Equine Oscars: Fashion Awards

IT'S OSCAR SEASON (more or less). As someone who rarely watches movies and gives no shits about celebrity gossip, I can absolutely assure you that the BEST part of this time of the year is the best/worst dressed lists. I may hate dressing up, but I love all the pretty pictures. And let's be real: the bad ones are the best.

Ladies and (maybe?) Gents, today I'm bringing you this year's winners for "worst possible clothing ideas". Manufacturers, I salute you for your efforts to put forward interesting and innovative ideas. Some of those ideas are brilliant. Some are mediocre and repetitive.

Neither of those things are included on this list.

This list is for the things so unique and so bad that I cannot even comprehend why anyone ever thought they were a good idea, much less slapped a label on them and then thought that a same human being would buy them.

Without further ado, let's look at the worst of the worst of equestrian fashion!

From the bottom up:

BOOTS

Boots are hardly a fashion statement when equestrian life includes sclepping large amounts of real and metaphorical shit through mud, dust, and sand, right? Boots are needed. Boots are life. Is it even possible to screw boots up?

Dublin answered that question with a resounding YES. Meet the horrific plastic shiney red non-space boots that people were somehow supposed to ride in. I mean, if your skin didn't break out in hives just looking at them, think about the total lack of breathability. And your feet. And anerobic bacteria. Ladies and gentlemen, meet the first boots that it's possible to get a venereal disease from without even doing anything weird.

No wonder these were only ever made once and never re-released. Special edition my ass.

Speaking of asses, let's talk BREECHES!! 

Breeches are important. There is no denying that riding is a leg sport and what we put over our legs is critically important. Modern technology (and elastic!) have completely revolutionized the riding-pants market. But hey. There's lots of asses and lots of ideas and is it even possible to make one idea any more universally wrong than those gross old mushroom pants? (You know what I'm talking about.)

YES Romfh says. YES. This thing is so wrong that it can never be right! We can debate all day whether plaid is slimming (it's not) or whether it looks good on curvy girls (it doesn't) or whether they should wear it anyways (ehhhhhh no thanks), but one thing we can all universally agree on: no one needs baroque wallpaper on their ass. Ever. They didn't even do that in the baroque period and those guys thought this shit up in the first place.

Ew.

Let's just go straight to SHIRTS.

But wait!! Patterned shirts are much less revealing (in bad ways) and much more cute! Who can hate on patterned shirts?! (Well, I can. But they're not the worst.)

No. Shirts have evolved a lot in the past years. We have tech material (super cool), venting (amazing), stretchy stuff (love), and all kinds of fashion knowledge to put to use. I mean, WAL MART makes tech shirts now. If they can do it, how can a much cooler company screw it up?

So, so badly. I'm not familiar with Cavalleria Toscana, and at this point, I don't want to be. Whether you call this a "generous maternity shirt for ocoto-mom", a "reverse dickie", or just plain "in poor taste" (or whether you string all those together and create a new genre), you've pretty well got it nailed. There is no part of this that is not a terrible idea, which is why I have to use a double negative to describe it.

But SB, you're saying, no one sees our shirts! We have STOCK TIES!!

Dun dun dun!

Yes we do.

We can argue all day about the pros and cons of stock ties in a supposedly-athletic endeavor. I mean, I buy the part about tourniquets out hunting, but that presupposes 1) you are not in an arena on a show grounds with an ambulance (where else do you personally wear a stock tie?) and 2) OH YEAH THAT YOU AREN'T A LAZY BASTARD WITH A PRE-TIED MODEL.

Which you are.

Yup. Clocking in at nearly $50+shipping, this beauty screams "I'M AN ATHLETE NOT A SLAVE-OWNING VICTORIAN RACIST". Wait no. I got that backwards. Plantation owners, rejoice! Your ruffly poor taste is now enshrined in modern dressage. As a statement. Of god knows what. Egads.

I mean really! All athletes need these. o.0

But for real. Athletes need helmets and who can hate on HELMETS?

I mean. As a modern equestrian who likes my non-vegetative state, I am absolutely 100% in favor of helmets. I may think it's a bit ridiculous to shell out for $900 Antares/Samshield custom job, but people spend money on all kinds of shit I don't have, and bully for them. Right?

