The Moment

I was the little kid with the dream truck. 

The little poor kid who drove a car as old as she was and thought that dreams were for other people. 

best

When Roxie's mom announced "your picker is broken" (and unintentionally foreshadowed me blowing up my entire life), I showed up for myself and bought my absolute dream horse, the ZB we all know and love today. 

Then as life stabilized, I traded in the practical car.

I'll never forget the transcendence of the moment I drove my truck off the lot at the dealership--decades after a dream was born to a little girl who didn't think she'd live past 25, here I was. Doing the damn thing. 

this

Y'all lived through the last 5ish years with me so you know what happened to prices and interest rates. There were life things and work things and I debated if all this was what I really wanted and was "the dream" still "my dream" and was it worthwhile (was I worthwhile?). I set aside a chunk of money for a trailer to complete my rig, then waffled and told my partner we'd probably just take a nice vacation with it. 

He told me I ought to follow the dream I'd had since I was that little horse crazy kid. That mattered more. 

I mattered more.

found what i was looking for

I've been low key following the trailer market locally and had pretty well decided that I would wait until the end of the year and then likely end up financing something once my truck was paid off because that little girl who grew up with nothing is real risk-adverse financially.

Plus, the best thing I learned from Roxie's mom (after "this is fun you ninny, ride my roxiecorn and find out") was to ruthlessly exclude. I had a pretty specific list of what I wanted:

• Two horse bumper pull (dream truck isn't huge)
• Tack room not part of horse compartment (i just can't with the half wall thing)
  
• ZB must be able to turn around to unload (she HATES backing off trailers)
• No ramp (ramps freak me out. ZB DGAF)
• Large enough to accommodate a 16h+ Draft X 
• Structurally solid/ready to go

I saw a couple things that I followed up on but they sold before I got answers or just weren't quite right. I had to get new tires for my truck so I shelled out $$$ on the upgraded tires because as I confidently told the clerk "I'm going to start hauling a trailer a bunch soon". I didn't feel confident that was true but I felt kind of ridiculous spending that much money on tires for a truck that I mostly admire in my driveway. 

And then.

My local friend sent me an add. It hit all my must haves and was actually slightly under budget. I messaged the seller and she responded right away. I checked out our mutuals and decided I probably would not get scammed or murdered. (Then I decided I might so I made arrangements for said partner to go with me to see it yesterday afternoon.) 

And that's how on a sunny January afternoon, I pulled my dream truck into a stranger's driveway and left with my dream trailer and a new friend to go trail riding with.

y'all

Much like the truck--it isn't the newest, shiniest, or most expensive option. It's the thing I've always wanted, the thing that fits me and my life. 

the whole set up

I just. 

Y'all. 

It's hard to put into words what it's like when all those dreams and plans converge. When present day SB is little kid SB. 

I want to reach back in time and tell her it's going to happen. 

To let the version of myself who said "if I knew how hard life would be, I wouldn't have kept going" know that she's wrong. 

There's hope.

It does get better. 

It's not the money and the material things. It's watching as the dreams you've had from a very little kid, galloping your (imaginary) cute black mare down a (real) snowy road become your real and actual life. 

And realizing that all along, you were worth it. 

happy trails

A Study in Canter

Jumping back into some low key lessons has re-ignited a passion for learning an improving with my horse that I haven't felt in a LONG time. I've taken lessons here and there over the past few years, but horse stuff has been back burnered for me for a bit. I scaled spending way back, focused on some other passions closer to home, and have been comfortable knowing that I could hop on and toodle around at any time.

and yes i rode her bareback after this

My basic philosophy of training is that I need to be calm, clear, and kind. I'm asking Zoe to do all the same things she used to do in dressage, but now I want her to do it in self carriage on a loose rein. I want her to be in a level balance, soft to me, and for her to allow me to ride her forward in that balance. 
 

ok but these reins amiright

We use lots of transitions and very clear rewards. If she does something right, it's a release and relax reward. I don't drill. I try not to ride in the arena two days in a row. I'm still only riding 3-4 days a week. I've made huge strides forward in the walk/trot area but we've been struggling with the canter. 

this day was SO COLD OMG

It's a two part issue--one, ZB is a natural trotting horse. Her canter is less organized and requires more strength to give me the same level of work I get in the trot.

