A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Barn

I found myself off my usual path the other day. And 3 minutes from a cowboy tack store I'd never been to. I thought I'd pop in and see if they had the teal boots I so desperately need to complete ZB's western outfit game.

i really love this picture
sure could use teal boots

They did not. Which is fine. But since I was already so far off the beaten path, it made sense to go just a little farther to see if the next tack store had said dream boots. 

And. 

They did not. 

But what they did have was the purple version of my beloved teal reins. 

You see these reins? They are the shit. Soft and sturdy with little hand stoppers to hang on to. Nice weight, happy colors. If I'm being picky, I'm a purple person, not a teal person, but teal is a really lovely color and ZB looks amazing in literally everything but snooze-fest-navy. 

And yeah, I was looking at them in purple. 

Now I know buying purple reins is the opposite of solving the teal boots problem but here's the thing: when has a little detail like that even slowed me down when I decide to go full tack ho? 

Fact: it has not. 

So then I had purple reins and I was headed back in a more usual direction when I drove past A THIRD TACK STORE that does like fancy custom cowboy shit and that I have never been to because A) it's far away from me and B) while I love playing cowboys, I'm not going to drop $$$$ on a legit set up to toodle around in. 

But on a day like that, why wouldn't I stop? 

she's in as long as there's snacks

Even with the purple reins, I was trying to stay on message. I got a little bogged down debating what local friends I might be able to talk into producing a couple babies so I could justify the ADORABLE child's western saddle I found but even with that, TEAL BOOTS GODAMMIT. Teal. I already have the fancy matching pad. Let's go. 

Do you know what I saw on the shelf at store #3?

o hi

Funny story. 

Purple boots. 

And hey! Guess who just happened to have two thumbs and matching reins? 

I did browse the whole display but there was simply no teal to be found. None at all. 

i mean everything is her color but HELLO

So uh. 

TL;DR I still don't have teal boots but now I need a purple saddle blanket. 

Oh and in a strange twist that I wasn't going to include but here we are, apparently these conchos are a thing that exist and that can be added to any headstall you own. And can be made in any color you want. 

I mean.

So stick that in your pipe and smoke it.

Recent ZB-Related Purchases

Alternate title: "You Buy It Best When You Buy Nothing At All "

The best thing about ZB is literally everything.

But if I had to pick one thing that isn't 100% her most winning feature, it's that she doesn't fit in tack.

Her bridles are custom. You know why?

You literally can't buy that off the shelf. When I sent her measurements to Otto, they replied, "this horse does not exist".

Well ok no problem, right? Just get boots instead. Boots are so fun.

you see the gap?

Relevant problem: percheron x paint. Think thick, drafty cannons that are stock horse length. She can't wear taller than M fronts and L hinds in most brands and 0% of her boots actually close around her leg. (And yeah polos fit better but there is not time in my life for polos right now.)

So saddles then? Saddles are fun.

this saddle is too wide

Saddles are also expensive. And like. Hoop tree. And also. There are a lot of "draft" products out there, but most of them are some combination of heinous, made of horrid plastic leather, totally not optimized for anything athletic (the balance point is... where?), and just plain hard to find.

I basically call dibs on anything Roxie's mom sells and otherwise don't saddle shop.

But hey, there's always half pads!

Try again. My entire horse is a half pad. 

I typically think half pads are primarily fashion based anyways, but when your horse is a literal couch and now has 350 lbs of hair on top of couch status, like no. Do not pass go, do not spend $200, do not collect half pads.

That brings us to the obvious choice of saddle pads.

i miss fall and free time
Not pictured: any saddle pad

That sort of presupposes that I use a saddle, which I'm trying to be better about. Here's the rub: I have saddle pads. I sold a few I didn't like on her and bought a few in nicer colors, but like. There's a stack at the barn. I have an entire bin at home. Nice, clean, barely used pads.

I'm not opposed to buying an occasional high end saddle pad, but I have so many colors and models and since I can't use boots, don't have time for polos, and OH YEAH THE BONNET ISSUE.

You'll notice there aren't a lot of pictures of zb in bonnets.

this excluded. this is her winter hat.

There is literally one thing on this planet the little lady has voiced a strenuous objection to, and it is bonnets. THEY MAKE HER EARS ITCHY OK. She'll tolerate them in the fall before her winter coat comes in. They're OMFG MUM TOO HOT in summer and winter and shedding in them is unconscionable.

Plus given moose dimensions, she's an all-custom, all-the-time sort of lady so. 