But then I saw this monstrosity:

Not only does this chrome dome clock in at $708 American dollars BEFORE shipping from overseas (oh yes), it's also made by KEP, of 900facebookpony fame. You remember that whole saga? Haha! If you buy expensive helmets, you should: KEP basically manufactures high-priced low-tech head-grenades, in that their helmets fall apart with precious little provocation and actually don't protect your precious grey matter from anything. Not impacts. Not dust. You would literally be better off bare headed.

Damn son.

Damn.

These aren't just items with a worse-than-average shelf appeal. Each one of these is specially-crafted to a level of horrible-ness that I'm not sure I wanted to know existed.

What do you think? Did I miss something? Include your favorite item? There's always more than one worst dressed list to go around!!

HO BOY SHOW PLANS

Well. This is it. The year I've been planning for.

And yes, now that I've said that, I fully 100% realize that my life is from here out jinxed.

Last year, Courage and I hit the event derby series and garnered a GIANT year end award, which was a serious bucket list item for me. I'd love to repeat that at crossrails this year, BUT the whole goal of the last year was to get Courage going as a dressage horse and get him exposed to shows

SO THAT

we could show at first level this year.

Gulp.

And get our bronze medal scores.

Double gulp.

so much dressage

SO. Here's what my tentative schedule looks like for now (the local calendar is not yet complete, so some dates are invented.):

April 

(hopefully a schooling show in April--failing that, we will haul somewhere to do a lesson and get him out)

THEN

May 7-8 Spring dressage show at OUAH. First 1 and probably first 3. This is a non-recognized outing that will hopefully give us that first level feel. And also hopefully not completely freak us out. I want to do both days and really work on my test riding/show warm up to learn what I need to do for the best results possible.

We will then skip the AMAZING AND EXCITING sounding cool new derby the next weekend because A) I only have so much money and B) I need to not wear Courage out completely because then... KIDDING WE WILL DO IT CUZ I CANT DECIDE

May 21-22 Idaho Dressage Festival! Probably first 1 and 3 as well. This is our big hurrah--USDF recognized and all. Need all the $$$ memberships and I really don't want to know how much this will cost me. I plan to stable on the grounds and hopefully not completely lose my marbles.

Ok once that's over with...

June 11-12 League Dressage show at AEB. Again, probably first 1 and 3 unless we're failing a lot or I feel a burning urge to do 2. This is also run concurrently with an event derby that we could cross enter into. Crossrails? Maybe.

June 17-19 Boise River Dressage at OUAH. I need to do some research here. I'm tempted to do the opportunity classes because they count towards league show year end points, but I'll also have all my memberships and could show recognized. I really need to find out if I don't get my Bronze scores in May if I could try to get them here. I don't know and that would change how I approach this show.

this post needs satin

Looks like we'll decompress in July (which is good because the summer doldrums are real), then head on into August:

August 6-7 League dressage show in Filer. Again, this depends. It's a 2+ hour drive and if I haven't done the other league shows, it's probably not worth it. On the other hand, any chance at year-end swag sounds good to me. We'll see where I'm at and how broke I am.

September: There's a cheaper-but-crazy jumper show on the 10th or a spendier-but-nice jumper show on the 24th. If Courage is jumping well and I'm feeling up to it, we might hit one of these. I really like the timing here--we'll have had all summer to get going and see if jumping is something we can do well this year or not.

October 1-2 Fall league dressage show at AEB. First level tests. This is being run concurrently with the derby series we did last year, which makes me think about cross entering. We will see, but it's unlikely my budget will support chasing two different year end awards in two different sports. Maybe. Maybe. I do love swag.

and friends with satin

Haha the more I write, the more I want to try and do the derbies too. I really can't justify the one in May--it's right before our big big show and I don't want Courage to be tired headed in to that.

Or do I? I DON'T KNOW. Obviously, this whole thing is flexible. A lot of my scheduling is going to depend on getting more answers as to how the league shows work and how the bronze scores go and if I think I have a shot at a local year end award at first level recognized (lol a girl can dream) or if the league is really where it's at for us this year.

