Buckwild Breeches Review

I've seen a lot of ads for Buckwild breeches and I even goaded Leah into trying them on at Rolex last year. I did not try any on--nothing murders the self esteem quite like trying and failing to squeeze into some horrific piece of spandex in public.

Then Roxie's mom was like "hey I have these kickass pants that I super hate because of their overly sticky silicone full seats do you want?"

yes. yes i do want.

They're a gorgeous shade of teal with plaid full seats that have super sticky silicone on them. They wear like yoga pants--soft, comfy, and simple. They're a higher rise, which I very much appreciate as a long-waisted person. I will say that they don't do a lot for smoothing over the lumps and holding things in place, but maybe the fun colors distract from that? I dunno. I love them. They make me smile when I put them on.

zoom zoom baby mare!

I've kind of gone back and forth on these, which is why I haven't done a write up until now. They're like $130 full price, which is in range for nice breeches, buuuuuut I'm pretty cheap about buying stretchy pants. Plus my first pair was free. Plus the lumpy issue. Plus since they aren't uncomfortable to wear, how well are they really going to hold up? (My brain goes strange places sometimes, but I bet you've thought that too.)

Then this happened:

rad. purple. pants.

Yeah purple with multi color horsey full seats plus a sale (and I was waiting for test results on teeny dog). #yolo

this seems almost indecent

I think I ordered Saturday morning and had them in my hands Tuesday or Wednesday.

love

I will say--I wear ~34 breech normally and I ordered the XL from Buckwild. They're a little bit big for me and quite stretchy. I almost could have sized down. Definitely don't size up.

one day i will get good pictures. one day.

I mean. They're a look, don't get me wrong. If you have very conservative sensibilities, these are probably not the stretchy pants for you. (But also if you have very conservative sensibilities, you started throwing up in your mouth when you saw this post title and maybe this isn't the post for you either.)

But also. They are so comfortable. They're super fun. They're a nice, lightweight fabric that will wear well in summer without being too hot. I really like the sock bottoms on these--comfortable without being uncomfortably tight.

look baby ZB!

They wear a bit like a dressed-up riding tight--there is a zipper and snap and belt loops, but the comfort level is pretty unbeatable.

Would I wear them in a clinic? Well. Yes. But also I have a rainbow bit and a steampunk browband and I believe in having fun and making my own traditions. YMMV on that particular issue.

Life's too short to be boring. Go buckwild!

Disclosures: my free pair had everything to do with having fantastic friends and nothing to do with the company. I paid the sale price for the purple ones and I don't regret a cent. I'd be surprised if I didn't end up with another pair of these.

UPDATE: If you're a budget-fun-colors-breeches type (like me), you're probably comparing them with Smartpak Piper breeches. In short, the Pipers have a more substantial fabric that smoothes over lumps much better. HOWEVER. The Pipers also have that killer crotch sag (wtf why can't they can't just fix that) and even the mid-rise pipers give me a MAD muffin top. Not attractive. The Buckwild breeches hit me in a much more flattering place and I'm happy wearing them around rather than constantly trying to bury myself in layers and creatively crop photos.

It Went Shopping

It's been a stressful... while... and as I'm sure y'all assumed, I weathered that storm with my usual coping mechanism of buying all the shit I could find. It started out innocuously enough: Lindsey pointed out that smartpak had a killer deal on my favorite breeches, so I bought two pairs because they don't last the longest.

This was like the day before Thanksgiving.

Then what happened... hm... Peony listed a set of Le Mieux bell boots and I wanted to give them a whirl.

pictured with mini-Courage

And then Amanda started hyping the If the Bonnet Fits BOGO Black Friday sale. I'm a sucker for bonnets, but I can't even count the number of black and navy bonnets I have right now, so if I did it, I needed something different, you know? I came up with one (custom, undisclosed) design on my own and made husband-of-the-year go through an extensive ITBF photo album until we found the perfect design for C. (Noted: hubs didn't even get annoyed. The man is a wonder.)

yeah want it need it hurry up already

But then I had colors on the brain so I stole this whole Le Mieux outfit from C's auntie Crystal:

FANCEH

It looked so fantastic that auntie Crystal bought him his own outfit. (Hey look! Something I didn't buy!)

