How to Get a Zoëbird of Your Very Own

(Spoiler Alert: You can't. I have the only one.)

SMOOSH

For realsies though if you read about ZB all the time and you're like "well damn I want a [horse] who is fun every day and who meshes with my personality real well. How do I get what SB has?"

Then this is your guide. (Again. Remember. Original ZB is off the table so it's sloppy seconds for you.) (PS I just pictured ZB on a table and it was really funny. SMOOSH CRASH.)

by courage has opinions

1) Be realistic about your abilities + budget + goals. 

I cannot stress this enough. If you want to run advanced eventing, do you have the mental and physical fitness, expendable income, and flexible schedule to allow it? And if the answer to those questions is "yeah maybe not", then what do you want? In the next 1-5 years. Realistically.

See, I kept picking up whatever just fell into my lap, which in my price range tended to be the the OTTB or OTTB cross. Which like. That can go well. But it can also go poorly. Right now, I'm chasing some non-horse goals that are important to me. I want to pursue dressage but I also want to straight up have fun and I need a horse that doesn't have to be ridden every day.

Rather than looking for that diamond-in-the-rough calm, straightforward OTTB, it was time to set parameters that matched my goals.

2) RUTHLESSLY EXCLUDE.

This is such a simple principle but DAMN it changes the way you look at things. See, I had a very specific list of what I wanted.

Then I didn't look at anything that was excluded by the list. Period end of story.

 i mean can you even with that face

Obviously, the list has to be realistic. I'm boarding with a trainer who is FANTASTIC with young horses, so I was willing to take on something pretty green and therefore spend my money on better quality for my price range.

Instead of looking at everything with a pulse, I screened out the horses that were not what I want so that what I ended up with was exactly what I wanted.

It's so simple.

3) Source through people who understand what you want. 

There are so many different types of horses and jobs for them and people tend to pick one focus and craft their skills and horses around that. That's why you buy event horses from eventers. That is a good thing. Let it work for you. I talked to people who were doing what I wanted to do and asked them to work their sources.

ride roxiecorn bareback through the fields?
sign. me. up.

Roxie's mom ultimately found ZB for me, but Leah ran down a promising candidate and the other front runner was sourced by a local lady who consistently produces calm, correct, fun horses. I definitely made some fun connections along the way.

Again, it's just so much easier to find what you're looking for when you're talking to people who speak the same language. "Kid safe" means different things to a rough stock operator and an ammy dressage lady.

You can't have ZB. You can use the process I used and find your own version.

Life's too short for horses you don't love.

Found: Strong Black Female Protagonist

When I found out that THE ONE Roxie's Mom had found for me to check out was a solid black mare, I preemptively named her Zoe Washburne.

Because I need a Zoe. Calm under pressure, ready for an adventure, and 1000% reliable.

Armed with two pictures and a phone number, I called a stranger out of the blue about the horse he hadn't even listed for sale.

I found a horseman on the other end of the line, someone who loved his horse very much and was in a similar position that I was with Courage--not the horse for him any more, but he still loved her and he wasn't going to let her go anywhere less than the perfect place.

We talked. I tried to ask intelligent questions and not sound like a complete bumbling idiot (and not ask questions like "what size browband" and "do you think she likes sparkles" which were the only things coming into my head). I managed to not scare him off too badly apparently, because he agreed to email me more information.

Emails were exchanged. I knew the owners would want updates, so I sent my blog information along, only to find out that they'd already googled me and found it... which like... apparently I don't sound like a total idiot (or at least not too much of one), so that's promising. We set up a time for me to meet Ms. Zoe (whom they called Bird), annnnnnd I was off on a whirlwind weekend trip.

I brought a friend with me because I needed objective eyes on the ground. Plus pictures. Always pictures.

I pretty much stepped out of my car and went "omg i love her let's put her in the back seat she's perfect".

And then I was reminded that this was as much her owners interviewing me as it was me meeting Ms. Zoebird.

Lil Ms. Zoebird impressed me very much. I knew going in that she was a four year old Percheron x AQHA/APHA that was bred to be a ranch horse, I knew she had six months of driving training, and I knew she wasn't started under saddle. I didn't know that she moved NICE or that she was a hard little worker with a lot of try and a can-do attitude.

