Principles of Trust

I call Courage a special snowflake and I mean it (homeboy got a new girth because he start biting the old one), but I truly believe that in most ways, he's just a more-expressive version of a totally normal horse. 

because reasons

I mean, I'm in awe of the number of times I've told people "Oh C doesn't deal with X" and they immediately respond with "well you just have to force him". And when I tell them that I don't believe in forcing him (and neither does he), I then get told I simply need to use MORE force.

Whoa. No. Slow your roll. Back the hell up.

See, Courage is definitely a challenging horse. That we can agree on. I've found some guiding principles that really helped me progress and move forward with him.

1) It starts with trust.

For Courage, this is HUGE. I can't begin to emphasize it enough. He's strong minded and independent and he took care of himself physically on the racetrack for a very long time. His track connections called him aloof, and they were right. He's a very closed off horse who's slow to make connections and trust is a precious commodity. That's not because he was treated poorly. The horse lived like a king.

He's just also very, very sensitive and the way he coped with track life was by shutting everyone else out.

So before I could get anywhere with him, he had to learn that he could trust me. That wasn't an overnight process. Think more like 2 years. Seriously. Looking back, there are some things I maybe would have done differently, but on the whole, this required just a very slow, methodical approach that included setting consistent boundaries and being very, very patient.

and lots of over-the-top photoshoots

2) Never damage trust.

Perhaps you've heard the maxim "the only emotions that belong in the saddle are patience and a sense of humor". This is SO TRUE. Courage learns at Courage speed and that speed varies from day to day. Sometimes we take giant leaps forward. Sometimes we go running backwards. Mostly, we just inch along, day by day.

No matter what, I have to be his emotional center. Calm, relaxed, supportive.

I know as ammies we get so wrapped up in "success" and that frequently just ends up damaging the horse. With Courage, I've learned that bolting and flailing and leaping all just represents him mentally checking out and protecting himself. I took a lot of flak for refusing to punish him for his perceived "bad" behavior, but you know what?

He trusts me now. He knows that if says "I can't right now", I'll listen to him. I'll accept his quiet "please stop" and give him a different option that he can do.

It's really not profound. It's just not being a dick to a horse who's trying very hard.

3) Always build trust.

For us, this meant completely throwing my timeline and goals out the window. I wanted to go out and compete at first level this year and Courage has all the right skills to do it.

But you know what?

He wasn't ready. He told me quietly and then he told me loudly. It's hard to accept that instead of going to the annual banquet and collecting my fancy satin, I'll just shell out and have to explain why I don't jump or show (again), but that's not why I'm here.

Instead, we've spent all summer meticulously building strength and muscle memory. I know that Courage can do first level, but now he's starting to believe it.

Yeah, I could have maybe done the same thing at shows, but instead of picking fights with him and putting him back on the defensive, we did it piece by piece, alone at home. Pressure off, no one watching.

and over and over and over

Courage really is an amazing horse--for as aloof as he seemed to be, he's probably one of the most relational horses I've ever been around. These things are important for any horse, but they're doubly important to him. He's definitely pushed me to improve as a horseman, but he's also pushed me to improve as a human.

He's taught me to stay calm in the storm, to always ask why, and to be steady when everything else falls apart. He's not the horse for everyone, but the more time I spend with him, the more I realize that the reward with this horse isn't the yards of satin he might eventually bring home, but rather every step of the journey we share together.

He isn't a means to an end. He's my partner.

So when I hear "just force him", I'm appalled. I've spent so long building Courage's trust in me and his confidence in himself. To force him would be to undo everything I've done and everything we've built together.

yeah i just love this picture

Pressure Off--Pictures On

Courage is not a horse that can be drilled. Repetition makes him tense, not correct. Seriously. I can halt him 2-3x per ride, but more than that and he starts offering anything he can possibly think of--backwards, sideways, whatever--because halting is hard and icky I guess. (I can stop and toodle any time I want. This is specific to a connected, square halt that he has to work out of.)

This year, he actually takes pressure exponentially better than last year. I mean, last week we did dressage THREE RIDES IN A ROW and he was shockingly ok with it. Now we didn't do the same exercises those days, but he showed up with his brain turned on and it was great.

That means I need to mix it up to reward him. And it was a holiday weekend. And Monica did this cool uber-patriotic photoshoot with her boys (again). And hello, have you ever wondered how hard it is to carry a flag on a hot, reactive OTTB*?

 Wherein Courage meets a flag for the first time.

Courage is a funny horse--he always takes care of #1 (him) and he isn't fearful but he is careful. He's not a spook particularly. I unrolled the flag and didn't get any pictures immediately because I was laughing so hard. He went all big eyed and silly, but got over himself pretty quickly and never really tried to leave.

must bite to determine scariness level

 Then he was just curious. We played around posing with the flag outside the arena, because a barn buddy was riding and I actually wasn't trying to get her bucked off (even if that's what happened later, whoops).

this is a very patriotic barn when the sky is blue

 Once he got over the initial shock of the flag flapping in the wind, Courage was his usual engaged and curious self with a fabulous helping of posing dramatically.

of facebook fame

 It was significantly cooler than it has been and the wind was blowing, the farm fields around the barn were being worked, the manure guy was hauling stuff away and all the horses were a little on edge from fireworks noise lately. Oh, and Courage was about 80% ok with the flag touching him everywhere but about 20% HOLY SHITBALLS NOT OK and I decided that I didn't actually want to die.