So. I will figure out memberships and awards and STUFF and try to get this firmed up. GAH NOW SO NERVOUS.

And just because I need to put this out there: Courage and I had incredible success at intro and training level last year. I realize that doesn't/isn't/won't translate straight across to kicking all the ass at first level this year, especially as we try to move up in terms of both level and quality of competition. All my talk about year end awards is just because winning one was SO MUCH FUN and I'd never done it before and it would be mind-blowingly-amazing to pull off a repeat.

Doesn't mean I think we're in contention. Not even close.

but it sure is inspiring

9 Pictures to Capture the Clinic Experience

Don't worry--I'll include words so this isn't one of those god-awful wordless Wednesday posts I refuse to read.

Sweet Riding Warehouse swag from winning Olivia's contest. So excited to wear pink. Yes on my gelding. He's fabulous.

That's not what a hock is supposed to look like.

Sharing coffee with redheadlins for motivation.

lil Good Juju since we dressaged in the jump bridle as per instructions.

yeah can't wear pink polos with this. sob.

bright side: this noseband is to-die-for

workin' it in black BOT polos (all good pics by Alyssa)

pretty much my favorite pic right now

total clinic hangover in full effect on Tuesday

I feel like I should have something more brilliant to say, but mostly I'm like "lulz so since I'm too tired to think straight, I thought a good idea was to sign up for a schooling show on my onesies tonight." Yeah memorizing that new test is going to go GREAT. I can just tell.

Haha. Anyways. Wish us luck! The judge hates us, but at least maybe Courage doesn't know we're going, so we can skip a round of self-mutilation? I can only hope.

Dressage Show, Round 3

open trailer, insert horse

Our area has these really cool schooling dressage shows on Wednesday nights once a month. You literally pay $10/test, do whatever USEA or USDF test you want, and get a score. There are no prizes and it's super informal, but it's fantastic exposure for green horses and nervous riders and HELLOOO SIGN US UP.

Courage had very little show experience up to this year, so I'm pretty much just taking him anywhere a trailer goes from our barn. We signed up for training 1 and 2 this month, mostly on the logic that I didn't want to memorize any more tests.

other horses!

There were definitely things to be happy about--Courage loaded (THREE TIMES, long story) very politely and was fine on and off the trailer. He unloaded like a champ. He was a pro in the warm up.

Honestly, he hasn't been forward lately. I was counting on the whole new place/show atmosphere to spice him up a little, but no. He's a trooper now. Forward is a training problem. I need to fix it.

watching one of his harem show

The last time we did this show, Courage about dumped me and we were lucky to skate through intro b and c. The judge was appropriately harsh about how I never got him forward then, but I was prepared this time.

I was confident in my tests. Courage was on the bit and more forward than he's been all week. The contact was steady, he was reasonably flexible, and he definitely wore his game face in the arena, even if he was a bit looky loo outside it.

so cute

I not only remembered to ride--I was on it. I was like "BEND MORE" and "LEG ON" and "STRETCH IT OUT BITCH" and yeah, he did everything I asked. My circles weren't 100% perfect, but they were probably the best I've ever done them.

We did our tests directly in a row. Training 1 felt good. For training 2, I asked for a little more of everything. Courage responded. He was more forward. Better balanced. More stretchy. Better everything. To me, it felt several points better than our 67% winning ride with the same test at a recognized show.

I told Courage he was a good boy, put him away, and got my tests.

Training 1: 63%

That seemed in range--she's a tough judge and it was a good but not brilliant ride.

Training 2: 58%

I really can't explain.

I can't.

Courage gives 0 shits except maybe a runny one on the trailer

I'm trying hard not to have a meltdown over it because I realize it's just one opinion in a sea of many others. Plus we scored nothing below a 5 or over a 7, so we were consistent. Plus she's a tough judge.

This is the hard part of learning a new discipline--my feel is way off and I don't know how to fix it. I guess there's going to be a lot of video watching (and clinic auditing) in my future as I try to figure this all out.

PS And for those of you saying "there are harder things in T2 than T1, we actually nailed the stretch circle, which is the only new thing.)