Shoutout to R & J if they are reading--what I promised my friend would be an hour of looking at a horse, then going to the lake turned into a multi-hour adventure with some fascinating new friends. Conversation ranged from breeding to corrective shoeing and even touched on beagles and dog training. I value knowing a horse's history and handling and I'm thrilled that Ms. Zoebird is coming from people like this.

We never did make it to the lake, but armed with pictures and video, we trooped home. The whole trip home was basically me being like "omg i want her she's so pretty and sweet and perfect" and my friend being like "yeah".

Trainer and vet signed off. Shipping arrangements made.

Bloglandia, meet my Zoebird. She arrives this week!!

Details Coming Soon!!

I believe in the almighty power of jinxes. Look for an update Monday!!

Ruthlessly Exclude, Part The Second

True fact: I have never horse shopped before in my life. I have saddle shopped (hate, 0/10 do not recommend) and I was told horse shopping is worse.

Go horse shopping they said

However, when you're done with a relationship, basically anything not-that-relationship sounds like a good idea.

(This is why Roxie's mom was like WRITE A LIST NO TALKEE TIL LIST IS DONE because yeah. Objectivity, thy name is not SB.)

I also had a couple of goals:

1) Do not buy the first thing you fall in love with.

Ok make that one goal.

The first thing I looked at, I fell for HARD. WANT SO BAD. But it was not on the list. And remember, ruthlessly exclude. And not the first thing.

Then I looked at a bunch of other things.

one of each plz

I assure you, I was eminently rational about this entire process and did not one time stay up late into the night on the internet, debating putting down a deposit on a wildly inappropriate horse that I SUPER WANTED BECAUSE OMG I LOFF IT BACK OFF.

Well okay that happened several times too.

Anyways. I knew I needed a pretty specific horse, I knew said horse was probably going to be a word of mouth placement vs a random internet ad, and I knew that I could not be trusted to go look at the horse by myself.

skepticollie

As such, while I definitely fell (hard) down some internet rabbit holes (that were SO KYOOT) and spent waaaaaaaay too much time joining random facebook groups and obsessively reading ads. my search was actually focused.

I guess I had a second goal too:

2) I must be able to meet future poneh in person.

I chased down local contacts. Roxie's mom and Leah worked their connections. I planned a couple tentative viewing trips, then canceled them when things didn't shake out.

And then it happened! Roxie's mom was like I HAVE FOUND THE ONE and I was of course already in love because #emotionallyunstable is basically my life right now. But THE ONE checked all the boxes, even as verified by the trusted circle that knew what was on THE LIST and THE ONE was not ruthlessly excluded.

So I picked a show name and planned a road trip with a trusted friend...

catch a ride on the pandicorn express

Ruthlessly Exclude: The Journey

Emma wrote a post about why we do what we do. It's good. You should read it.

It's a topic I have put a lot of thought into lately for pretty obvious reasons. See, left to my own devices, I consistently pick horses like this:

hot, short coupled, fancy

hot, short coupled, fancy

See also: short coupled, scopey, hot Hot HOT, difficult.

They're talented horses. Athletic horses. Hell, if I could ride them, they'd go a long ways.

Yeah.

If.

mmhmm

Here's the thing: I grew up a barn rat and rode anything anyone would let me. I've worked for three different trainers. Subconsciously, I think of myself as that sort of ride-anything-go-anywhere sort of rider.

But like.

I'm not anymore. I'm not as young as I was. I have a lot of mental and physical baggage. I work a full time office job. I'm a one horse ammy and I need to start thinking like one.

moar naps

Admitting that is just the first step.

The scary part is what comes after. Because if I admit yeah, I'm not god's gift to riding and no, I'm not going Grand Prix (nor do I actually want to), then the next step is like. What do I want to do? Why am I here in the first place? What is it about the whole "horse thing" that keeps me coming back for more?

There's not a wrong answer.

such attractive

Here are some of my personal answers:

1) Horses are my outlet. The barn is my place to go where the real world isn't a thing anymore.

