Now Far Ahead the Road Has Gone

What to say about the little bay horse that walked into my life four years ago and rocked it to it's very foundation? 

Absolute Courage, they called him.

And that is what he's been to me. My rock when I lost Cuna. My reason for standing up for myself. My impetus to try and change and grow and learn.

Courage for the big moments, but Courage every day. Courage to see the abuse I was taking and Courage to walk away with my head held high. Courage to find my voice and Courage to see the future.

Courage a million times over.

He's difficult. He's temperamental.  He's sensitive. He's emotional. He's honest. He's brave.

He took me on an unforgettable adventure.

He's made me the best version of myself.

And now, he's going to be Courage to someone else.

Farewell, my friend.

The Plan (such as it is, subject to change)

Someone needs to tell 2016 that October is over. Until they do, I guess I'll appreciate the hearty doses of perspective I keep getting served up.

Here's where I'm at:

1) I really, genuinely like this horse and I'm (still) not ready to give up on him.
2) This year was really, genuinely awful and I don't want to do it again.

From where I sit, it looks like Courage is advancing well in his dressage training. On the days he shows up to play, he works hard, tries hard, and is definitely making progress. His body is changing. His muscles are changing.

Those days are great.

But there are also days where he flat doesn't show up to work. Doesn't want to play. Can't deal with life. Not just "a little bit doesn't want to" or "needs to go for a hack"--we're talking completely unmanageable, borderline dangerous, brain checked out, not coming back to earth stuff.

Everyone is going to have bad days, but for this to be worth it to me, the bad days need to be less frequent and they need to be less dramatic.

See, here's what's really interesting to me about this. For all his antics, Courage is never trying to get rid of me and he's really never trying to get away. He's massively claustrophobic, yes, but he's also terrified of freedom. He may leap and rear and bolt on the lunge line, but he never pulls away from me. He may break free at the trailer, but he immediately stops and wants to be caught.

That grabs my attention. This isn't a horse saying EFF YOU HUMANS. It's a horse with some rather severe emotional issues, but still issues that might be overcome-able.

And again, while I don't enjoy the leaping/bolting/flailing, I can and will ride it. We changed disciplines and trainers and everything for him and I don't resent him for that. Those things are fine with me, but I also need him to work with me on this.

The dressage training is definitely helping the good days, but I'm not sure it's improving the bad ones and I question trying to ask a pressure-averse horse to accept more pressure on days when he's already peaced out. If I show up and it's clearly a "not" day, saying "go sideways and step underneath yourself" doesn't seem to improve anything.

So I need a different approach. Something that addresses Courage's emotional instability and claustrophobia and teaches him different responses.

Dare I say it? We're officially in search of a good local cowboy. There will probably be a round pen. Pool noodles? Balloons? Flags? God only knows.

This is not something I undertake lightly--Courage is at best a fragile horse mentally, and I am not going to risk having him fried by someone who doesn't understand what we're after. I don't care if he can walk over bridges or get in the back of trucks or have guns fired off him or whatever. I don't need razzle dazzle and pizzaz.

I'm in search of someone who can get through to my man C-rage on an emotional level and help him learn some coping skills.

A Rash Vow: C-Rage Hits the Open Circuit

After a solid kick in the pants by our dressage clinician, I signed Courage and myself up for an open schooling show. I haven't done a rail class or an open show since I was maybe 14, so I called the show secretary on the closing date and signed Courage up for every single class we were eligible for.

yup

I'm definitely a "the more, the merrier" sort of person so I talked a girl from our barn into going with. (It was hard. Me: "hey let's go to a show!" Her: "yes!"), then we picked up another local friend, which filled out our three horse trailer. 

also finally justified a fancy stitch bridle

Two days before the show, I had the farrier pull Courage's hind shoes for the winter, then tried to practice "english pleasure" on a horse who had no goddamn clue what I wanted but thought his newly-bare hind feet were EXCITING and we had only dolphin leaping and no cantering and I had to get off and lunge. So that was positive? 