I was having some attacks of conscience over the amount of $ spent though, so I listed a bunch of things I didn't need any more and Jodi contacted me to offer to trade TSF girths since we each had the size the other needed.

so anatomic!

Of course, around this time I got completely walloped in a car accident so I actually haven't put said girth on said horse since receiving it, but dammit I know I could. If I could lift the saddle. We'll see. Whilst lying on the couch suffering/recuperating, I received this super fantastic blogger secret santa present from Stacie, along with tiny candy canes and hot cocoa mix and lovely festive wrapping!

so cool. so blue!

When I finally peeled myself off the couch for a pre-Christmas outing, I ended up coming home with this fantastic monster sweater for teeny dog!

so badass

Ok yes this is a horse blog and y'all don't care about my dogs but OMG HES TEENY AND WEARING A MONSTER SWEATER.

Whatever. My goal is to be the crazy teeny dog lady when I'm old.

Anyways, then my blog stickers showed up (which means if you wanted some and I haven't told you I mailed them to you, contact me and I will).

stickers!

And my dad got me a sportsball-themed halter and lead rope for Christmas, so I snagged a matching santa hat for C and did a sportsball photo shoot.

are we cute or what?

 And then Riding Warehouse had a site-wide 20% off sale which included the new Majyk Equipe dressage boots. If you're over here like "wtf SB last time you put Majyk Equipe boots on C, he completely lost his shit", then yes, we're on the same page. But I bought them because they were purple and I wanted them.

plus they were $55/set with free shipping

 But as we all know, one purple thing requires another. I have very marked preferences in saddle pads and that preference is Ogilvy. Well, technically my favorite is the flannel Mattes, but I loathe and despise the foam Mattes which is way more common and both Mattes are 2x the cost of Ogilvy, so Ogilvy it is.

hullo

 The point is, there's some seller who has a few colors of brand new dressage Ogilvy pads on eBay and one of those colors contained purple to match our new outfit. Plus, when I put all the purple things on C, he was fantastic and apparently completely forgot how much he used to hate non-slip liners in boots. Maybe he was holding out for purple?

sexy

In non-purple news, I also tracked down a set of Vienna reins (that you've already seen), ordered some sparkles that you will see when they show up, and possibly have been sitting here waiting for a biggish-ticket item that I ordered over a month ago and the shipping gods only saw fit to release a couple days ago. Oh and another thing. Not including the things I got for other people. And possibly some things I forgot.

and this other thing. and maybe a fauxssoa.

In case you're keeping track, the number of times I've ridden since getting any of these things is 0. And my PT says I'm still grounded. But dammit, I'm so ready.

Quick Reviews: Show Equipment

There are lots of bloggers who write lots of helpful product reviews. Those things are super helpful if I'm shopping and super boring if I'm not. In the interst of being as non-boring as possible, here are some quick product reviews of some new stuff I used at the show.

1) FITS Zephyr Dressage Coat review

I found this on clearance for $100 and snagged it because I really, really wanted a four silver button coat with piping and something washable, stretchy, and breathable. This coat checks all the boxes. Wearing dark colors in the sun is wearing dark colors in the sun, but it was bearable, reasonably flattering, and actually fit my ridiculous ape arms. I have never liked a show coat before and I'm not sure I plan to start now, but for $100, I am very pleased.

2) Ogilvy Dressage Profile Pad review

I'm pretty sure both of my ogilvy pads are this model. Regardless, love love love this pad. Fits perfectly on C under my 18" dressage saddle and large Mattes half pad. Never moves, never wrinkles, never rubs. Thick enough to hold it's shape, thin enough to wash well. I wish all my saddle pads were ogilvy.

still going strong in our last test

3) Charles Owen Sparkle JR8 review

I've had this helmet for a while now but haven't worn it much once it broke in because I wanted to save it for shows/clinics/photo shoots.

Love it. I mean, it's just a spruced up JR8, so it's not all fancy and upgraded like other things on the market. I had a jr8 I loved for a couple years and I'm fine with the features and price point. It definitely stands out. I got a ton of compliments and if there were haters, they kept it to themselves. I will say the sparkle game is strong in the dressage crowd, so I wasn't the only one with a shiny helmet.