In terms of fun things to purchase

That leaves 

(drumroll) 

6" bits

If you can find them. 

I Tack Ho'ed So Hard

I know, I know. Every time I say that, you think I can't top the last time I said that.

Well.

I can.

I don't even know why you doubt me anymore.

shame on your doubts

Soooooo this story starts back in January when I visited my sister and we skipped through a tack store whilst tossing dollar bills into the air willy nilly (metaphorically).

One thing I saw that many of you were like OMFG HOW DID YOU NOT BUY THAT was this:

make sexy eyes at otto!

I mean. Yeah. It's lovely. But also like a billion dollars and OH YEAH perhaps you remember how ZB fits in approximately off-the-rack NOTHING.

Plus I happen to know that the thing with Otto is that you can order custom but you have to go through a dealer and there isn't one close to me. Also one thing about me is that I have the attention span of a caffeinated gnat, so custom ordering is not in my wheelhouse. I'm an instant gratification girl.

But then you all probably know Stephanie (say with me: THAT BITCH!) who I legit hung out with at Rolex last year and one day on facebook she started this out-of-control thread about ugly custom bridles which somehow segued into her casually dropping the fact that she works for an Otto dealer.

HOLD THE PHONE.

I did what any responsible tack ho would and casually filed that information away for later.

every day is a good day for rolex pictures

lol jk this is me

I immediately messaged her every detail of what I wanted and asked what it would cost.

She for some reason didn't think I was a tire kicker and got back to me all polite and professional and told me the cost.

We'll leave it vague, but let's just agree that it was enough that as a seasoned tack ho who's used to paying for quality, I most definitely threw up in my mouth and was like NOPE HARD PASS LOL WE ARE NEVER EVER EVER GETTING THAT TOGETHER.

Buuuuuut

Once you know

And you've had some time to get used to it

And then you think about your life without it

I mean.

The mare legit doesn't fit in off the rack sizes, which means 1) finding things for her is impossible and 2) impulse buying strap goods is dead. Also she's the nicest horse I've ever had, so doesn't she deserve the nicest bridle?

And you know. I'm not showing this year, so what better time to buy a ridiculous bridle than now when I'm not paying entries and memberships?

logic. we has it. 

I messaged Stephanie something mature like YOLO (after several weeks, I'll have you know).

Then the wait began.

I was super patient for like the first 38 seconds.

Then it was pure torture.

I think Roxie's (and Halo's!!) mom got so tired of listening to me that she sent me a link to a purple padded FSS bridle for pennies on the dollar on eBay, which I most definitely bought to kill time.

again with the photo edits

I waited. I waited more. THERE WAS SO MUCH WAITING.

THEN ONE DAY

DROP IT LIKE ITS HOT

THE WAITING WAS OVER

I MEAN NO DEFINITELY DONT DROP IT

BRIDLE PARTAY

Except it also wasn't over.

DO YOU SEE IT

SOBBING

I was hoping to hold off on writing this for a while and be like "everything is awesome!" but it's been a week+ and despite repeated attempts to reach out to Otto, I don't have a firm plan or a ship date for the correct browband and it's leaving a sour taste in my mouth for sure.

I mean. I may be small potatoes to Otto himself, but I didn't pay $$$ for a custom to bridle to get *almost* what I wanted.

mmmm classy

Bright side: I managed to finagle my topline leather browband on and it does look fabulous. And I'm obsessed with the bridle. And it's exactly what I wanted (other than the browband). And it looks fabulous on ZB.

taking a bridle picture
wtf is zb doing

hi zb

yeah now it's not a bridle pic

So anyways. It's in progress and after waiting as long as I did, I am not thrilled to be waiting longer.

Otoh, the bridle is gorgeous and I do not regret a cent.

#goshopping

Vote for Your Favorite ZB Bridle

Here is a fact that often surprises people about me: as much as I love having ALL THE TOYS for ZB to play with, I actually super respect people who can have just one bridle and be happy with it. 

R WANT NAP INSTEAD OF CHOICES

Sometimes I even pretend like I could be one of those people and consolidate (aka bring my spares home to stick in the bridle bag), but that generally lasts like an hour, because I find things I forget I had when I put things away so then those things go to the barn and it sort of spirals out of control from there. 

All that aside. 

Here's a quick rundown of the current bridle stock (not including one I got tired of looking of a picture for that does exist and presumably fits). Remember all browbands are interchangable. 

Which one do you think looks the best?

