My Horse is Maybe a Rockstar Diva Princess (or not)

So Karen started this thing where you take a fun personality quiz for your horse and then get a cool personality profile. It's like the equine meyers briggs, which is super cool (if you're a raging nerd, which I am).

Anyways. I'm sorry I forget who all has done it since then, but a bunch of people took the quiz and were like "wow look at this great insight I got for training my horse based on an analysis of his personality", which is great.

So I jetted myself off over there to take it.

And was immediately stymied.

Here's question one:

1) At feed time, does your horse eat in the top half of the pecking order?

a) Always
b) Sometimes
c) Never

That's cute. They forgot to include an answer for C. It would go like this:

d) spent whole life in stall--has no concept of social boundaries--banned from herd interactions due to immense risk to human life

these might be in his herd. not sure.

I mean, there was one winter where he lived outside with one other horse for a few months but uh... yeah so he ate his buddy's tail and the lining of his buddies blanket and was completely uncatchable. We have tried him in several different group turnout situations since then with varying levels of fail. He plays like a lunatic, chases the other horses, becomes impossible to catch, oh and the funnest part: when you try to catch his pasture buddies, he will chase them over the top of you because HE'S NOT DONE PLAYING WITH THEM YET.

It's flat dangerous to human life and not worth the risk to anyone. Including him. Because he annoys the hell out of the other horses.

what this pretty boy?

Well ok so that's inconvenient. Let's move on to question two:

2) Is your horse easy to get to go forward?

a) Always
b) Sometimes
c) Never

And then there's C's answer:

d) depends if you mean "move from this spot" (yes easy) or truly go forward (ummmmm depends on the day) and even then, yeah, I guess depends on the day.

I dunno how many questions are on the quiz, but so far there really hasn't been a reliable answer for him. Let's try question three:

3) Is your horse interested in investigating new objects?

a) Always
b) Sometimes
c) Never

Again, I can't really answer this. Sort of? Not really. It depends. I tried introducing the yoga ball this winter and he literally had no interest. I had a tarp blow up in front of him and he didn't even blink. He didn't used to be afraid of judges at dressage shows, but now he sort of is. He's never cared about little white dressage fences... so I wouldn't say he investigates things? Let's just write in another line:

d) Courage does what Courage wants

this one time, he wanted to carry my helmet around

I mean, I could pick "sometimes" but that's literally half-assing it and telling me nothing about my own horse. Ahem. So question four:

4) Does your horse like to be touched, petted, or groomed? 

a) Always
b) Sometimes
c) Never

HOW IS THIS A QUESTION? You'd think they could throw me an easy one somewhere. Courage is a very, very interactive horse--he likes to be up in your face and eat cookies and get attention, for sure. But when it comes to people touching him (vs him touching them), it depends. He's very sensitive, tends to be stand-offish, and has strong opinions (surprise! not!) about by whom and where and for how long and what they're doing. Some days he wants me to scratch his neck for an hour. Some days he wants everyone to go away. The difference between those days is in his mind alone. We'll make a C answer up again:

d) Be the molester, not the molest-ee. 

WHO'S TOUCHING WHOM NOW

I could go on--the quiz likes to ask lots of questions about hierarchy and herd dynamics. I think I already covered that pretty well earlier, but 6 years in a stall does not a socially-well-adjusted horse make. Courage is going through a weird delayed adolescence/something that isn't good or safe for anyone. He doesn't live in a herd. He doesn't know how. Yeah, maybe he could learn how, but I don't keep a horse for the purpose of turning it into a wild mustang and my interest in setting him up for serious herd-induced injury is zero.

And then there are things like "Does your horse need to have a purpose?" to which I say "dear god I hope the only one in this relationship having an existential crisis is me" and "Does your horse like to be controlled?" which is probably the only easy question on the test. HELLZ TO DA NO BITCHEZZZZ.

My best bet for quiz results is just to read through the answers and see which one sounds the most like Courage, but that takes the fun quiz element out of it.

Which is to say.

My horse may or may not be a rockstar. THE WORLD WILL NEVER KNOW.

25 Questions, Now With My Answers

Cathryn at That Red Mare started a fun blog hop to let us get to know our favorite bloggers a little better. I've loved reading everyone else's answers, so I'm having a whirl.

1. Mares or Geldings? Why?
100% geldings. I did mares. Never. Again.

she was a pretty thing

I agree that a good mare can be a good horse, but do you know what is so much easier to get than a good mare? A GOOD GELDING.

2. Green-broke or Fully Broke?
Oh, fully broke ALL.THE.WAY. I'm poor and will start with greenies for the rest of my life, but I am oh so happy when they start acting broke.

3. Would you own a "hotter" breed (ie. Arabian, Trakhener, etc).
I have a rule against Arabians. I can't afford Trakheners. My favorite Arabian quote came from an old school vet. An Arabian owner asked if a procedure could cause brain damage to his horse. Vet responded "Could you even tell?"