4) Horze Crescendo Kiana Breeches review

I hate hate hate wearing white breeches, so I didn't own any. I ended up with these through a trade on facebook. The detailing is cute and the fabric isn't see through.

I tried them one once a few months back and then wore them both days for the show. They held up great, didn't give me saggy ass, and smoothed things out reasonably well. I would buy these again no question.

There are some glaring holes in my wardrobe going forward--I need acceptable show gloves (realized morning of that everything I own is blue or brown) and I really need a good stock pin. Preferably with sparkles. I also want custom dress boots but LULZ $$$. Oh and a garment bag (and boot bag!) is starting to sound incredibly useful. Ideas?

Teach Me Tuesday: Breeches and Grip

Here's a funny thing: two different trainers I've worked with have informed me they only ride in kneepatch breeches (one eventer, one dressage). Specifically, they don't want their seat to stick to the saddle in case they need to move around.

re using this shit cuz i'm not retaking a mirror selfie

I'm not really one to make choices based on what my trainers ride in. I mean, I'm not a pro, I don't ride 10 horses a day, and I'll definitely take whatever advantage I can get.

But I'm trying to change a very-confirmed jumper seat to a somewhat ok dressage seat and guess what?

just me and my shadow. and my horse. and photographer. etc.

I totally can't do it in full seat breeches. They stick me to the saddle (even a slick english-made saddle) and then when I'm out of position, I can't get back to where I want to be.

So what's it for you? Knee patch? Full seat? Riding tights? Leggings? Jeans?

Equine Oscars: Fashion Awards

IT'S OSCAR SEASON (more or less). As someone who rarely watches movies and gives no shits about celebrity gossip, I can absolutely assure you that the BEST part of this time of the year is the best/worst dressed lists. I may hate dressing up, but I love all the pretty pictures. And let's be real: the bad ones are the best.

Ladies and (maybe?) Gents, today I'm bringing you this year's winners for "worst possible clothing ideas". Manufacturers, I salute you for your efforts to put forward interesting and innovative ideas. Some of those ideas are brilliant. Some are mediocre and repetitive.

Neither of those things are included on this list.

This list is for the things so unique and so bad that I cannot even comprehend why anyone ever thought they were a good idea, much less slapped a label on them and then thought that a same human being would buy them.

Without further ado, let's look at the worst of the worst of equestrian fashion!

From the bottom up:

BOOTS

Boots are hardly a fashion statement when equestrian life includes sclepping large amounts of real and metaphorical shit through mud, dust, and sand, right? Boots are needed. Boots are life. Is it even possible to screw boots up?

Dublin answered that question with a resounding YES. Meet the horrific plastic shiney red non-space boots that people were somehow supposed to ride in. I mean, if your skin didn't break out in hives just looking at them, think about the total lack of breathability. And your feet. And anerobic bacteria. Ladies and gentlemen, meet the first boots that it's possible to get a venereal disease from without even doing anything weird.

No wonder these were only ever made once and never re-released. Special edition my ass.

Speaking of asses, let's talk BREECHES!! 

Breeches are important. There is no denying that riding is a leg sport and what we put over our legs is critically important. Modern technology (and elastic!) have completely revolutionized the riding-pants market. But hey. There's lots of asses and lots of ideas and is it even possible to make one idea any more universally wrong than those gross old mushroom pants? (You know what I'm talking about.)

YES Romfh says. YES. This thing is so wrong that it can never be right! We can debate all day whether plaid is slimming (it's not) or whether it looks good on curvy girls (it doesn't) or whether they should wear it anyways (ehhhhhh no thanks), but one thing we can all universally agree on: no one needs baroque wallpaper on their ass. Ever. They didn't even do that in the baroque period and those guys thought this shit up in the first place.

Ew.

Let's just go straight to SHIRTS.

But wait!! Patterned shirts are much less revealing (in bad ways) and much more cute! Who can hate on patterned shirts?! (Well, I can. But they're not the worst.)

No. Shirts have evolved a lot in the past years. We have tech material (super cool), venting (amazing), stretchy stuff (love), and all kinds of fashion knowledge to put to use. I mean, WAL MART makes tech shirts now. If they can do it, how can a much cooler company screw it up?