That means I need it to be a place I can relax and have fun, not a place where I'm struggling and pushing myself.

And that means I need a horse that's just as happy to toodle as I am.

2) Horses are also my way of understanding the world and being the best self I can be.

That means I need to have goals I can work towards. Not impossible, imaginary, pie-in-the-sky "dreams", but real life goals.

Which means I need a horse that shows up to work and wants to do the job I have in mind.

3) Horses are my addiction. I can't change my addictive personality, but I can channel it in productive ways instead of letting it destroy me.

That means that I need a horse that I want to spend time thinking about. One that's pretty to look at or fun to be around.

Which means the horse isn't a tool or a means to an end. The horse is a personality unto itself that makes my life more worthwhile.

this. this was good.

When I put those things together, the horse I see meeting those needs in my life isn't the short-coupled, hotter-than-shit, upper-level-prospect. I've certainly learned a lot from my horses--some hard lessons, some fun lessons, a lot of growing up lessons.

And those things are all (mostly) good.

The phase of my life where I worked for trainers and rode everything in front of me is over. Permanently. I love my ammy life and I love saying no to riding the stupid horses and I love having one horse I can bond with and obsess over and dress impeccably. I like going to local shows. I like riding in clinics. I like trail rides and photo shoots and zany adventures and random open shows.

I said I wouldn't horse shop until later this summer/fall. Definitely not until things with C are settled. I don't like having two horses.

But on the advice of Roxie's mom, I put together a list of must-haves for Horsie #4. Ruthlessly exclude, she said. And she has a Roxiecorn. So she knows. "Ruthlessly exclude" means setting realistic parameters for #4 and committing them to writing, then immediately ruling out all candidates that do not meet the parameters.

pictured: roxiecorn in action

So of course, I'm casually poking around. WHICH IS TOTALLY NOT HORSE SHOPPING.

"Ruthlessly exclude" has taken me down a very different path then I've ever been before. It has involved falling down some very interesting (and adorable) rabbit holes. It's simplified the process by removing that which shouldn't have been there in the first place. It's pushing me to find new solutions.

My situation is not settled (though there are potentially exciting things on the horizon), but giving myself permission to ruthlessly exclude has had the interesting side effect of letting me see the possibilities of the future. It isn't what I ever thought I would want, but the closer it gets to reality, the more right it feels.

The future is exciting, guys.

Stay posted.

Well This Sucks

We've been not talking about Courage for a long time now, so let's talk about him.

First things first--it's been a process, but I think we've hammered out the maintenance that will work for him and he's sound in work and ready to go. Vet doesn't foresee any limitations in terms of dressage/trails/whatever on the flat. Trainer is putting rides on him and says he feels really good.

(Btw for those of you keeping track--while Alli definitely got the prize for best comment on my last post, the neck twist was a chiropractic issue that has been handled. Quite simple.)

But.

Courage is an all-or-nothing sort of horse.

And while for a long time I've been able to appreciate that or laugh it off or make memes about it, now is not that time. I'm wading through a lot of personal shit and there isn't an end in sight and I can't make it stop.

But it means I can't bring my A-game to Courage.

And that doesn't work for him.

Right now, I need horses to be simple and fun. I need them to bring me joy, not force me to wrack my brain and push myself constantly.

Courage isn't a bad horse. He's a really cool guy in a lot of ways. He never quits trying. He's smart, he learns fast, he works hard. He's gorgeous and photogenic and good to have around.

Believe you me, I wish I could keep making this work. I adore him and he's done a lot for me and I wish there was some way I could keep trying.

It's taking all I've got to deal with life shit and there's nothing left over to deal with Courage.

That's not his fault. It's not my fault. It just is.

Of course, there's this whole giant blog about him and I've been quite public about our struggles, which probably won't help the re-homing process. I don't believe in back editing/deleting that stuff though, so it is what it is. I haven't posted ads at this point because he's a particular kind of horse and he needs a particular kind of person.

So if you or someone you know wants a gorgeous, fabulous horse with some quirks, talk to me. Obviously, there will be full disclosure of all vet records etc. Nobody needs surprises.

