The Moment

I was the little kid with the dream truck. 

The little poor kid who drove a car as old as she was and thought that dreams were for other people. 

best

When Roxie's mom announced "your picker is broken" (and unintentionally foreshadowed me blowing up my entire life), I showed up for myself and bought my absolute dream horse, the ZB we all know and love today. 

Then as life stabilized, I traded in the practical car.

I'll never forget the transcendence of the moment I drove my truck off the lot at the dealership--decades after a dream was born to a little girl who didn't think she'd live past 25, here I was. Doing the damn thing. 

this

Y'all lived through the last 5ish years with me so you know what happened to prices and interest rates. There were life things and work things and I debated if all this was what I really wanted and was "the dream" still "my dream" and was it worthwhile (was I worthwhile?). I set aside a chunk of money for a trailer to complete my rig, then waffled and told my partner we'd probably just take a nice vacation with it. 

He told me I ought to follow the dream I'd had since I was that little horse crazy kid. That mattered more. 

I mattered more.

found what i was looking for

I've been low key following the trailer market locally and had pretty well decided that I would wait until the end of the year and then likely end up financing something once my truck was paid off because that little girl who grew up with nothing is real risk-adverse financially.

Plus, the best thing I learned from Roxie's mom (after "this is fun you ninny, ride my roxiecorn and find out") was to ruthlessly exclude. I had a pretty specific list of what I wanted:

• Two horse bumper pull (dream truck isn't huge)
• Tack room not part of horse compartment (i just can't with the half wall thing)
  
• ZB must be able to turn around to unload (she HATES backing off trailers)
• No ramp (ramps freak me out. ZB DGAF)
• Large enough to accommodate a 16h+ Draft X 
• Structurally solid/ready to go

I saw a couple things that I followed up on but they sold before I got answers or just weren't quite right. I had to get new tires for my truck so I shelled out $$$ on the upgraded tires because as I confidently told the clerk "I'm going to start hauling a trailer a bunch soon". I didn't feel confident that was true but I felt kind of ridiculous spending that much money on tires for a truck that I mostly admire in my driveway. 

And then.

My local friend sent me an add. It hit all my must haves and was actually slightly under budget. I messaged the seller and she responded right away. I checked out our mutuals and decided I probably would not get scammed or murdered. (Then I decided I might so I made arrangements for said partner to go with me to see it yesterday afternoon.) 

And that's how on a sunny January afternoon, I pulled my dream truck into a stranger's driveway and left with my dream trailer and a new friend to go trail riding with.

y'all

Much like the truck--it isn't the newest, shiniest, or most expensive option. It's the thing I've always wanted, the thing that fits me and my life. 

the whole set up

I just. 

Y'all. 

It's hard to put into words what it's like when all those dreams and plans converge. When present day SB is little kid SB. 

I want to reach back in time and tell her it's going to happen. 

To let the version of myself who said "if I knew how hard life would be, I wouldn't have kept going" know that she's wrong. 

There's hope.

It does get better. 

It's not the money and the material things. It's watching as the dreams you've had from a very little kid, galloping your (imaginary) cute black mare down a (real) snowy road become your real and actual life. 

And realizing that all along, you were worth it. 

happy trails