Two--me. I don't think I've actually ever had a horse that would let me sit in the saddle and ride the canter. There's lots of half seat in my past with a HEALTHY dose of TB/OTTB type horses to whom cantering was the more natural gait, which means I've never really had to train it. 

I can do a lot with a balanced canter but I was kind of lost on how to create said canter if I didn't already have it. 

benefits of blogging infrequently means more riding pictures to choose from

So how do I train a balanced, soft canter on a horse it isn't instinctive to when my riding is one of the biggest obstacles we face?

this horse is so insanely gorgeous

Very mindfully.

I started using the round pen on the property. Every time I was at the barn, I'd take her in there loose and ask her to do a couple of canter transitions each way. I didn't drill it--it was a-ok if she picked up the canter for a stride or two and dropped back down. I just wanted her doing the motion and building the muscle memory. The whole "session" was about 60 seconds or less and typically included rolling in the sand as well. 

it's lovely sand

Her muscle memory wasn't the only one I needed to retrain. I was/am dealing with two things:

1) my lack of muscle memory related to sitting the canter with my seat in the saddle being neutral

2) my bad muscle memory of grabbing like a deranged monkey when my horse feels off balance

I'm working on my own and if thinking really loudly "stop sucking at riding the canter" was an effective strategy, I would have fixed this ages ago. 

Instead, I used the round pen. I'd saddle up, take her in there, and get on with just the halter. This was such a mental thing for me--the round pen took away the deep and irrational fear of her bolting into the next county and the halter gave me an E-brake without me fussing with her face.

Same strategy--do 2 transitions each way, then hop off and go do something else.

don't have a halter picture so here's the current 'fit

Here and there, I started trying to incorporate the transitions into longer rides, but my gut reaction to her sort of "lurch" into the canter was to grab her and then neither of us was having a good time. 

But then.

I having a nice ride the other day in the arena and for a moment, I felt so soft and connected, like I could have rolled up into the soft, balanced canter I wanted right there. I didn't, but the feeling was right.

The next time I rode, my friend happened to be out and I asked her for some quick media.

Y'all. 

just literal heart eyes

It's coming. She was soft and connected and balanced and let me ride her forward. 

This is so much fun.

A Wee Update

The main reason I moved Zoe from our old barn to the new one was for trail access. I realized I just didn't want to do any sort of arena discipline and while I did buy a truck (barely) before the Covid price/interest rate insanity, I did not have a trailer. Getting one when people were charging 8-10k for a 1980s 2 horse is just not a real thing. 

so gorgeous

So I moved to a barn with trail access. 

But. 

(and I knew this) 

To get to the trails, you have to hack beside a busy road with giant farm vehicles blasting past at high rates of speed. Which I did. And I'll be honest, that is a DEEP fear of mine so didn't love it. Also I sort of conveniently forgot how it's easy to ride at home and it's easy to load ZB and haul somewhere to ride but if you ride a horse that defaults to a little bit buddy sour, it isn't always the funnest time you'll have. Especially not next to a busy road. Especially not if you are also mid panic attack due to your own issues with traffic. 

Full disclosure: it's not a "busy" road like with traffic and lights and shit. It is a local access road in farm country with a high speed limit. 

10 years ago sprinklerbandit hops on her horse and motors off and rides through it. Today sprinklerbandit is like "nah bro". 

After a somewhat electric experience at the beginning of the year, I made some changes. 

1) I put ZB on a gut supplement to see if that was an issue. Her barn also has everyone on a slow feeder so she has food in front of her as long as possible every day.

she was a fan of extra snax

After 8 months of it and then running out and not restocking, my conclusion is "eh not really no".