So, so badly. I'm not familiar with Cavalleria Toscana, and at this point, I don't want to be. Whether you call this a "generous maternity shirt for ocoto-mom", a "reverse dickie", or just plain "in poor taste" (or whether you string all those together and create a new genre), you've pretty well got it nailed. There is no part of this that is not a terrible idea, which is why I have to use a double negative to describe it.

But SB, you're saying, no one sees our shirts! We have STOCK TIES!!

Dun dun dun!

Yes we do.

We can argue all day about the pros and cons of stock ties in a supposedly-athletic endeavor. I mean, I buy the part about tourniquets out hunting, but that presupposes 1) you are not in an arena on a show grounds with an ambulance (where else do you personally wear a stock tie?) and 2) OH YEAH THAT YOU AREN'T A LAZY BASTARD WITH A PRE-TIED MODEL.

Which you are.

Yup. Clocking in at nearly $50+shipping, this beauty screams "I'M AN ATHLETE NOT A SLAVE-OWNING VICTORIAN RACIST". Wait no. I got that backwards. Plantation owners, rejoice! Your ruffly poor taste is now enshrined in modern dressage. As a statement. Of god knows what. Egads.

I mean really! All athletes need these. o.0

But for real. Athletes need helmets and who can hate on HELMETS?

I mean. As a modern equestrian who likes my non-vegetative state, I am absolutely 100% in favor of helmets. I may think it's a bit ridiculous to shell out for $900 Antares/Samshield custom job, but people spend money on all kinds of shit I don't have, and bully for them. Right?

But then I saw this monstrosity:

Not only does this chrome dome clock in at $708 American dollars BEFORE shipping from overseas (oh yes), it's also made by KEP, of 900facebookpony fame. You remember that whole saga? Haha! If you buy expensive helmets, you should: KEP basically manufactures high-priced low-tech head-grenades, in that their helmets fall apart with precious little provocation and actually don't protect your precious grey matter from anything. Not impacts. Not dust. You would literally be better off bare headed.

Damn son.

Damn.

These aren't just items with a worse-than-average shelf appeal. Each one of these is specially-crafted to a level of horrible-ness that I'm not sure I wanted to know existed.

What do you think? Did I miss something? Include your favorite item? There's always more than one worst dressed list to go around!!

Teach Me Tuesday: Expensive Pants

all of a sudden, this pic is so risque

As I got ready for my first ride in the clinic a week ago, I realized that my thigh felt cold and kind of wet when I put my breeches on. Weird, right? Then I checked why.

No, I hadn't wet myself. (JUDGY PANTS=OFF)

Actually, I could literally see through the full seat material in my Piper breeches. Nuts.

back when they were newer

I received these breeches on 4/13/15 and by 11/14/15, they were on their last usage. Now, in fairness, I only own two pairs of full seats, so they were in the rotation a lot more than the kneepatch breeches (which have not worn through), but it also means that one pair of pants lasted 7 months.

That is not a lot of months.

So.

Talk to me about expensive pants. How long do your breeches last? What do you pay for them? How often do you ride?

It's Meme Time!

Sometimes I process the world by creating meme pictures. Here's a smattering of what's going on lately:

I don't know why kittens are so enormously meme-able, but that's how it works out. Pony weekend going on now, so expect lots more awesome fails in the near future!

Review of Three Budget-Friendly Breeches

breeches make a difference

I may be a tack ho of the best variety, but that does not extend to the breech collection. It KILLS ME to pay $200+ for pants that I will wear out in the sun and rain and mud and snow and destroy. Kills me. I can't do it.

I'm told that more expensive pants wear better, but I'm pretty sure the law of diminishing returns comes in to play in a hurry. Plus it seems that people who are most impressed by durability actually do the least things, you know? Like "omg these breeches lasted me 10 years!" but they only ride one horse for 20 minutes twice a week.

Full disclosure: I spent the past couple years working in a pro situation, which meant 8+ hour days on the regular, all in breeches. I'm currently LOVING the ammy life and I ride my one horse 5-6x a week and do practically no barn chores.