ALL THE HORSE SHOWS

only decent media from the show. sorry.

Show #2 of 2015 is officially in the books! We hit a little local schooling dressage show where you literally pick you own test and sort of just go whenever you're ready. There are no ribbons (since anyone can do any test) and there's no pressure.

I know I said I can't expect to be absolutely perfect for every show this year, but not gonna lie, I was hoping he'd do it again.

Eh, no.

He had a little over an hour to just hang out after we arrived and while he started kind of wild-eyed, he settled in pretty quickly. Then I tack up and hopped on.

He was perfectly fine for a green horse at his second show this year, which is to say he was tense and a bit unfocused. I tried to just keep calm and ride smoothly without getting him riled up with too many hard things too close together.

It seemed to mostly work.

looking so perfect at the derby last weekend

Then the judge was ready for us, so we went to make our circuit around the outside of the dressage court. We were about 3/4 of the way around (and the farthest away from his friends) when he spun out from under me so fast that I nearly slipped off. Then I was like "I WILL NOT HAVE MY FIRST FALL OFF THIS HORSE AT THIS PARTICULAR SHOW" and shimmied back into the saddle as we gallop-leaped (it's his favorite gait) back around the arena, past the judge, and almost into the laps of some friendly eventers.

Fun fact: at home, he wears a martingale so that when he tries this stunt, I can be all "HEAD DOWN BITCH" and I still have some leverage. We left it at home because it's dressage... whoops.

Anyways. I was actually not that shaken up, which is a bit surprising. The judge was like "um are you ok?" and I'm like "yeah sure why not". She let one of our friends (on a non-green horse) go stand in the spooky spot on the side of the arena. They tell me birds flew up. I saw nothing and don't believe in spooking at birds anyways.

need to channel this ride

Regardless.

We muddled our way through intro B first. I rode better than I would have last year or even earlier this spring, but it wasn't great. I let Courage be kind of artificially soft and never rode him forward. We got all 5s and 6s with one 7 for our last centerline. I thought the judge was kind in the collectives though--she dinged us hard for not moving forward, but gave me another 7 for riding. Advantage of almost jumping her? I guess.

We re-grouped while another rider went. I literally just did walk transitions (free walk to working walk) for a few minutes and never trotted him. That maybe wasn't the best plan for improving scores, but I'm trying to teach him that shows aren't hard or stressful so maybe? I dunno.

Anyways. I felt a bit better about intro C (and our friend was safely parked in the scary spot again). We NAILED our first centerline (EIGHT!!), and then sort of putzed around without riding forward into much of a contact. That said, it was our first ever cantering test and the canter was a total non-issue. I hadn't even asked for a canter in the warm up, but he nailed it in the ring. I'm also massively failing at geometry, which is embarrassing.

Again, mostly 5s and 6s for not ever going forward with one seven for (get this) our right lead canter transitions. I only got a 6.5 for riding because I had a better horse to ride the second test, but I didn't ride him better.

Oops.

Still, our first ever dressage show. Courage's first ever busy warm up. My riding near-miss, and we walked about with a 57 (B) and a 58 (C). The scores are definitely fair, but now I'm just itching to improve them. I'm going to geometry boot camp.

PS My apologies for the total lack of relevant media. I also have a picture of C hanging out because his best girl was in full on raging heat and he thinks he's a stallion, but it didn't seem blog-appropriate. so here it is you pervs.

Schooling Show: Not as Planned

Right before he tried to kill her

Last week, I was freaking out about signing up for the Very Expensive Clinic, and I decided to help calm my nerves by scheduling one last round of bodywork for Courage and signing up for a little schooling show where we could run through intro B and C and hopefully have one last positive, off-property experience before embarrassing ourselves in front of all of local dressage land. 

The good/bad news about the bodywork was that Courage REALLY needed it. We have a new plan of action for him and I'm optimistic. Sort of. 

See, it looks like every time we have a meltdown about turning right (yeah, more of that) it's actually a pain issue related to a low back issue related to 6 years of racing. We can fix it and build correct muscle.