2) I made it a point to be more consistent and a stronger leader for my horse from the saddle. This meant starting to ask her to do harder things and provide guidance so she didn't think she had to figure it out and take charge.

do love a trotting picture

3) This wasn't really part of the solution but it was part of the process so I'm including it. 

Our new barn is really good with maintenance/drainage/cleanliness, which is AWESOME. That said, part of the their structure is that the areas outside of the area/runs is a pretty stiff road mix and Zoe was struggling with getting very footsore on the rocks, which meant I couldn't really do much. I don't like to play "is it training or do her feet hurt" all that often so we waited out a couple cycles and then I remembered how horses wear shoes and it's fucking normal. 

pictured: horse who DGAF about shoes

The relief was immediate. Turns out I hadn't trained my horse to have the most perfect western jog--actually her feet hurt more than I thought so I'm really glad we resolved that. 

4) LESSONS

Ha ha.

I haven't had a lesson since last time I blogged about it... so that was a really long time ago. A horse friend from ages ago lives just down the road from the barn and she reached out about doing group lessons at her place. 

the best black draft crosses in the land!

I made the executive decision to handwalk ZB over to her place, gave myself plenty of time to lunge, and ZB never really settled down. 

This was actually great because the tension I get taking her away from home is completely opposite from the horse I ride at home. She's not naughty--she doesn't really spook, she keeps all her feet on the floor--but she's super super reactive and screaming and it's not great to deal with if you're in the fetal position. 

Cough. 

Which I was. (thankfully no pictures of this)

HEART EYES

You could also feel Zoe say FINALLY when I was coached into sitting up, riding from my leg, and settling her vs just sort of letting everything crash and burn. 

It's definitely a different ride--Zoe tends to not be reactive so I'm usually sensitizing her by only using leg when I mean LEG NOW but obviously for a reactive horse, it's a lot more leg on and desensitizing. It's all stuff I've done before but not on her and not in the last 7 years so this has been absolutely clutch.

 

um hello also she is just pretty

That's where it's at--we've had a couple lessons, there's more on the schedule. We're enjoying life together. I absolutely love the quiet barn we're at--I can just show up and enjoy my horse and if I want to push myself, cool. My goal is just to get more comfortable handling her in stressful situations so that I'm able to feel safe and have fun. 

Is there a trailer on my horizon? 

Maybe. 

Let's not jinx it. 

Up in Smoke

It's kind of hard to write a lot when my only goals with my horse are "have fun every day" and "enjoy what a special lady she is" because I guess it just sounds like bragging? And sort of a weird overshare where it's like "I've legitimately never had a bad ride on this horse/she always gives me 100%/she literally whinnies to me when I show up" where you're just like STFU already gross. 

did i buy a stunning mohair breastcollar and matching headstall
obviously yes

It's great though, so there's that. 

We are still working on things. The barn we're at has access into thousands of acres of public land and to get there, we have to ride past a couple pastures with horses in them (much snort! very gallop!) next to a road that isn't "busy" but does have large vehicles going fast periodically (and I'm terrified of traffic). We did it with a friend earlier this year and while zb is 100% unconcerned with traffic and only mildly interested in the gallop-y horses, it HIGHLIGHTED how I've just been passenger princess-ing around on my lovely horse and not really riding, if that makes sense.

look how cute with her new bestie tho

Like I never take charge bc we're just toodling around but then when I needed to provide some leadership, I was not prepared.

The time to work through those things is not on a 15' wide strip of road next to a semi hitting the jake brake while your friends gallop and snort. 

And also. As a seasoned adult ammy, my interest in just flooding both of us like that is near zero. Actually lower than zero. Hard pass.

This year then, I've been attacking all of it in bite size pieces. 

hi it's smokey here

First: ZB lived at the same barn with the same friends for 6 years and then made a big move. She looked/acted FINE but let's be smart about stomach issues. Put her on a loading dose of Gut-X.

looking good

Second: my total inability to brain while traffic was 90% of the issue. I don't want or expect to be ok with traffic but I need to not completely melt down so I can provide my horse leadership. Spent the rest of the spring/early summer hand grazing next to the road and letting myself breathe and my heartrate slow while my horse continued to DGAF about anything but noms. 

pardon the spring fuzzies

Third: in order to provide leadership at critical moments, I need to build trust with my horse. She needs to know that I'm taking care of us and I need to know that her response isn't going to put us in harm's way. The thing with having a horse who's like ZB is that there's not a lot of reason to push these issues and then you're under stress like "oh damn there's a huge fucking training hole here that's completely my fault". 

never gonna give this up

That's what we've been attacking this year.