I also realized I don't ever ride in my jump saddle anymore and that was going to be challenging. Oh, and while I was making good choices, I said this to a friend:

I mean, let's be real: Courage and I have been failalicious (it's a word. i just made it a word) at shows this year and I had zero hopes of this going anywhere, especially after the dolphin leaping ride. 

I thought maybe we would practice again the next day, but completely forgot a dressage friend was in town and wanted to play ponies, and it takes like .01 seconds to talk me out of riding in jump tack these days. 

Courage was ON IT for dressage. 

And then we went to the show! To do not-dressage! 

First things first, I took too long checking in and completely misunderstood the nice woman in the office when she explained that I needed to be in the lineup for in-hand trail. I thought she meant outside the ring. 

She did not. 

So when Courage and I made it down to the ring to wait our turn, I discovered that our entire class was already in the ring doing their thing and we were too late and not allowed in. Whoops. My bad. Whatever. We took the opportunity to hang out on the rail and Courage was pretty bug eyed about the experience, but he didn't kick anyone or lose his shit, so I counted it a win and stuck him back at the trailer. 

I should mention, it was a super gross rainy day. And I brought the fixings of apple cider mimosas because Courage relaxing isn't the only problem I have. As I told my friends, I was going to drink until showing sounded like a good idea. 

one of many refills

Possibly I lost count of the mimosas, but there were several hours of western and trail for us to chill out during. We needed yeah all of them.

Oh my. And then we had to tack up, at which point I started sorely regretting the chili I got from the concession stand at lunch. 

peer pressure makes it happen!

But Alyssa was on hand to document! And dammit I paid my $40! And mimosas! There was a fortuitous break in the rain, so I threw tack and and handwalked C around the indoor during the open schooling. I expected him to lose his shit about the bleachers, the barrels behind the fence, the corner all the horses were spooking at, and the huge ass steamy mirrors.

He was up and giraffe-y, but he settled in and gave zero shits about those things. So. Don't don't get me wrong--he was still super tense and looky, but he wasn't bothered by the completely new-to-him facility. He was just being green at a show. 

By the time I got on, open warm up was over. I walked some figure eights in the holding area while the class before us ran and tried to find a good place to throw up my chili. Before I settled on a spot, they called us in to the ring along with five other contestants in the W/T. 

Courage was actually being reasonable--he didn't look at the ring steward, wasn't worried about the judge, and really wasn't super upset about anything I expected. I locked my demon right hand into the neckstrap of his standing martingale, basically got full tunnel vision, and would have said a rosary if I were Catholic and knew it. Time to die. 

I really can't explain what happened next. Courage put his little nose down and walked like a pleasure horse. I thought I was dead for sure when they called the trot, but no. He did a lovely transition into a trot I'd say was too on the forehand and not quite tracking for dressage, but it was fine. He even stood in the line up fine and backed on cue fine. I hadn't watched anyone else in the class, so I sat there to see how it placed AND THEY CALLED US FIRST!! IN A CLASS OF SIX!! 

note death grip on martingale

DAYUM was that unexpected. 

Then we had to sit out a couple classes. We did some more figure eights at the walk and added walk/halt transitions. Not gonna lie--I was feeling a little competitive. Didn't know the little guy had it in him, but apparently he does. He even kept his back moving reasonably well and he was starting to let me put a little leg on, which was helpful for steering.

The next three classes are kind of a blur. Courage and I went out there and freaking killed it at the walk and trot. 

But every time they called for canter, no matter how I went slow, set him up, asked softly, and took my time, our canter transitions looked like this:

thank the lord for standing martingales

I'd ask for left lead and he'd leap and bolt onto the right lead. I'd ask for right and have the opposite problem. The first class was bad, the second mildly better, the third pretty bad. The good news was that it was a schooling show with a super nice judge. The bad news was those two Equitation classes we signed up for are pattern classes with an assumption that your horse is broke. Which mine is apparently rather not.