Yeah. Good thing I never liked my bank account anyways. TTFN, dolla billz! 

but he's really shiny

So anyways. After all that and a day off, I showed up after work to prep for our little schooling show. And naturally, my usually clean horse was completely soaked in urine. 

Sooooooo I hosed him off.

And found fresh blood on his side right under where my leg should go. 

Horses. I swear. 

Since my trainer was taking two other horses that she had to ride one after the other, I left Courage at home and went to the show to play with this lovely thing:

She's a 12 (?) year old holsteiner mare doing 4th level with my dressage trainer. I piddled around the warm up with her in a double bridle. It was super fun, but probably hilarious to watch. I had no ideas what buttons to push and I could barely get her to walk a straight line. We had some sweet lateral work at the walk, some maybe ok trot and a fun but entirely accidental canter. 

I'm going to pretend my complete lack of skills came from having to stay in the top of the arena, so the greenie my trainer was on wouldn't think she was getting abandoned, but LOL. Yeah really it's just that I don't know how to push dressage buttons. 

Anyways. After the greenie went, I switched horses with my trainer and then ambled around on the greenie, a Friesian X. She was nervous but manageable and I probably looked a lot more appropriate on her anyways. 

And that's the story of how Courage did not get one last outing before our big clinic, but I still feel more confident and prepared. 

A little bit.

Maybe.

A Study in Forward 3: Dressage Phase

FIRST DRESSAGE EVER

Sunday morning bright and early, we hauled in to the show facility. Courage has always been a great hauler and I wasn't at all concerned about how he'd react. I was still thinking I was on life plan A, wherein we were prepping to ride with Hawley Bennett and had been hitting every little show all spring, plus done two more clinic days by now.

Unfortunately, I'm living life plan B, wherein my car exploded and I bought a new one which sucked up my show budget I then I was kind of depressed about that (and poor) and haven't really done anything other than a trail ride recently.

Teeny tiny strides

So there's that. Courage came off the trailer like a giraffe on crack, complete with screaming and jigging and acting like a loon. I hand walked him out to the grass dressage warm up, thinking that he'd stop and eat.

Or you know, rear and paw the air and scream like the freaking black stallion. I practiced my good old fashioned race track skills and got him back on the ground without escalating the situation, but it was sort of a subtle clue that things might not go the way I planned.

Once he settled in on the ground, more or less, I took him back to the trailer and tacked up. I hopped on, rode out to warm up and then I had this almost clairvoyant moment where I was like "Oh. Um. He's about to starting running sideways and spinning."

I WAS TOTALLY RIGHT.

What he looks like with something to do

The spinning progressed to half rears and leaping as I passively sat there thinking "this is really bad".

And then redheadlins was like "KICK HIM FORWARD AND GIVE HIM SOMETHING TO DO YOU DINGLE BRAIN"

Oh right.

She talked us through warm up and he was actually quite lovely. The longer I stayed focused and rode well, the better he did.

ALERT WE ARE IN NEW PLACE

We even had to ride out on to the gallop track, around a scary hedge, and into the arena filled with big XC jumps right before we went in. Again, lins coached us through the worst of it and by the time we went into the arena, both of us were pretty much keeping it together.

Courage didn't spook at the trees or the judge or the dressage arena and he actually gave me a solid effort in the sandbox that only improved as he went along.

I'd give me a 5, but I haven't been watching intro tests all day

Not bad for his first test ever. I had nothing to complain about. (well, except for getting a 4 on what I thought was a great free walk effort. I thought our overall score was fine, but 4? He put his head down and walked forward. What else do you want in a walk/trot test?)

Can't complain about this

That aside. I stuck Courage in his stall and reflected on the fact that when I put leg on and rode forward, he was actually giving me very honest efforts.

You'd think that would sink in a little, but don't hold your breath. The jumping phase was coming right up...

Final salute

A Study in Forward 2: Show Prep

I am the best at stealing video stills off of cameras

Courage got Friday off since both of us (I think) wee sore from leaping. My back needed time to recover, that's for sure. We were signed up to go do an event derby on Sunday, so Saturday redheadlins and I dragged a jump out into the field and decided to spin around out there.

