Last week, I had a lesson. In true Alyssa fashion, Alyssa took gorgeous pictures of it and you'd never guess that any attempt to turn right had us flailing sideways into the fence. That was not awesome. Then I showed up on Thursday (admittedly in the middle of a giant storm) and C-rage wouldn't let him touch him in his stall.
Because wild mustang.
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| pictured: not Thursday |
I snapped. I'm not proud of it, but there is only so much a person can take and I've been hanging out dangerously close to that line lately.
And by "snapped", I mean I texted a few friends that I was selling his stupid bay ass. And had a full-on meltdown at the barn. And my barn friends were like "whoa um here try riding some other horses".
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| i steal her |
So I did, over the next few days. The lovely painty mare in the picture above is freaking perfect. Tries so hard. Super well trained. Admittedly, her owner has put years and years into getting her that way and has the patience of an absolute saint.
And then another friend let me play with an OTTB she has for sale. He's a cute mover and a nice horse and a little needy and unsure of new people and yeah, I realized all my years with C have done a lot to make him the way he is (easy on the ground) and that yeah, the asshole thing is where it's at for me (dammit).
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| oh and this one year progress hot kinda blew my mind |
One thing that has been very upsetting for me is realizing that showing Courage doesn't even sound fun to me right now. But showing last year was pretty traumatic and abruptly cut short and never resolved and now I'm not in a good place physically, so yeah. A show would be overwhelming.
But you know what's not overwhelming?
A field trip to a friend's house.
So we did that. And you know what? Courage was great. I felt like steamed poo so I didn't ride, but I could have. Courage was brave and uncomplicated and yeah, he was a little up, but he settled and put in some quality work on the lunge and then he just hung out and looked around calmly while our friend rode.
He wasn't obnoxious or insecure or annoying. He got on and off the trailer with no fuss. He stood tied like a champion.
And really. If I'm thinking clearly, I know that Courage's big tell for pain is that he quits turning right. And I know that he really does best with monthly body work and I know that I've kinda skimped on that lately because I don't think he's working that hard, but since it's his body, I guess he gets to make that call.
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| consider it made |
His body work is scheduled. I'm not riding him, not even to loose-rein-toodle, until after that. I'm actively pursuing other horses to ride. I need some time to breathe and I need to not be a jerk to my horse, especially since I'm the one who got him in to this situation. It is my responsibility to make it right.
After all, it takes a special horse to rock the hell out of this browband. And that matters to me.
That is a pretty amazing browband! Glad you had fun on the field trip and are getting some perspective riding other horses. Maybe Courage will behave when he realizes you have options ;)
ReplyDeleteI really need to quit buying browbands.
DeleteNo, you don't ;-) #buyallthethings
DeleteOMG, that browband! Love!
ReplyDeleteI appreciate the honesty. It's really easy on the internet to focus on good parts and gloss over problems, but its nice to get to see the full story. I hope the break and the bodywork do both of you good.
Ha yeah I want bodywork too.
DeleteRiding, like life, isn't linear. Breaks are a good thing <3
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry :( I think you have lots of reason to feel like snapping, and glad you got to sit on some other ponies.
ReplyDeleteI want to punch the last eight months in the throat. And some other months too.
DeleteI'm glad you have awesome barn friends who share to help you through the struggles. I'm sure the body work will be helpful, and you'll be back in your routine soon.
ReplyDeleteThey are amazing.
Deleteyay for positive field trips! and for figuring out what your horse is trying to tell you. always hard... also glad you're riding other horses too. you're a good rider and you've done a good job with C. you should be able to enjoy the fruits of all that hard work a little more often than C's always willing to make happen.
ReplyDeleteHe certainly isn't the easiest.
DeleteLe sigh...I just so wish it could be easy, breezy, fun for a little (long) while whether that is on Courage or on a different horse. You deserve that after all the work and heart you've put in. I hope the body work and warmer spring weather helps both of you tons. I'm just going to ask, have you established an "enough" point or "I love him so much as a horse to own or know but not a horse to ride" with C? Or are you committed forever? Or are you unsure?
ReplyDeleteThat's always the million dollar question. ;-)
DeleteI hope that the body work helps because it will be a struggle to find a model as good as C is. Either way you know where to find me. ;)
ReplyDeleteBoy do I.
DeleteGosh that TB is super cute. Are you sure you can't just dye Courage a darker bay?
ReplyDeleteCan you imagine if that was an option? I could change his color to match our outfits!
DeleteThat background with the snow caps mountains... Gorgeous. Looks like you floating by a painted scene, not real!!
ReplyDeleteAlyssa makes it look magical for sure.
DeleteYou're the only one who gets to decide when you've had enough -- selfishly I'm glad you're not there yet because I love C's glamour shots. But even if you do get there someday, we're all here for you no matter what.
ReplyDeleteHe is so damn good looking.
DeleteI think you have every right to have a melt down once in a while! You have been thru a lot. Also ride a lot of other horses!! And love on C-Rage and get his body work done and just heal yourself. Enjoy the ride (on whomever you are on!)
ReplyDeleteI should get one of those "X days since full mental break" signs and keep it on his stall...
DeleteI'm so sorry that C is struggling again - totally understand the frustration. I'm glad you have other ponies to ride though, sometimes a change of perspective really helps. And I hope the bodywork puts everything back to normal again!
ReplyDeleteUgh, I know a thing or two about snapping. I think you're making the right call by trying other horses and stepping back a bit. Sometimes the BS is way too much to handle
ReplyDelete