And hey. If I'm going to use the allowed schooling equipment at a schooling show, I like to at least demonstrate to the judge why I feel the need to ride my nice horse in it... so there's that. Also fun fact--I didn't really watch any of the other riders other than trying not to hit them (we never really got close), but in several classes, we actually placed above people. I'd say they must have really screwed up, but even with his canter reactions, Courage was still ON IT walk, trot, halt and back. So. Dunno. We can go from flailing to perfect english pleasure trot, so that's cool.

and sometimes after the flailing, the canter was ok

I told my squad that if I had one class without bolting, C was done. It was our last rail class with just one other rider on a nice broke horse.I REALLY REALLY REALLY didn't want to do the pattern classes under those conditions, but I also can't end on a bolty note. 

Off we went. 

W/T were of course fantastic. Left lead actually also went great. C picked it up and cantered around about half the arena before the judge called a walk transition. We changed direction. You open show folks know the drill--walk and reverse, then canter again. All day, I'd been ignoring the walk/canter transition and just picking it up through the trot. I did that again. C'mon horse--ONE decent-ish transition and our day is over. 

And as a friend described it, "I heard the crowd react and thought 'I hope Aimee is ok'". 

Sigh. 

Yeah. Saved the best for last apparently. We went BARRELING and LEAPING across the arena. The positive here is I totally got my new most favorite flail pic.

uphill much?

I mean, this is not my first rodeo with C and he's not a dirty horse, so I was never in danger of falling off. Despite how it looks, I really wasn't in danger of having my face bashed in either. It was just frustrating because we have these problems conquered at home, but the show environment brings it out in him. Which is why we're there.

Again, it's a two person class that I'm clearly not winning. The judge looks at me once I have C more or less contained and goes, "let's just try that one again". He was a Ray Hunt/Tom Dorrance natural horsemanship dude with a good head on his shoulders and he talked us through another transition and C kept his little brain in his little head and it was totally reasonable. YAY JUDGE. YAY COURAGE. YAY AIMEE.

finally justified this super attractive cooler I bought last year

We made it out of the ring, I slid off, and the tendons in my lower leg promptly seized up from that much abuse. Courage was steaming and covered in sweat, but dammit, we had a class with two good canter transitions. I'll take it.

our barn buddy cleaned up (top row), but we didn't do too bad either (bottom row)

The judge had some nice things to say about Courage and I. We even chatted with another competitor on a super cute, super broke horse and she assured me she'd ridden him through worse before it got nice and that Courage would get there too. 

pretending he's a fancy show horse with Alyssa

So. All in all, it was an excellent learning experience. Courage and I both really need the outings and the ability to just keep going back into classes. Usually this is the sort of thing you can do at jumper shows, but jumps are kinda not our thing and I don't want to go there anymore, haha. We will definitely be looking for more opportunities like this.

Oh and that rash vow? We not only won a class with more than three horses, we also placed above other competitors in more than one class. 

Apparently there's a craft project on my horizon.

Making the Transition

I had the unique advantage of working with Courage (and a whole barn full of horses) at the race track before I brought him home. I highly recommend this route to anyone looking to snatch up their own OTTB--I've spent days handling him hyped up on grain and hay and know a lot about his reactions to stimuli. That said, most people have "lives" and "real jobs" and "mortgage payments", so I realize it isn't always an option. For those of you looking at bringing home an OTTB of your own, here are some thoughts on the transition from someone going through it for the first time.

 At the Track

Typical morning routine

I met Courage at the track. He's old for a racehorse (2005), so he's pretty well set in his ways. That said, he was on a normal racing diet of INSANE amounts of grain (seriously, have to see to believe) and lots of alfalfa. This high energy diet is what it takes to fuel a high efficiency athlete like he was, but it also affect the horses personalities. 

Several of the younger horses seemed a bit nuts, but I'm pretty sure that if they ate a regular sport horse diet, they would have calmed right down. Instead of focusing on that behavior, I looked for patterns that indicated personality in the various horses. This is Courage getting ready for a morning work. He's out of his stall, but he's quietly standing while he gets ready.

His exercise rider would drop his stirrups and ride on a long rein to and from the track while Courage walked along calmly. He knew when to run and when to rest. 

Good morning fans

After a bath, his next stop was the hot walker. Due to space constraints in a racetrack environment, turnout is rarely available. This is basically the next best thing. The horses are able to cool out and dry off while getting some exercise. Some of them take the opportunity to bounce around like nutters. Some walk calmly. Most are somewhere in between.