I want a breech to be stretchy enough to not unduly restrict me, firm enough that any unacceptable lumps are smoothed out, durable enough that I can use them for 1-2 years, AREN'T LOW RISE, are front zip, and have sock bottoms. Need normal rise. Hate velcro bottoms. Don't need hips looking wider/more awkward (here's looking at you, side zip).

Tredstep breeches in action

Bachelor #1: Tredstep Symphony Nero Breech in smokie pearl

List price: $89.95
What I paid: ~$75

I was in desperate need of breeches last year and hit a 20% off sale at Bit of Britain. I like Tredstep half chaps, the breeches were well reviewed, and I needed SOMETHING.

I'm normally a 34, I got the 34 and they fit fine. These breeches have a nice sock bottom and an ok rise. The color is fine. They are definitely pants.

That said, they are my least favorite breeches of the lot. The fabric doesn't really have any give to it, which means it's constantly pulling at my knees. It "stretches" out quickly and looks unattractive. The breeches slide down even with a belt on. And despite being stiff and uncomfortable, they really don't flatter anything. I guess the durability is fine, in that I only use them when I desperately need to do laundry, so they're unlikely to wear out soon.

I would not buy these again. It's possible the top fo the line tredsteps are much improved, but if you can't impress me at $90, I'm not shelling out $200.

Equine Couture in action

Bachelor #2: Equine Couture Brittni Knee Patch Breeches in chocolate

List price: $89.95
What I paid: ~$75

These are the product of the same Bit of Britain sale. I basically picked things with a price I could stomach and color I could deal with and clicked order.

Again, got 34 and the 34 fit fine. These breeches also have a sock bottom. It's double layered and doesn't really have a seam at the bottom, which makes them smooth under paddock boots, but it's a minor PITA to put on. Not a deal breaker.

I actually quite like these breeches--they smooth what needs smoothing, give where it matters, and look sharp day in and day out. They don't sag or wear strangely and I really love the grippy silicone knee patch thingy. It grips without making me hotter, which is fantastic.

That said. They are low rise. Not the lowest rise ever, but HELLOOOOOOO MUFFIN TOP. You'll note I only ever wear them with baggy shirts because wow yeah, no one needs to see that. If you are a short-waisted low-rise-loving person, these are the pants for you.

I might buy these again, but I wouldn't pay full price. They do come in nice colors. They have also started to pill somewhat, but since they work twice as hard at the Tredsteps (at least), I'm not too concerned.

sadly no fantastic in action shots yet

Bachelor #3: Smartpak Equine Piper Knee Patch Breeches in ALL THE COLORS

List price: $79.95
What I paid: ~$64

I'm the queen of the 20% off sale. What can I say? Even with cheap breeches, I can't stomach full price.

I have reviewed the Piper breeches before. I kind of liked them. After I wrote the initial review, I liked them less because I was working in a barn and the pipers definitely have a crotch sag issue (no bueno) and they wore out pretty fast.

old pipers in action

But hey! That was almost two years ago.

So here's the updated review.

I LOVE LOVE LOVE the colors. Who doesn't? Fun colors, good price point. My objection to the old fasteners is gone--they covered the painful metal things with fabric and it's all good there.

The Pipers hit every single one of my must have list in breeches--the rise actually works for my long-waisted self, the sock bottoms are spot on, etc.

So what's not to like?

another old piper shot.

Well, the crotch sag is still a thing. It doesn't matter when I'm riding because obviously there's a whole horse+saddle to hold them up. Since my habits no longer include long working barn days, I'm not really concerned about it. And yeah, they'll wear out eventually, but again, riding one horse means that I'm not putting a ton of wear on them.

I will also say that while this fabric is fantastic for the first few hours, it does sort of stretch out and look less flattering after a while on long days. It snaps back when you wash it, but if you're an industry pro, I wouldn't choose these breeches.

As a one horse adult ammy, I pretty much love them.

also not buying more of these

As a size 34, I don't expect breeches to make me look like a 24. I just want them not to make it worse. Maybe someday I'll cave and buy really, truly expensive breeches. Until then, I remain the budget breeches queen and I am not ashamed.

So there you have it. Three kinds of breeches under $100 each. It can be done.