I'm not quitting horses and there will be another eventually, but my #1 priority is finding Courage the right place.

And once more, his stupid name is strangely relevant.

Courage

Premonition Rumination

We're still not talking about Courage, so let's talk about not-Courage. 

One of my goals for this year is to ride other horses. Initially that goal was because Courage and I weren't getting along and I needed perspective. Now Courage and I are getting on just fine.

But.

While I'm not giving up on Courage, it's time to start thinking about what the future looks like.

I once had a friend tell me that the best way to do that was to pick a custom breeding and buy the baby in utero and then let it grow up while riding my current horse.

She's right.

BUT.

You have to know what the hell you want out of horses for that to be a super good plan.

And I don't.

I'm doing dressage right now because my horse can't jump. I like dressage well enough, but I'm not married to it as a sport, so I don't really need a "dressage horse". I'd like to do a recognized event above beginner novice at some point in my life, but realistically, I don't have the guts to go past training, which means I don't need a purpose-bred event horse. I like show jumping and I'd probably be fine with hunters, but I don't have the $$$$$$ for the A circuit and our local scene isn't enough to make a super hot, scopey horse make a lot of sense. Plus I like other things like trail riding and toodling and goofing off and playing dress up and randomly going to open shows.

And then there are practical considerations.

d'awww

The adorable painty mare I rode was an absolute love and she would toodle and trail ride and dress up with the best of them, but her sporthorse-competitiveness tops out a bit below where I'd want to be. Possibly she'd be more competitive in the western world, but I know nothing about that and don't have a burning urge to find out.

fanceh!

The friesian cross mare I rode was wicked cool, but I know a lot about what went into making her that way and I don't think I'm the person who could have done it. She is absolutely an amazing horse and I respect that, but I know myself as a horseman too well to think I could replicate her.

goofy the baby

The warmblood gelding was a super nice guy, and again, I'm flattered that I was able to snag a ride on him. But. Again. The brain match for me was not good. I don't always mesh well with warmblood types and that is not a knock on them, just a realistic thing about me.

western pony!

And I mean. I love Courage. And I have ridden a lot of thoroughbreds. And yeah, I get along well with them. But. I am ready to do something different. I would like a horse that gets tired eventually. I am too old and amateur-like at this point to really think starting over with a track horse sounds like a fun idea and you couldn't give me a thoroughbred that didn't learn a work ethic on the track. No thank you.

I noticed when I was hanging out with Roxie's mom that I said I hated a lot of things.

Like Arabians. Except I don't actually hate arabians--I just am not interested in mindlessly reactive, hot, tiny horses. Obviously, there are nice arabians. I even know a perfect one. But. The perfect ones are not for sale. And they're still tiny.

I also have a reputation for hating draft horses. Which is only sort of true. What I mean is that I don't do well with mindlessly non-reactive giant ogres that don't give a shit about me. Which is not all draft horses. But they do have that reputation for a reason.

And then we can look at horses that I have ridden this year and absolutely adored:

HAMPERSAND

ROXIECORN

There's one thing these horses have in common: their amazing owners have put YEARS OF WORK into making them the cool horses they are today.

Oh and the other thing is that the raw material they started with suited their personalities really well.

And the third thing is that they didn't pay through the nose for them.

And the fourth thing is that they're actually both draft crosses, albeit of very different stripes.

ON NOM NOM

Oh and then Roxie's mom said something about Cleveland Bays and that made my little horse nerd brain go DING DING DING because I have known some of those and they are cool horses and she knows a breeder.

So that little wheel is turning in the back of my brain too.

I don't know how serious I am about looking. A lot of it depends on that one thing we're not talking about.

it's pretty tho

Talk to me, adult ammies. How did you end up with the horses you have?

Teach Me Tuesday: Why This One?

Whether you horse shopped with a knowledgeable trainer or a pony just fell into your lap, you have a horse. But why do you have that SPECIFIC horse? Do you ever wonder that?

photo by Alyssa

I do. 