And when I say attacking, I mean using the following principles:

1) I need to be a person my horse wants to hang out with. Not every day is a training day. Some days are feed my horse a treat days. All days clear headed. If I'm not in a place to provide calm, collected leadership, I DON'T. That means I don't ride or we toodle bareback or we just walk around and look at the sunset. I spend time grooming/hanging out and bonding and understand that is fully as important as time spent in the saddle for both of us. 

we are always playing legos

2) Good boundaries start on the ground. I'm big on this regardless but from standing when I'm working on her to doing some basic yielding before I get on, it's important that we are aware of each other in space and I am providing direction. 

also her first set of fly boots

3) I need to be actively engaged in decision making on board. That doesn't mean bullying my horse or mindlessly drilling but it does mean having a plan, providing direction, evaluating responses, and constantly staying in the moment with my horse. 

i remembered i have a pivo the other day

I've picked a big goal for us to work towards (flying changes, if you must know) (also solo trail riding), so I'm targeting those goals in a thoughtful, step by step manner. I'm not just going to be like LETS GO FLYING CHANGE but instead break it down:

proof i own pants

Goal: flying change

Skill needed: balanced, forward canter on both leads

Skill needed: prompt responses to cues under saddle

Skill needed: ability to move zb's balance forward and back in motion in all gaits

Skill needed: consistent, balanced transitions through and between all gaits.

And so on. 

did i mention sometimes it's so smokey we can't breathe and only walk

The best part of the journey is enjoying every step.

Which we do. 

two cool kids

#til Check Your Tack, Fam

ZB and I moved barns at the beginning of December. I was trying to juggle a lot of travel commitments around winter weather, so I ended up moving her as a big winter storm was blowing in so I could be in town as she settled in vs out of state. 

rolling

Which is fine. 

We moved to a really lovely little place that fits our needs and goals. We gave up the luxury of an indoor, which meant there would be limitations on winter riding. 

Which again, is fine. 

rolling

I'm at a really cool place mentally where I can enjoy my horse every time I'm with her and there's no stress around what she should or shouldn't be doing or what anyone else is doing. I knew that winter/early spring riding was going to be weather dependent. I'm fine taking extra time doing stuff. I'm not riding 5 days a week and all is well. 

All of that, fine. 

she free jumped herself

This spring has been weird though. I've felt a little out of balance and disconnected. Things aren't quite clicking and I'm second guessing myself. I added a gut supplement and did a lot of ground work and everything I did was telling me that my horse was fine but my confidence was absolutely shot for some reason. 

That isn't fine. 

um hello shiny

I'm not about brute forcing things and I don't have a readily available trainer right now so I've just been kind of feeling it out. I needed a breakthrough. 

So I saddled up on a nice spring day, put my foot in the stirrup, felt the smack of my boob hitting the saddle horn a split second before my feet hit the ground and found myself staring at my slightly confused horse from next to the mounting block. 

Cough. 

there are a lot of buckles in there

This is a reminder to check your stirrup leather and make sure EVERYHING IS STILL ATTACHED before you try to get on. 

More importantly though--I'd been feeling a little out of balance and like I wanted my stirrups shorter, but western stirrups are a PITA to mess with and I'm not riding that hard so I just hadn't and figured I'd get used to the length that had obviously been fine before. 

And that meant I didn't change them. 

everyone say hi to this adorable muppet

Standing in the dusty arena seemed like a good time to address it, so I dutifully shortened that stirrup, then shortened and checked the other side.

And then I got on. 

I felt confident. Centered. In balance. 

