what I did, his stride was two inches long and he freaked out when I tried to get it any longer.

I could try to play it cool and be like "yeah totes got off and made a plan and was 100% professional about it", but that would be a straight-up lie.

I resisted the urge to immediately cry or call the vet, but I really wanted to both simultaneously while sitting in the parking lot drinking a sad beer. (Possibly did buy 5 pizzas on the way home, but who's counting?)

he's something special to me

It kills me that this little guy is trying so damn hard to do the right thing and he's still hurting.

I know intellectually that there are still options on the table. All this means is that what we've done so far isn't enough.

I know I'm working with a good team and have a great support system. I'm even lucky enough to be in a place where I can throw money at this (not like I'm shelling out for lessons or shows or clinics, right?)

such class

The harsh reality of the situation keeps smacking me in the face.

Courage is 12, which is not old, but it's too young to retire. I can't in good conscience push him through what I know is a pain response. The idea of just mucking around not riding for the next decade makes me want to die inside.

Hopefully the wear and tear on his body hasn't progressed beyond where we can get him comfortable.

Hopefully we can find a way to manage it. Hopefully we have a plan. Hopefully things will stabilize and we have many years of happy adventuring yet to go.

that neck tho

That doesn't make the present easy.

Reflections on Courage

To say that Courage and I have had our ups and downs together would be rather an understatement.

When he came to me, I was broken. I was learning hard life lessons and letting go of the horse that completely changed my life.

October 2013

Courage waited for me. He was quiet and easy and simple.

Then I got stronger, and he let loose.

March 2014

We worked through hard things and focused on Courage-specific issues. Things got better. We had good rides.

October 2014

March 2015

And so it's gone in cycles with him--good times and bad times. I've said before that I thought Courage came to me for a reason, and it's fascinating to look at how we've developed. This spring, Courage was a complete disaster and pushed all my buttons again. At the time, it was maddening. Infuriating. Why couldn't the stupid horse just be easy and let me go win ribbons and look successful? Why was EVERY GODDAMNED DAY harder than the last one? WHY couldn't he just. quit. pushing.  

May 2016

But he didn't. And instead of an emphasis on satin and show success this year, life circumstances forced me to grow and push myself as a human being.

The whole experience really refocused me as a horseman. I had to consider the mental/emotional side of training and cement the zen-master-status I've been working on. No matter what, I have to be the still center of the storm. I have to not only accept what he throws at me, but calmly and proactively move towards what I want at whatever speed he can handle on that day.

Sometimes that means walking. Stopping. Getting off. Going backwards in training until we find a point we can agree on and accepting "good enough" for the day instead of pushing for more. It means letting go of what people think of us or what I want for us and just accepting what happens in a day. It means meeting Courage where he's at and rewarding what he can give me, even if it looks little and pathetic to everyone else outside us.

When I walk through the front gate at the barn, I let go of everything that's wrong with life outside it and 100% focus on Courage and what he needs and who he needs me to be.

That's what I got out of this spring.

And now again, the tables have turned. Courage has stabilized, and while other things fall apart, I realized that my little bay horse has given me a mighty gift.

That incredible zen experience--no matter what, I walk through that front gate and all my focus is on Courage. I can't always push the other things down far enough to make riding a good idea, but he meets me where I'm at and accepts who I am each day, even if it looks pathetic to everyone else. He reminds me to focus on him and he gives me his best effort without judgement.

Some days his best effort is making me laugh hysterically at his antics on the lunge, other times it's marveling at how far he's come under saddle as he offers me his new personal best of something hard we're working on.

Courage isn't just the spunky bay horse in the barn. It's a state of mind. A willingness to keep on trying when things are hard and believe against all odds that no matter what, we'll come through on the other side. Maybe not unscathed, but definitely stronger and better for the experience.

In moments like these, I realize just how much I really need Courage.

See The Change--OTTB Conformation Update

For almost a year there, I barely posted an progress pictures. Then I did one last week and now I'm like RAWR CANT STOP ME NOW, so here you go. Conformation progress, one shot per calendar year.