WHOA BUDDIES. Break time.

Some think that the most fun game is to make the walker (and all the other horses on it) stop repeatedly.

It's probably passive aggressive, but it's a very calm way od expressing it.

Om nom nom

In the stall, Courage was easy to be around and respectful of people's space. The trainers, grooms, and riders have no interest in getting hurt, so they are pretty particular about manners. A very talented young horse might have more leeway, but generally the older the horse, the better they are to be around, much like horses in every other part of the world.

Another trait I liked about Courage in the stall was that he was an excellent eater. Given the massive caloric intake the horses are offered every day, they can afford to be picky. Some ate primarily grain. Some picked out only the best scraps of hay. Courage pretty well cleaned up all his hay every day. That means that he is a good eater (yay! easier to put weight on) and that his gut feels quite comfortable digesting. Perfect.

Just a photo shoot. Move along.

Even when we threw him for a loop by playing dress up and going in and out of his stall at an unusual time, he was pretty unfazed. It wasn't part of the usual routine, but he was a confident enough horse that changing the routine a bit wasn't a cause for drama, crankiness, or nerves. 

Instead, he enjoyed the attention and exhibited his social side. 

What a horse does on the actual racetrack doesn't necessarily translate to how he'll behave as a sporthorse. How he is to deal with on the ground, in the stable, and around the barn is more what I'm concerned about. 

Courage impressed me. 

At the Barn

Exploring

When I introduced Courage to his new barn environment, I was aware that it was a whole new world for him. He was turned out last winter, so I know he's got some basis for understanding, but I doubt he's every lived in an average sporthorse set up with daily turnout, a stall and run, and light work. I know that he's used to a structured routine and he likes watching what is going on.

As such, I immediately got him on a routine and made sure he had a stall where he could see everything. He's used to activity (and watching the races go by) and he loves attention. The BO and I were careful to follow the routine, putting him on his drylot when the horses went out, feeding at the same time, and bringing him in with the other horses. 

It was easy to understand and he's a smart guy, so he settled right in. 

Om nom nom

Some things were all new to him, like grass pastures and social interactions and metal fences. I tried to introduce those things slowly. He picked up on pastures pretty quickly--he LOVES grass.

That said, he isn't used to eating it for long periods and he isn't sure about wide open spaces. We started out handgrazing. I'd let him go once he seemed settled and bring him in as soon as he seemed uncomfortable. Yesterday he went 2.5 hours with minimal supervision and did great.

He still eats all the hay we give him (though he prefers to eat at night) and has adjusted very well to having a complete feed instead of oats every day. I don't have him on any supplements, but if/when I decide to add them, I don't think it will be a problem.

Not so sure

Other things were harder. He did ok the first day with having the retirees over the fence and learned about how to say hello and make friends. It's something he's done before, but it's not an encouraged behavior at the track.

Of course, it can't all be smooth sailing. He managed to find the one sharp place on the fence (that we can't find again, of course), and cut his leg up impressively.

It's important to remember that he's used to being handled every single day and he's used to minding his manners. My BO was able to catch him and cold hose and wrap without the benefit of cross ties, all by herself. He's used to being taken care of and he's used to behaving. To him, there was nothing weird about the situation other than that the fence bit him. 

 Taking care of his cuts and scrapes was as good a time as any to introduce him to crossties. I needed him to quit playing with the shampoo in the wash rack and I knew his clever mind and quiet personality were on my side.  The first day I used one cross tie and reminded him not to walk forward in the three sided wash rack. The second day I used both ties and kept the lead rope handy. He never made so much as a peep and now cross ties very well.

What's not to love?

After just a little more than a week as an OTTB, Courage is doing very well in his new life. I'd say his manners at the new barn have very accurately reflected how he behaved at the track. Because he was handled well, he's had a very easy time adjusting to the sport horse life.

Fancy!

I want to do more with him under saddle before I say too much there, but let's just start by mentioning that his reputation as a runaway on the track has absolutely nothing to do with the chilled out, mellow guy I see every morning.