It was good. Magical, even. Courage was slightly invigorated by the new environment and the open space. He gave me the BEST trot work I have gotten--light, engaged, uphill and forward. I was just trotting around smiling and not kicking.

Notice that. It comes up later.

We also cantered around a bit on both leads. Even though I know that Courage runs full tilt through his field and always keeps his feet, I was worried to push him forward for fear of slipping.

I know. wtf.

All was well until we went to jump. I trotted Courage towards the tiny X and focused on steady contact with the outside rein and how pretty and floaty he felt. I never bothered to actually put any leg on...

...which was really obvious when he parked it in front of the jump.

Dammit.

yay cantering!

He's starting to understand what leg is for, but I have to teach and support him and above all BE CONSISTENT so he can get this thing figured out. Sigh. We re-presented the fence and I practiced grabbing my neck strap. I was finding it nearly impossible to grab that strap and do anything else like "steer" or "kick", but we sort of got it together and ended on a really positive note.

I was surprised how nervous I was to jump Courage in the field. I kept expecting him to squirt off and flail or do something naughty, but he never even really offered that behavior.

Still. I coasted on the forward momentum that he generated and didn't worry too much about kicking. It mostly worked out because we were at home and he wasn't stressed, but that's not a really great plan when you are taking a green horse to his first real show in less than 24 hours.

Not that I would know anything about that...

The Show

I was hoping to have show pictures by now, what with having two different people taking them and a third videoing, but nada. You will just have to imagine it all.

Early morning Cuna

The show morning dawned bright and clear and Cuna and I were on the grounds with our tests memorized by 8.15. Our show buddy rode an hour earlier than we did, so I busted out the brown rubber bands and started braiding. I was afraid that Cuna would have a meltdown over the rather large amount of bugs, but he was happy and quiet.

In order to maximize Happy Cuna, I hung a hay net for him at the trailer and left him alone for the next 30 minutes. He does like his me time.

The real test was when I came back. I know he'll sometimes hold a grudge, and after the trauma of the day before, I wasn't sure how he was going to come out. I speed tacked him, brushed the hay off, and climbed on. We walked to the warm up ring and I picked up the reins.

I was shocked. He was soft, almost bendy. He moved off my legs and didn't hurl his entire bodyweight into my hands. Oh. Wow. Admittedly he wasn't very forward, but I was happy. I didn't want to piss him off, so we walked around for a few minutes before we went in for our test.

He promptly spooked at the judges' booth. I had trouble containing my laughter as we readdressed it. He definitely noticed the atmosphere difference between the show arena and the warm up. Instead of being soft and bendy, he was a bit braced and against my hand. We battled our way down centerline, braced through the corners and decided against stretching at all. Given that training level coefficients are on the free walk and stretchy trot, it was not the best test ever. Regardless, he did most of the movements and we stayed in the arena. I took him back to the trailer and let him chill in the shade with his buddy for 10 minutes.

At a dressage show

Then it was time to try again. This time S was able to coach us a bit, since she was done riding. She stressed that I needed to work harder in the warmup so that he could be soft when we went to show. We did lots of changes of bend and direction with transitions and really got both of us moving and in tune.

We were using the full dressage arena for our next test instead of the tiny small arena. Cuna and I trotted around it and waited for the bell to ring. I did some bend/counterbend when he wanted to get stiff and we headed down centerline. The advice S gave us was ringing in my ears, "Don't rush your halt. Get it right, then salute."

So we did. I took my time, had Cuna standing on all four legs, and then saluted. I broke the test into pieces and rode each piece like I would a jump course. Cuna blew me away. He was soft and round. I found myself chanting the mantra S loves. "More leg, MORE CORE, shorten the reins." When we turned up the longside for our free walk on two diagonals, I pushed my hands forward and asked Cuna to stretch. HE DID IT. No bracing, coming above the bit, or otherwise pissing off with me.

At our final halt, I couldn't stop smiling. My horse was soft, bending, and responsive. We had put all the pieces together into a lovely test that I was super proud of.