I pushed the reins forward and trusted my horse. I owned my own balance. 

Since that day, I've been taking the leaps forward that seemed to be missing. 

also who thinks i need new stirrups

Just wait until you hear about the day I realized I was a Horse Training Goddess (tm). Full disclosure that one did not go the way I expected either. 

Hos Gonna Ho

The problem with ZB is one of her best features—she fits in zero off the rack things so impulse buying is dead.

hi

Plus y’know—most high end western stuff is designed to last like 700 years so it’s stiff and ugly colored until you put a couple years on it out in the sun and dust and rain. 

So yeah I went full commit on the western schtick. Roxie’s mom told me what saddle to get, I found a 6” bit on eBay, grabbed a pair of reins from the feed store, and that was that. Well then I added the largest breast collar from the feed store too and the quality isn’t great because I bought the largest soft pre-oiled option that feels nice to start with and gets worse from there. But it looks fine for now. 

winter scruff

I love to scroll horse stuff on the socials and I’d cut a bitch for a nice French bridle but even I can’t justify $700 for a non-custom bridle. 

But you know what is way cheaper

And SPARKLES? 

Yeah random western stuff. 

they see her rollin

I obviously spent way too much time trying to run down what was trendy for what discipline and how much it cost and you can FOR SURE spend all the dineros you would like when it comes to that. But like. For me. 

I’m not showing. I don’t have a discipline. The world is my oyster. 

shout out past me for buying sunflower slobber straps

And while I visually LOVE straps, they’re goddamn annoying to put on.

Plus you know how it is in the winter—you aren’t riding a ton, you’re shopping for presents, the algorithm is feeding you shit, your impulse control is at an all time low, etc. 

she's so damn cute

anyways that’s the story of how i decided i couldn’t live without this super minimalist headstall that i then immediately decided i needed to buy a noseband for because it was too minimal which then transitioned into switching over to a mecate set up but i obviously bought this STUNNING custom size sparkle piece and anyways hook a sister up if you see a deal on high end reins.

this headstall is what dreams are made of

Cough.

Some things never change. 

google decided you needed this photo and who am i to argue with our AI overlords?

Bet You Didn’t See This Coming

 I’m still here. 

I mean, not really, inasmuch as I’ve mostly adapted to short form social media and instead of chronicling the very-personal-to-me horse things, I do some content creation for other outlets and let my relationship with my horse be mine to own. 

I’m forever awed by the friendships I made through blogging and the people I still trek across the country to see. There is so much value I think in taking the time to reflect and write and grow as a person and a trainer and let that growth inform our steps. 

The TL; DR of life since I was here last is I did a career pivot so I could be home more and moved ZB to a barn that’s further from my house but closer to my goals. It’s a really calm, quiet little place with excellent care and trail access right off the property. I’ve accepted that I have zero drive to compete in any event and I’m realizing just how much I enjoy connecting with my horse and learning together. 

Also—after spending 6 years with ZB at the same barn, I opted to move her to the new place literally the day before a pretty epic winter storm and we’re in the midst of the wettest spring in over 120 years here, which means instead of worrying about training, I’m just taking things a day at a time. 

The queen herself is (gasp) 11 this year, which is fucking insane. She’s had a couple “wild” moments as we’re learning the new place and olden days OTTB-riding me would have been shocked to learn what that looks like these days. There was some jigging. Also a spook at a spooky object. She still plays with legos (aka the mounting block) and anything else you leave around her, she’s still the smartest, kindest, most honest creature I’ve ever had the privilege to be around. 

One thing I learned rather quickly was that there is a learning curve to riding your horse away from the barn when their friends might be running the fence line and screaming like complete idiots. Also if your horse isn’t spooked by traffic but you are, you’re going to start doing desensitization but to yourself. Fun fact: it would be easier if it was the horse. I’m fucking terrified of traffic. 

I’m the problem it’s me.

I thought my tack ho days might be behind us, but rest assured—I still can’t resist a pretty leather strap and I would cut a bitch to know where to find a nice 6” bit. 

All that to say—hello.