I'm the last one to judge someone for selling a horse that isn't a fit for them, but I also acknowledge that what a "fit" is varies from person to person. Let's face it: if I wanted to be a competitive eventer or jumper, Courage would not be a fit for me. If I want to reach the top levels of dressage, he's a total mismatch. If I want a horse I can trail ride bareback in a halter, he is definitely not that. 

So on paper, Courage maybe isn't the best fit. 

But there's more to life than paper, competitions, and lazy trail rides. Courage is a horse that landed in my lap at the perfect time. He's the horse I've been to hell and back with. He's the horse who makes me heart go pitter pat when he looks over the stall door at me. 

plus pink

Yeah, he's not easy and there are days I could just shoot him, but I thrive on a challenge and he thrives on challenging me. His vices don't scare me and his good moments make me happy. I enjoy chasing my dressage goals on him, but if I never make it to the upper echelons of the sport, I'm not concerned. I have nothing to prove to anyone and I enjoy this horse right now. 

So why do you have your horse? 

When to Sell

the wrong horse

Denny Emerson has been going on lately about the right horse and what it is and how to know. I think that is a fantastic conversation to start. I mean, when a blogger is debating the merits of their current horse, I am frequently the jackass who jumps right in and tells them to sell the horse.

As I've chronicled ad nauseam, I went through this situation with a horse  I owned when I first got back into riding as an adult. It was a dismal experience and it almost made me quit riding. But here's the thing: just because you have doubts about your horse doesn't mean you should sell. Look at it this way instead:

1) Do you look forward to riding YOUR HORSE each day?
2) Does seeing YOUR HORSE's face over the gate make your heart go pitter pat?
3) Are you happy and confident while riding YOUR HORSE?
4) Are you safe (both in your own estimation and that of relevant pros)?
5) Is your horse physically/mentally/emotionally capable of pursuing your realistic goals?
5b) If not, are you willing to change your goals to suit your horse?

If you answered yes to all of these questions, keep your horse. There is literally no reason to sell it. But wait! Go through this next set of questions too.

6) Has your horse put you in the ER/hospital?
7) More than once?
8) Do you sometimes think it would be ok if your horse had a tragic pasture accident?
9) Does the idea of doing your chosen sport with your horse make you nervous/upset/worried?
10) Do you keep your horse because you're afraid it might end up as hamburgers if you sell?
11) Have relevant professionals expressed apprehension about your ability to flourish in this partnership?

If you answered yes to questions 6-11, SELL THE HORSE NOW. Do not pass go, do not collect $200.

what dreams are made of

I know that when I first joined the ranks of re-riding adults, I had illusions of forever homes and rainbows and glitter and all, but the horse I started the journey with was wrong for me in every way and there was no one to stand there and say "WHOA. Not. Ok."

It took a long process (and hospital visits) and a lot of money wasted and finally meeting the horse of my dreams to convince me to let go.

But it didn't have to be that hard. I wasn't safe. I was scared and miserable, but I didn't have the framework to understand that because for 3 years, the only horse I rode was that one horrible mare.

All partnerships have rough patches and many of those rough patches are worth seeing through. BUT. As adult ammies, we aren't in this to save the world or go to Rolex or whatever. We're here to have fun.

So if you find yourself on the fence about whether or not your partnership is working out, here's the #1 thing I recommend: (IMPORTANT)

1) Put a timeline on it.

Last fall, Courage and I hit a seriously rough patch. I wasn't having fun. He wasn't improving. Things were getting out of hand. I wasn't unsafe, but the rides were sapping my enjoyment of horses.

So I told Courage and several friends I trusted to hold me accountable that if I wasn't having fun by March of 2015, I would sell him and find something more suitable.

That doesn't mean I gave up on him--I did pro rides and lessons and changed barns and trainers and did some time off and explored every relevant avenue because I wanted to make things work.

fav

By the time March rolled around this year, Courage and I had reached a new agreement and we are progressing happily. He's staying, but I don't regret what I said in the fall.

There will be rough patches, but they have to stay patches. If they sprawl out and seep into our perceptions of "normal" life, we very quickly find ourselves with the wrong horse in the wrong place at the wrong time. And that makes no one happy.

And if no one's happy, you have the wrong horse.