Saturday, January 18, 2014

Moments in Time

6pm, January 15th
Showing up at Cuna's barn. He hobbles over to the fence to see me, but I know I can't do that to him any more

9am, January 16th
Choking out his name on the phone with the vet, sobbing as I realize it's his last day

10am
Wanting to stop at the grocery store and buy every carrot, apple, and peppermint they have on their shelves, but knowing I'd rather spend the time with him

10.15am
 Hoping against hope that everything will be ok. Seeing him standing in his drylot, in too much pain to walk over to the fence

10.30am
Stroking his baby-soft coat, laughing and crying as he is his goofy self one more time

11am
Loading him up for his last trailer ride

11.45
Waiting for the vet to come out as we stand together in the parking lot. If I pretend we're just here for another round of hock injections, it almost feels normal

12.00
Walking him back to his stall, my hand on his neck as he steps calmly beside me

12.15
Feeding him his last peppermints and watching him dig in to a flake of alfalfa, his favorite thing. Sobbing my eyes out. One more time, his big brown eyes tell me he's at peace and everything is going to be ok

4pm
Crying in Courage's mane. Thankful for everything and everyone that the old man brought into my life.

46 comments:

  1. My heart is breaking for you. He is the epitome of class - rest in peace Red Pony. The remaining red OTTBs have some very big shoes to fill.

    Hugs to you Aimee during this awful time. Please take some comfort in knowing you did your absolute best for Cuna, always putting him and his needs first.

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  2. Aimee, my heart breaks for you. You made the most selfless choice any person who has ever loved a horse will have to make. Cuna's memory lives on in this blog and in everyone who had the privilege of reading about your journey.

    I know it's not easy, but we are all here for you.

    *hugs*

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  3. Heartbreak. Hugs. So, so sorry :(

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  4. There are no words - you are in my thoughts.

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  5. I'm so sorry Aimee, you've had to make the hardest sefless decision. My heart breaks for you.
    Rest in Peace Cuna.
    #oneinamillion

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  6. No words can comfort you. Just know we are all here for you.

    Hugs and love!

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  7. Sending you love and hugs! :(

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  8. So sorry this had to happen. :'( Our thoughts are with you.

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  9. I am so sorry for your loss. Cuna was an awesome guy and so lucky to have you. Glad you have Courage to ease the pain a little (if that is possible).

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  10. Im so sorry! You made the hardest decision a horse person could ever make. I admire you. You did the best thing for your horse. Hugs!

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  11. Sending lots of love and jingles. You did the right thing. I'm so sorry.

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  12. You did the kindest and best thing for Cuna. I know he appreciates your selfless devotion to his care. He will live forever in the hearts and memories of everyone who knew him. Thank you for sharing his last moments with us, your words are a comfort to anyone who's ever had to make this decision.

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  13. That was so hard for you, I know. Cuna was so special. He touched so many of us during his time with you.

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  14. Lost one of my angels to laminitis. The day comes when you know they just can't go on any more. You were his kind guardian and I am sure he understood. He is at peace now and galloping happily in the green fields of heaven with my boy.

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  15. Such heartbreaking news. I'm so, so sorry. It's the hardest decision to make and the worst feeling ever and nothing but time heals it.

    You did the best thing for him though. Always know that.

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  16. I've been thinking of you and Cuna a lot today.

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  17. I am so so so so sorry for your loss. I know that Cuna had a great home and was loved so very much and know that you did what was best for him. He is now at peace.

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  18. I'm so sorry Aimee :( As hard as it is right now, just know that you made the right choice for your big red man, and know that he is no longer in pain. ((hugs))

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  19. So so sorry :( You had to make the hardest decision that all of us critter people must face on occasion. I've had to make it for smaller pets, and will do it if needed for my mares. It is the truest form of love we can show them - to let them be free from pain and suffering. Cuna was larger than life - and anyone who ever read your blog will remember him forever, myself included.

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  20. Tears in my eyes. My heart is breaking for you.

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  21. The only negative about blogging is that I cry every time a fellow blogger loses a horse, not just when we lose a horse in the local barn!
    I'm glad you were able to make the decision to free him from his pain, even if it hurts you now, that takes a lot of bravery. Know that we are all thinking of you during this hard time.

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  22. Heartbroken for you. Remember to take this time to remember that you gave him the best life he could have had. And I'm know he loved you for it.

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  24. Oh Aimee...I'm so, so sorry. You two found each other for a reason, and I don't even believe in fate. Let Courage help you during this awful time. You did right by each other. ((hugs))

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  25. I am so sorry. That is the hardest decision and one of the hardest days you will ever have. Remember all the wonderful moments that Cuna gave everyone around him.

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  26. I am so unspeakably sorry. He was the horse that carried you out of a traumatic time, and he carried you to a place of confidence and excitement. You gave him the love, respect, and care he needed and craved in his last years, and you took on his pain at the end. And Courage is there to keep his legacy alive, in your riding.

    Goodnight, sweet prince.

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  27. Sweet Cuna...it's the hardest losing the best ones. All I can offer is my sincere condolences and sorrow. I do think that was the best way for a noble boy to go. With dignity, love and not having to rush for that final decision due to a suffering emergency. I hope Courage continues to make you smile as do the memories of Cuna will in time. xxoo

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  28. so sad :( such a hard thing to go through, I'm so sorry to hear about it

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  29. So sorry, it is the hardest and most heartbreaking thing to do, to let your best friend go. Definitely keeping you in my thoughts ((hugs))

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  30. I'm so sorry. He was a very special horse and my heart breaks for you. Hugs to you and all who loved Cuna.

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  31. I've never commented here before, but I have been in your shoes, & it is never, ever easy to say goodbye to our horses. They are so special, & have such large spaces in our hearts.. I'm so, so sorry for your loss. You are in my thoughts.

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  32. I am crying for you and Cuna too. We never get enough time. <3

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  33. So very, very sorry, Aimee. Along with everyone else, I'm sending many virtual {hugs}.

    "No heaven can heaven be, if my horse isn't there to welcome me."

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    1. Just had to tell you that is the most beautiful photo I have ever seen of a beloved horse, to remember him by. It could not be more perfect and I'm so glad you have it.

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  34. This breaks my heart. I'm so sorry

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  35. I feel overwhelmed by so many emotions reading through these moments. Sadness and anger and helplessness. Life is so cruel and unfair sometimes. You were supposed to have years and years left with him. He truly was remarkable and his timing in your life underscores the magic of the universe. Sending you warm thoughts.

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  36. Oh gawd, this was a 5 kleenex post. I am soooo sorry, sweetie. So sorry. For you and for Cuna, as I know he would have liked to have stayed with you longer if he could have. Sug is turning 18 this month, and thoughts of how I will deal with this issue have been plaguing me -- don't know that I could handle it with the grace you have shown. My heart bleeds for you, Aimee, and you and your Old Man are in my thoughts.

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