This is Courage on July 26, 2013. It's the night before he left the track and two weeks after his last race.

This is spring of 2014. Courage had a good chunk of the winter off and was just starting to come back into work. We were still attempting jumpers/eventing with mixed success (my code phrase "mostly failing").

Summer of 2015. Courage has been at the dressage barn about eight months and was successfully competing in training level dressage.

Summer 2016. We've putting putting in the long, slow, methodical miles in the sandbox. We're about 6 weeks from celebrating the three year anniversary of Courage coming off the racetrack.

Huh. Pretty cool to see it laid out like that.

PS I know it's not kosher to take conformation shots with wraps on but I like wraps and he's not for sale, so y'all will just have to deal. His lower legs are no more or less ugly than they were on the track.

Therapy

Life events lately have me not in the best of mindsets, which has me reflecting the whole "my horse is my therapist" gag that we've all heard one way or another.

 There's no doubt about it: time spent with my horse can be incredibly soothing.

 But it's important to remember that to be fair to my horse, I have to check all my baggage at the barn gate.

 He can't fix everything in my life. He definitely knows when things are off kilter.

 It isn't fair to him to show up and dump my shit on his pretty head.

 Instead, I need to show up, take a deep breath, and enjoy the scent of horses.

 And hugs.

 And laughs.

And know that one way or another, we'll get through all of this together.

Friday Fun Fotos

October 2013

October 2014

 Conformation a year apart. To me, he looks like a fat racehorse in 2013, but he's turning in to a fancy sporthorse in 2014. :-)

Riding Light

My apologies for the somewhat random absence this past week. I kept trying to do mobile posts and I can only conclude that the blogger mobile app is possibly the most useless thing ever created. It. Doesn't. Work.

So anyways. It was a busy week and lots of things happened, almost none of them horsey.

However, in between trips out of town, I squeezed in a photo session with Ellie. Here are a few of my favorites.

Loving that sunset light

We see you

I really can't pick a favorite

He looks like a stock horse

Always wear a helmet when riding your ottb bareback for the first time

 Not only are they beautiful shots, but I feel like they really capture where Courage and I are right now. We've been together over a year, but it's just now that we're really connecting and learning about each other. I trust him enough to hop on for a quick bareback spin and he trusts me enough to not freak out when I climb on from the fence.

 I was excited about Courage last year, wanting to see how much he could do and how soon, and feeling like some sort of failure if he wasn't doing things unexpectedly early. Now we've settled into a comfortable rhythm together and instead of pushing the limits of his ability, we're just exploring what life together looks like and having a good time.

A Family Tree for Courage

Our photographer/historian/biggest fan, Ellie, put together a sweet pedigree with pictures for my man C-rage. I'm not a bloodline nut (although I should be), but I really, really like going through it.

I don't know enough about thoroughbred research yet to say anything really definitive, but Ellie's addition of pictures is fascinating.

Blushing Groom

Courage naturally moves with a tense underline and his head up. It's not just race training because A) different race horses go different ways and B) the angle at which his head joins is neck just accommodates it. Here's Blushing Groom, from his sire line.

Look familiar? I'm seeing that extreme engagement and uphill movement with head up and ears pricked. It's like my horse in red!

yup. all those things.

I don't have a picture, but his next closest relative on the male line is Explosive bid. In her searchings, Ellie ran across a COTH thread discussing his offspring.

And I quote: "Brilliant over fences, very balanced, the older he gets the better. Requires a very firm, quiet rider, at this point could not be ridden by someone who wasn't very sure of themselves, not because he's bad but because he requires leadership. "

Huh. It's like they were writing about my horse.

Majestic Prince

Then there's Majestic Prince. He's pretty far back. We could talk about the slope of his shoulder or that strong loin connection or that nice hind end or even his well set neck and intelligent head, but why break it down like that when we can all just admit one thing:

That is one sexy-ass horse.







So is that. 

Obv

And who can forget Lord Carson? He was one of the classiest sires on the west coast until his untimely death in a tragic breeding accident.

Yeah, try explaining that one to your non-horse friends with a straight face. I can't.