Both S and Steph congratulated me as I rode out of the arena and I explained to the ring steward about how Cuna was the cutest horse OF ALL TIME. I pulled his tack off, gave him a drink, and let him relax at the trailer.

Plus we got ribbons!

Despite our very different tests, we scored a 60% on both. We were dinged hard for not stretching well enough, but I'm not terribly concerned. It was really, really good for us right now and that's all I can ask of him.

There's always room for improvement, but I was absolutely thrilled with how Cuna went and how I rode. We have come so far together that it's kind of ridiculous.





He thought the whole thing was completely asinine. When I turned him out that evening, he galloped around like a wild man and played with his buddy. 

No worries--next time we show, there will be jumps.

PS I will post show pictures when I get them.

Derby/Clinic Recap

Thursday seemed normal enough--I got to the barn early and spent time packing up trunks and loading the trailers to go. When I was pretty much ready, I pulled Cuna out for a quick hack. It was hot, I was tired, and I didn't plan to do much. After a nice, long walking warmup, I picked up the trot and noticed one thing:

Cuna was not sound.

:-(

It took an interesting circle of phone calls to a variety of people, but I and another client loaded Cuna and another show-bound horse up, hauled to the vet where we met the farrier, had a shoe reset, and we were off.

Completely unconcerned

Cuna took to the show grounds like the old pro he is. He is literally the least complicated horse in the world. Off trailer, into stall, happy.

Because our show organizer had broken her hand just two weeks prior to the big day, I had been helping her out with paper work and typing. We selected the first clinic group on Friday based more on who was going to be there at 8am (show is 3 hours from civilization) than strictly by ability level. Hence, Cuna and I were riding in a BN group with several other capable people, despite the fact we were entered to run the intro class on Sunday (2'3").

Ignore my position and note the tiny fences

I'll be honest: aside from a scary fall by one of the people in our group, it was boring. I mean, we were coming off the bomb diggity jumping lesson on Wednesday with rollbacks and angles and extension and collection and now we were jumping a nice little grid. I think the tallest jump was 2'9" and Cuna can do grids in his sleep.

Still, I knew I would be a little bored at this level--it's not the show jumping that's the problem. We hung with it and worked on tweaking little position issues.

Boss horse has got this

Again, because I was helping out the organizer, I didn't have a ton of time to wander the courses and get a feel for what Saturday and Sunday would be like. Ok, I really didn't have any time at all. I kept myself busy and when I was free, I'd get Cuna out and handgraze him.

Just hang on, Mom

Saturday morning came bright and early. I was nervous, but I managed to keep it all in my head. We talked about the basics of cross country riding--staying close to the tack, sitting before fences, staying behind the motion, and then we got started. The other girls went first--they were true BN riders, entered to ride it the next day. They went over a crossrail (position review), around to a little log (warm up), down a long stretch (develop rhythm), over a bigger, scary log, and then jumped a low section of fence out to the road (technical) and then back in to the field we were starting in.

It looked scary to me, especially the big log. I was sure I would just have to jump the teeny log a couple of times, but Steph sent us out to do the same course. I reminded myself to give Cuna a good ride and stay behind him. The crossrail was insignificant, the little log easy, the big log scary but he jumped awesome, and the road jump was tricky but good. I cantered past our working student on the road and she gave me a funny look but didn't say anything.

Paddling our way around the field

In the next field we jumped a cabin, a giant A frame coming out of a sunken road, and a gate with a rail over it. Then we did another A frame (with scary straw bales underneath!!), a ditch, and a coop. Then we did up and down banks (albeit larger than I had done before), water crossings, banks out of water, more ditches, and funny looking log jump. The other girls also jumped some sort of giant tiger trap thing. Steph asked if I wanted to, and I shook my head. "THAT is huge. It's a novice jump, and we are just doing intro."

So we didn't do it. After I got off, I decided that I probably should have because Cuna was jumping great and I was riding well and we could have made it, but whatever. Maybe next time.

Picture from SJ lesson

I spent a couple hours in the afternoon taking pictures of my barnmates' cross country lessons. Most of the jumps were already marked and numbered for the derby on Sunday. As I walked past the jumps, I slowly began to realize something...

Um...