Ahem. I do have friends who have Arabs and they seem to love them. That is great. For them.

4. What was your "dream horse" growing up?
Oh, totally an Arabian.

this arabian

5. What kind of bit(s) do you use and why?
It depends on the day. I collect bits constantly and love rotating them and playing with them. Right now, Courage goes in a sprenger kk ultra eggbutt, a knock off of that bit, and an ancient old single jointed d that's thicker than my thumb. Fun fact: he likes the last one best.

6. Helmets or no helmets?
Helmet. Every time, every ride.

except on very rare, very special, very supervised occasions

7. Favorite horse color?
Oh my. I love a good chestnut. The right shade of bay. I'm very pro buckskin. A dark, dappled palomino. A dapple grey as long as someone else keeps it clean. Anything with chrome.

8. Least favorite horse color?
I don't like blue eyes or cremello/dilutes. I don't like my horses to have chrome on their bodies, but heads is ok.

9. Dressage or Jumping?
Depends on the ears you're looking through. If in doubt, dressage.

no doubt

10. How many years have you been riding?
I rode in lessons from 9-17, then break for college. Now riding again and well past college, but not doing that math for you.

11. Spurs/whip or no spurs/whip?
I like spurs OR a whip, personal preference for spurs. Imo, if the critter needs both, I don't want to be riding it. Or doing that sport. Especially with that horse.

12. Your first fall?
I honestly don't even remember. I started riding on a 25+ year old morgan gelding who jumped 5' in a previous life and then gave lessons. He had a wicked dirty stop and it caught me off guard lots of times.

also came off this creature a lot, but i loved her

13. When was the last time you rode and what did you do?
Yesterday. We toodled. It's a very important part of our training plan. TOODLING. Look it up.

14. Most expensive piece of tack you own?
ummmmm. Dressage saddle, if you count the upgrades? It still clocks in at barely over 1k. I day dream about French saddles, but they aren't happening for a long, long time.

mmmm sparkles

15. How old were you when you started riding?
The ripe old age of 9.

16. Leather or Nylon halters?
Leather for me, the happy absent boarder. Nylon for day to day/barn help use.

17. Leather or Synthetic saddles?
My first saddle was a wintec that I saved up for and bought when I was a kid. I loved it very much. I finally sold it because I loved leather more than sentiment and I haven't looked back.

18. What "grip" of reins do you like?
I'm really not a rein snob. I have average size hands and can let my open fingers slip any material or thickness. My preference at the moment is for rubber-lined leather reins and I really want to get some with stops, but I also don't want to shell out for new reins. I also love nunn finer soft grip reins, all my PS reins, and the occasional laced rein.

19. English or Western?
English to work, western to toodle. Mostly because I have zero affinity for western saddles and don't really understand how to get in them, stay in them, or get out of them.

plus fun to have a different look

20. How many horses do you currently own/lease?
Own 1. That is the best number for me. My obsessive energy gets confused when it goes in more than one direction.

21. Do you board your horse? Self-care/full board? Home board?
Board with mostly-full-care. Sometimes work off some of board. I've done self care (not a fan). I used to think I wanted my own place, but I really love all the amenities of boarding without having to take care of them, so who knows. I think my best boarding experience was working off board at a private farm with no crazy people. That was amazing.

22. Have you ever had to put down a horse that you loved?

23. How many saddlepads do you have?
NOT A FAIR QUESTION PRECIOUS.

24. Slant-load trailer or straight haul?
I don't have a trailer. Courage loads well in most slants. Haven't tried him in a straight load because none of my hauling friends have one.

25. Why do you ride?
Riding gives me direction, channels my passion, teaches me life lessons, and gives me something to connect to. When everything else is out of control, riding centers me. 

Gotta do something with all that crazy to keep normal people from seeing it.

Are You a Tack Ho? One Simple Quiz to Find Out

need dis

I ran a quiz on dressage queens last month, which is something I barely know anything about (coughcough), so it only makes sense to do a follow up on something I'm fairly experienced at: determining your relative level of tack-ho-ness. You doubt? Grab a pen, mark your answers, and see where you stack up.













1) You walk into a tack store. What is the first thing you do?

a) Check shopping list and proceed accordingly
b) SALE RACK
c) Check out what's new and cool in apparel.
d) Look at saddle pads and maybe blankets or coolers
e) LEATHER and/or BOOTS and OH MY GOD THERE IS A WALL OF BITS LET ME AT THEM!!!

2) Last time you dressed your horse up for fun, it was:

a) For a meaningful (but rare) photoshoot to capture a priceless memory
b) Uh yeah really not something you do. Wtf?
c) Horse is always turned out traditionally so you can add a little pop to your outfit. So classy.
d) Because every day is an opportunity to match your shirt/saddle pad/polo wraps.
e) Like yesterday. Sometimes you've gotta just use your shit.

