Last week, I had a lesson. In true Alyssa fashion, Alyssa took gorgeous pictures of it and you'd never guess that any attempt to turn right had us flailing sideways into the fence. That was not awesome. Then I showed up on Thursday (admittedly in the middle of a giant storm) and C-rage wouldn't let him touch him in his stall.
Because wild mustang.
|pictured: not Thursday|
I snapped. I'm not proud of it, but there is only so much a person can take and I've been hanging out dangerously close to that line lately.
And by "snapped", I mean I texted a few friends that I was selling his stupid bay ass. And had a full-on meltdown at the barn. And my barn friends were like "whoa um here try riding some other horses".
|i steal her|
So I did, over the next few days. The lovely painty mare in the picture above is freaking perfect. Tries so hard. Super well trained. Admittedly, her owner has put years and years into getting her that way and has the patience of an absolute saint.
And then another friend let me play with an OTTB she has for sale. He's a cute mover and a nice horse and a little needy and unsure of new people and yeah, I realized all my years with C have done a lot to make him the way he is (easy on the ground) and that yeah, the asshole thing is where it's at for me (dammit).
|oh and this one year progress hot kinda blew my mind|
One thing that has been very upsetting for me is realizing that showing Courage doesn't even sound fun to me right now. But showing last year was pretty traumatic and abruptly cut short and never resolved and now I'm not in a good place physically, so yeah. A show would be overwhelming.
But you know what's not overwhelming?
A field trip to a friend's house.
So we did that. And you know what? Courage was great. I felt like steamed poo so I didn't ride, but I could have. Courage was brave and uncomplicated and yeah, he was a little up, but he settled and put in some quality work on the lunge and then he just hung out and looked around calmly while our friend rode.
He wasn't obnoxious or insecure or annoying. He got on and off the trailer with no fuss. He stood tied like a champion.
And really. If I'm thinking clearly, I know that Courage's big tell for pain is that he quits turning right. And I know that he really does best with monthly body work and I know that I've kinda skimped on that lately because I don't think he's working that hard, but since it's his body, I guess he gets to make that call.
|consider it made|
His body work is scheduled. I'm not riding him, not even to loose-rein-toodle, until after that. I'm actively pursuing other horses to ride. I need some time to breathe and I need to not be a jerk to my horse, especially since I'm the one who got him in to this situation. It is my responsibility to make it right.
After all, it takes a special horse to rock the hell out of this browband. And that matters to me.