1) Retro Otto Schumacher White padded bridle 

 I picked this up a week ago (uh time flies!) for a killer deal. It's size 3, which fits everywhere except the cheeks. Because this is me, I stuck a different set of cheeks on it and here we are. The white padding is nice in a dark indoor. The leather smells amazing. It's in shockingly good condition for it's age. The price was such that I can abuse this as a schooling bridle and feel no guilt. It's a crank. It has a flash. i can take the flash off and leave the crank loose to minimize the amount of buckling I have to do.

2. Single Raised Tony Slatter Bridle (currently with Topline Leather browband)

This is not a brand I was familiar with, but a barnmate was selling it and let me try it on ZB and basically as soon as I touched it, I was sold. The leather is stunning. The fit is excellent. It's a plain cavesson, which is about the number of straps I have the energy for. If I'm being picky, the reins are a little short for ZB, but I haven't swapped them out yet because I like touching them. On the whole, this is an excellent quality bridle that is uncomplicated to use, and the single raised is classy on her.


3) Highly Custom Nunn Finer Event Bridle in black/stainless (also shown with Topline Leather browband)

This is the first bridle I bought ZB and I'll probably never be able to sell it because WTF cob size cheeks on an OS headstall. Well, and I'll never want to sell it because it's simple and classic and easy and doesn't have a crank or a flash and can be beat to death and still be acceptable in mixed company.


4) Large horse size Micklem with (different) Topline Browband

 In fairness to me, I don't actually own this bridle. A friend sent it to me to mess around with and either keep or sell. I could tell you a long story about why I've now had it for like 6 months and done neither, but the essential points are that 1) I still have it 2) I don't love it and 3) hey look something off the rack went on ZB somehow!


4) Mark Todd bridle with Dark Jewel Designs browband

 I've blogged about this bridle before. I hang on to it for sentimental reasons and i definitely expect it to be back in the rotation this summer. In a strange twist, it's the only brown piece of tack I own right now. Well, sort of co-own. It's complicated. But beautiful.


5) Red Barn Piaffe Bridle with Black Jak Refinery browband

I had a massive tack ho crush on this bridle for a long time before I bought it. It's a really fun design. It fits (in regular horse size wtf) and the self-colored padding keeps it just this side of conservative. If I'm being picky, I hate doing a crank/flash on the daily, but I also want to keep this as my show bridle. (Ignore that I'm not showing right now) (Also ignore that I loathe new leather and this needs to be broken in).

Help me out blogosphere! If I'm attempting to narrow down which one bridle lives at the barn, which one should it be?

Oops I Tack Ho'ed Again

(In fairness to me, this one is pretty much 100% Roxie's mom's fault.)

(Ok FINE 60%.)

I have whined repeatedly about how the only drawback to a glorious ZB is that she is a literal tack ho buzzkill. She's a custom bridle size (uh don't ask how many i have right now), a funky boot size (sob), a scary saddle size (omfg), and an 84" blanket (yes at 4 years old and 15.2 tall).

It's not a lot of fun to spend hours digging through backlogs of fb groups and eBay when your odds of success are literally zero. I mean. I started talking to a custom saddle person because y'know, I can't actually buy anything else so I MIGHT AS WELL SAVE UP AND GET SOMETHING REAL NICE. (Actual this is super logical and probably not something I should bitch about.)

I DO WHAT I WANT
also ho shit mare. feel good much?

The point is that I barely shop for things right now. Thus, when Roxie's mom was like "I'm totes going to a Real Tack Store! Do you need anything?", I gave her a list and told her to send me sexy pictures.

she obliged

Sadly, the super extravagant thing I wanted was not available. And again. Good luck getting a 6" bit off the rack EVER. Not that I need a bit. But shopping.

Everyone needs friends like Roxie's mom, because she knows what I like and sent me a ton of pictures and checked sizes. Then she found it:

ooooooooo

Yes that is a purple dressage pad I don't didn't already have.

Of course, then she's like "oh hey there's a matching shirt", but they didn't have it in my size. 

DUN DUN DUN

can you see where this is going

So the next day, I'm obviously in the market for the matching shirt. I go to Riding Warehouse. I find it. The shirt is like $35, which means I need another $20 to use my coupon and still get free shipping. 

I do the only logical thing and start skimming through the clearance section. 

Annnnnnd then I saw it. 

photo via Riding Warehouse

Dream helmet. In the clearance section. In my size. And I've been meaning to get a new vented schooling helmet. And I had a coupon.

AND I NEEDED TO HIT THE FREE SHIPPING THRESHOLD. 