3) How many bridles do you currently own?

a) One per horse per discipline
b) One per horse plus a couple you found on sale as back ups but keep at home
c) One, but it's a timeless brand
d) Who can afford to collect bridles? That's a Rambo you could have bought!
e) You can't expect me to keep track of that! Numbers are soooooo judgy. Back off.

4) How often do you clean your tack?

a) I don't know? Once a year I guess if I have time.
b) Before shows. Big shows. Maybe a clinic if it's really fancy.
c) Tack cleaner smudges. Totally not wearing the right outfit for that, oops!
d) Why is this something that people care about?
e) Any time I feel stressed. It's therapeutic.

5) When do you replace your tack?

a) Well last week the reins fell off the bridle, so I got a friend to sew them back on.
b) Only when it absolutely has to happen and then I look for sales.
c) The whole point of buying nice brands is so I DON'T HAVE TO REPLACE IT.
d) Uh, sometimes?
e) It has less to do with "replace" and more to do with "replenish"... You wouldn't understand.

Now give yourself :
1 point for a
2 for b
3 for c
4 for d
5 for e

And total them up!









Ok, here goes. If you scored:

how does this make you feel?

5-7: Congratulations! You are a Minimalist. You have what you have to have to do what you want to do. It doesn't make you less of a horseman, but you really have no clue what all the fuss is about.

8-12 You, my friend, are a Budget Bum. It's not so much about the tack as it is about getting a good deal on absolutely everything. Whether you buy your grain in bulk or snag your best deals at garage sales, you will never spend a penny more than you have to... and that is admirable, sort of. Maybe raise your standards?

13- 17 No doubt about it. You are a Clothes Horse. This is like a tack ho for people--as long as your horse looks fine, you're all about decking yourself out. Be your bad self. Rock that ROOTD. And please. Stop calling clothes tack. They're not.

photo of my Paddykins provided by Lauren at ShemovedtoTexas

18-21 BUSTED. You are a Linen Collector. Linens are nice. They are not tack. Bright side: you have nice linens. The only real question is how the hell do you find time to do all. that. laundry. (Seriously what the hell. Will you do mine?)

22-25 FULL TACK HO. My friend, I salute you. Now let's go SHOPPING.

So. What did you get?

Are You a Dressage Queen? Find Out Now.

A: Enter ______ _____

I describe myself as a person who does dressage (relatively poorly as best I can), not a dressage queen. I actually object when people try to slap the DQ label on me, and not just because I'm weird about personal space. There is a difference. To alleviate confusion, I have created a quiz that allows us to mathematically quantify your dressage queen status.

Here goes:

1) You're at a jumping clinic and a participant has a bad round. You say:

A) Are you yawning? You don't ride well enough to yawn.
B) Kick on!
C) How in the hell did I get to a jump clinic?
D) Well obviously she didn't have control of his shoulders and (blah blah blah) and (blah blah blah) and more dressage.

2) You're at a nice facility and there's someone there in all matching polos coordinated with their custom sheepskin half pad and dressage pad that matches their perfect brand name shirt and compliments their custom dress boots with subtle piping. You say:

A) That distracts from the beauty of the horse.
B)  I would have gone with blaze orange instead of pastel.
C) Needs something more.
D) Omg does she have the latest Mattes catalog? I'm due for a new outfit.


3) You're out and about and see a perfectly nice horse and rider with a long ponytail bouncing to the trot. You say:

A) No. No. No. WHERE IS HER HAIRNET YOU CANNOT RIDE AND HAVE HAIR.
B) Yeah, but she'll never make the time XC on that thing.
C) MOAR HAIRSPRAY FOR PERFECT CURLZ!!!
D) Who does her hair? It's great.

4) You're walking through a busy horse park, and someone goes past you on a nice, big moving horse, but you can't see the rider for the bling. You say:

A) ...  Bystander: "SOMEONE CALL 911 THERE'S BEEN A HEART ATTACK!!"
B) You don't want to blind the jump judge, stupid.
C) Needs fringe.
D) Yeah whatever honey. My tails have a bedazzled PATTERN on the back.

You're at a party. Your drink of choice is:

A) Drinks are like men. Don't take the first one that comes along.
B) Something hard and cheap because you need to get drunk fast.
C) Good American made beer, dammit.
D) Wine. Only red, only imported, only expensive.

Ok. Did you record your answers?

Give yourself 1 point for A, 2 for B, 3 for C, and 4 for D. 

If you scored:

photo via Dover Saddlery

5-9 - You're like George Morris. You're so far from a dressage queen that you probably ride hunters.

10-14 - You event. Just admit it.

15-18 - Mmmhmmm western pleasure is halfway there.

19-20 - CONGRATS. You, my dear, are the real deal. Embrace your inner Dressage Queen because trust me, everyone else in your life sees it already. ;-)

Be honest: What did you score?