Still. This isn't an action or conformation shot, but I love the way it catches his confidence and soft, intelligent eye. You might also catch a wiff of plain bay...








I'm the farthest thing from a bloodlines guru, but I love looking at where my horse came from and I absolutely believe in learning these names. I find that because Thoroughbreds require live cover, bloodlines tend to be very regional. Thus, the popular sporthorse TB sires on the east coast are pretty inaccessibly to me, but by learning about horses I know and like, I can find lines to follow. :-)

HOLD THE PRESSES COURAGE JUMPED

I know, you're all like "wtf SB, that horse jumps all the time". The answer is yes. And also no. The compelling reason that I am running this hastily-thrown together photo smorgasboard instead of the very thoughtful post I actually wrote is that Ellie is in town (for obvious reasons) and redheadlins came to the barn (for equally obvious reasons) and so I snagged a training ride for Courage and Ellie photographed it!! Alyssa did too, but I don't have those pictures back yet, so there will be more later. Just added them too!!


Anywhoodle.

Commence epic photo smorgasm.

Really loving the new bit on him. Contact, what what?!

Check out that uphill canter!

Lil warm up vertical. 

Oxer!!! Love both their expressions.

Air time

And from Alyssa:

Jumping across!

So grown up

Confident and respectful

We measured the oxer after their session and it's full on novice height, 2'11". That's the biggest jump he's ever done under saddle and he took it like a champ. No deer leaping, no nervousness. (thanks to redheadlins for the fantastic ride, too!)

It's days like these that make me feel good about my approach with the little guy. Yeah, I'm going slow and taking my time. I know so many people would probably get it done quicker, since he's obviously talented enough. You know what? He attacked this jump with total confidence. He believes in himself and he knows what he's doing.

That's worth waiting for.

Weekend Fun: Meet the New Guy

Courage says "HELLOOOO TRACK HORSE"

Those of you who follow me on instagram or facebook have probably noticed a new face started popping up last week. I mean, I always have random cute racehorses, but one was cuter than the others and then he was meeting Courage and going under saddle...

Yep. Dapple bay and all.

A couple of you have asked about him. I mean, it's hard not to. His face is ridiculously adorable and he's built like a champ.

Ladies and gentlemen, meet Prisoner, pedigree here.

He's a Kentucky-bred 2007 model TB who we put the OT on last Saturday. He's something less than a stunning success on the track, netting just over $4,000 in four years of racing.

Yes, you read that right.

Looking cute on the back side

As I rule, I stay away from horses for sale on the backside because I want (almost) all of them, but this guy is special. I had my eye on him, and when his trainer said he was available, I immediately started taking crappy pictures of him and sending them to my good friend Ellie. I really can't be doing two boarded horses and a car payment, but this guy needed a soft landing with lots of love and Ellie needed something sweet and fun and pretty.










Because she is brave (and knows us really well), Ellie agreed to buy him even though she'd only ever glimpsed his adorable white nose over the stall for like ten seconds one time this summer.

Prisoner (working on the new name, ok?) moved in to Courage's barn for the next month to get nicely restarted. I think he's looking at much the same schedule Courage had--light riding through the fall, winter off, and then getting going for real next spring.

First ride off the track. HE'S SO FANCY I COULD DIE.

In the mean time, yours truly gets to play with him and take pictures of his cute little face. Redheadlins is doing the heavy lifting in terms of training, but Alyssa and I can do useful things too and of course Ellie will join us as much as her schedule allows.

He's aimed for a dressage/trails/open shows/all around type career and yes, Ellie assures me she will blog about him. Plus she is a kick ass photographer, so expect to be inundated with pro-quality pictures instead of my usual camera-phone business.

ERMEGERD KISS HIS NOSE ALREADY

If I had room in the budget for two, I'd never let this little guy slip away. He and Ellie are going to have so much fun together. I'm glad I got to be a part of his rehoming team and I look forward to their continued adventures together!

And yes, you can always count on me for Prisoner updates. This is my first time helping out with a resale, and he sort of feels like my little god pony already.