It was the only way. 

I put it in the cart.

I added the coupon. 

I totaled up the fake money sitting in my paypal account from a return (the money is already spent so it doesn't count, right?). 

sad brown ovation needs to be western-only, right?

I texted some of my super rational friends (cough tack hos all) and they were like #yolo. 

That seemed reasonable. 

Plus it will look so good with my new pad and matching shirt.

At that point, I figured I'd done enough damage for a weekend. But it could also be argued that there was a local tack swap thingy that sounded interesting at a barn I'd never been to and hey, I was already awake! Besides, as I VERY LOGICALLY told a friend, it was mostly western stuff. What could I possibly buy? Reins?

Cough.

Finish giggling, then we'll move on.

I dragged the world's best barn dog (tm) to the tack swap and then took FOREVER to walk through and look at things because basically every single person had to admire him. But that means I had a lot of time to think about the first thing I saw when I walked up:

A saddle that looked like it would fit a barrel.

It had some damage. It was priced low to account for it. It looked like it would fit. I hemmed. I hawed. I ran into a local friend who verified that it looked real wide.

Finally I think I annoyed the guy selling it so much that he was like IF IT DOESNT WORK, JUST RETURN IT and FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS HOLY PLZ JUST LEAVE.

sooooooooo

Just remember.

Friends don't make friends add up how much they spent on tack in any given weekend.

Buckwild Breeches Review

I've seen a lot of ads for Buckwild breeches and I even goaded Leah into trying them on at Rolex last year. I did not try any on--nothing murders the self esteem quite like trying and failing to squeeze into some horrific piece of spandex in public.

Then Roxie's mom was like "hey I have these kickass pants that I super hate because of their overly sticky silicone full seats do you want?"

yes. yes i do want.

They're a gorgeous shade of teal with plaid full seats that have super sticky silicone on them. They wear like yoga pants--soft, comfy, and simple. They're a higher rise, which I very much appreciate as a long-waisted person. I will say that they don't do a lot for smoothing over the lumps and holding things in place, but maybe the fun colors distract from that? I dunno. I love them. They make me smile when I put them on.

zoom zoom baby mare!

I've kind of gone back and forth on these, which is why I haven't done a write up until now. They're like $130 full price, which is in range for nice breeches, buuuuuut I'm pretty cheap about buying stretchy pants. Plus my first pair was free. Plus the lumpy issue. Plus since they aren't uncomfortable to wear, how well are they really going to hold up? (My brain goes strange places sometimes, but I bet you've thought that too.)

Then this happened:

rad. purple. pants.

Yeah purple with multi color horsey full seats plus a sale (and I was waiting for test results on teeny dog). #yolo

this seems almost indecent

I think I ordered Saturday morning and had them in my hands Tuesday or Wednesday.

love

I will say--I wear ~34 breech normally and I ordered the XL from Buckwild. They're a little bit big for me and quite stretchy. I almost could have sized down. Definitely don't size up.

one day i will get good pictures. one day.

I mean. They're a look, don't get me wrong. If you have very conservative sensibilities, these are probably not the stretchy pants for you. (But also if you have very conservative sensibilities, you started throwing up in your mouth when you saw this post title and maybe this isn't the post for you either.)

But also. They are so comfortable. They're super fun. They're a nice, lightweight fabric that will wear well in summer without being too hot. I really like the sock bottoms on these--comfortable without being uncomfortably tight.

look baby ZB!

They wear a bit like a dressed-up riding tight--there is a zipper and snap and belt loops, but the comfort level is pretty unbeatable.

Would I wear them in a clinic? Well. Yes. But also I have a rainbow bit and a steampunk browband and I believe in having fun and making my own traditions. YMMV on that particular issue.

Life's too short to be boring. Go buckwild!

Disclosures: my free pair had everything to do with having fantastic friends and nothing to do with the company. I paid the sale price for the purple ones and I don't regret a cent. I'd be surprised if I didn't end up with another pair of these.

UPDATE: If you're a budget-fun-colors-breeches type (like me), you're probably comparing them with Smartpak Piper breeches. In short, the Pipers have a more substantial fabric that smoothes over lumps much better. HOWEVER. The Pipers also have that killer crotch sag (wtf why can't they can't just fix that) and even the mid-rise pipers give me a MAD muffin top. Not attractive. The Buckwild breeches hit me in a much more flattering place and I'm happy wearing them around rather than constantly trying to bury myself in layers and creatively crop photos.