The whole time, we were jumping novice fences. The ones I said no to (the tiger trap, a ramp, another coop) were actually training.

Seriously.

WE ARE AWESOME.

I waffled for a couple minutes, thought about how boring the show jumping was on Friday, and then decided to move up to beginner novice for the show. 

Super cute after dressage

So, on to Sunday. We were set to ride at 8.18 for dressage, one of the first rides of the day. Cuna warmed up great (for us) and off we went. He wasn't quite as forward as I thought he'd be, but he was mostly quite good and I rode ok. I thought it was a great test until I saw the video. Haha. What I think is "round" on him, isn't. We pony-nosed the whole thing. Oh well. We had never even ridden a practice test before, and we did all the movements in the correct order, so I was quite happy with it.

I then threw all my energy into volunteering until it was time to get ready to ride cross country. I needed to just not think about it for a while. After all, jump #6 was a huge roll top a few strides away from the water and I didn't know how Cuna would deal with it.

When I got on, we had a brief warmup in which he was completely super. He was a little up (for him), and definitely knew what game we were playing. Still, we did a lot of transitions and moving off my leg, then hopped over both the practice fences, and all seemed well. As I rode into the start box, I focused on my line to the first jump and the line after instead of the growing feeling of nausea. The whole course was pretty twisty/turny with just two big galloping stretches (in which I planned to transition down to trot and back to keep him from getting too excited.

Uh huh. We cantered nicely over the first jump and landed going forward. As we headed to the bank, I realized I'd never cantered one before, but he was locked on. Up bank, around a turn, into water, out of water, another bank. At this point we needed a roll back turn (nailed it) to get to the GIANT ROLLTOP. If all went according to plan, we'd have four straight strides to get there.

Ha!

Cuna accelerated out of the roll back. I didn't want to take my leg off and pull back, so I went with it, jammed my heels down, and stayed well behind him. We had one straight stride, and then he took a MASSIVE FLYING LEAP. I gave a cowboy whoop as we landed and cantered through the water. HE WAS ON FIRE!!!!

The next field was easy enough until we started the galloping stretch and I realized just how ineffective a little Dr Bristol eggbutt is on a horse that likes to get strong on XC. My arms felt like falling off and we were only halfway through. Ok, no brakes, so roll with it. Since we'd conquered the giant rolltop, there was no way in hell I was going to circle (derbies follow SJ rules: circle=refusal). We booked it across the road, jumped the cabin out of stride, GALLOPED across the field, jumped the giant scary log, hauled ass through the sunken road, sailed over the cabin, and I very quickly had a problem on my hands:

The last four jumps were showjumping fences.

You know, narrow, they fall down, tight turns, etc.

And no brakes. We steeplechased over the first jump. I yelled "WHOOOOOA" and pulley-reined on him with everything I had, which was admittedly not much. We came back down to about 400 or 450 mpm, which is way, way, WAY too fast for itty bitty 2'6" jumps, but it was better than what we were doing. We made the next two tights turns and jumps in a way that was only non-terrifying because it was Cuna and he is a super safe jumper.

I had this great plan for the last jump (hard left turn to a max height scary gate, 4 straight strides). Ha. We made the turn(ish) but that left one one straight stride to a jump that might be spooky. I locked my leg on and yelled "You can do it Old Man!!"

And he did.

As we galloped through the finish flags, I dropped the reins and was instantly walking calmly across the field. His old owner was the EMT on site, and so she got to see the end of the course. I bragged about how super he was as I fed him peppermints, pulled his tack off, and thoroughly hosed him down.

I'm not saying our cross country issues are gone (and clearly I have a braking problem), but I had no idea what it was like to ride a horse who knew his job.

<3 Cuna.

Did I mention we won a ribbon? We totally did. I think we were 9th or 10th after dressage, but our jumping moved us up to 5th overall. Yay!We're keeping the streak alive of placing at every show. Ultimately, not a huge deal, but super fun for someone who was NEVER competitive until Mr. Matata came along.




PS Excellent news: I don't think there are any show pics, but there are definitely some awesome shots from our XC lesson. I'll keep you posted.

Cuna's old owner and us.