So I stayed on the ground. However, the problem with horse girls is that one we hatch a crazy plan, we all want to go through with it. Awesome barn buddy played with the flag next and... yeah I've redacted her horse's identity. Let's just say that she is a brave and kickass rider but sometimes the ground gets you anyways.

it wasn't the flag that got him even

And also, everyone should have that one friend you can text early in the morning and be like OMG DO YOU HAVE A FLAG BRING IT TO THE BARN because not only will she bring it, but her and her barely-5-tiny-AQHA will show everybody up and get amazing pictures.

And that's the story of how I let Courage decompress after a hard training week. Oh and also I'm possibly already plotting a gameday photoshoot for football season with a flag. I'll keep you posted.

*As for how hard it is to carry a flag, the answer is much respect to Monica. Either her horses are flipping amazing or she's batshit crazy or both. 

In Search of Confidence: Use Your Resources

This was an epic outfit

I've talked about how I lack confidence. Now I want to talk about what I'm doing to get it back.

On the Ground
Jess (if you don't read her blog, you should start) recommended Jane Savoie's "That Winning Feeling" to me. I believe her specific recommendation was "I don't usually like this kind of book, but it's really good". I got it on Amazon for like $4 shipped and started in. I haven't even finished it yet, but I already love it.

This outfit was great too

Program Your Subconscious
According to Jane, our subconscious is a powerful thing. Instead of just letting it run wild and screw us over, it makes way more sense to harness that power and use it to our own ends. To do that, she recommends positive self talk--saying "I will" and "I can" instead of "I'll try" and "I hope". She's also really big on visualization. I really latched on to this concept because my biomechanics coach reminds me that the human brain can only process one thing at a time. That means everything else has to be muscle memory. The nifty little aside is that the brain really can't differentiate between created memories and actual memories sooooo....

It's ok. I visualized this already.

I visualize. I try to do it every night before bed and on long boring driving stretches. I don't just visualize the action I want to internalize. I focus on the minutiae. I'm cantering to the jump. It's a good, forward going sort of canter with a steady rhythm. My heels are down, my hands are level, my eyes are up, my core is engaged, my leg is on. I picture exhaling to the base of the jump and putting my leg on. We jump across, land in a straight line, and canter away.

And then I do it again. I'm really specific about the type of jump I visualize. Things I'll see, things I know will bother me. I realize that's maybe not practical for shows, but I'm not worried about that right now. I want to set myself and my horse up for success.

I think he cleared it

In the Saddle
Everyone should have a Lindsey of their very own. I'd be sunk without her. Lindsey helps me tag team on Courage--she puts rides on him for me now and then and she's always giving me helpful pointers when we ride together. It's not that I can't ride--it's that I can get in a mental rut and it is really helpful to get those quick reminders. (I wish I could say I was equally helpful to her, but pretty much I just share tack and hold the video camera.)

Work That Conscious Mind
Here's where I really benefit from reading through old blog entries. I try to review lesson write ups and then ride. I want Courage forward and off my aids. I want him responding to me. I want his mind so busy processing what I want him to do that he isn't staring off into space and inventing monsters to spook at.

It's hard work for both of us, but it really pays off. When Courage starts saying "yes ma'am" and toeing the line, I know we're ready to jump. Right now, that means he has to put his head down (joys of remuscling an upside down neck), go forward and back within gaits, and do a solid leg yield each direction.

A little more reasonable

The Big Plan
 I know that putting pressure on top of fear is completely useless if you're trying to work through the fear (different story if you're trying to save the world, but I sort of don't see a scenario in which I need to jump 2'6" on my greenie to avert planetary destruction in the near future.)

So. I've been setting jumps at my comfort height. Sometimes poles. Sometimes 12". Whatever. I let that be the height for the day and I jump it until I'm bored. Then afterwards I think about how fun it was. I smile (release the endorphins!!) at the memories and I incorporate in emotions from other times I've had fun jumping.

Tuesday we jumped through the course that Lindsey set for Prisoner. We did the baby crossrail until I was happy with how I rode it. We did the bigger crossrail until I was happy. Then we strung the two together. Then we added the barrels and the vertical.


One step at a time. Each when I was comfortable with it. On my timetable.

There is a time to push and I time to just create calm, positive experiences and really soak them in.

I did a photo editing thing

Does It Work?
I think yes. Not only do I have fantastic jumping pictures, but I think I rode better than I have in ages and I feel very happy with the ride. Courage did some typical green horse wiggly stuff and I was able to confidently ride him through and git'er done. That is the ingredient I was lacking and I feel like it's back.

I'm going to keep things slow and advance when I feel confident and continue to use the hell out of my resources, but I'm on the right track and I'm excited about it.

Half Pad Review Rundown - Thinline, Ecogold, Ogilvy

Plus you can totes ride with no half pad.

Halfpads are such a fun puzzle. They are very, very faddish and yet they all purport to help...something... and we shell out lots of money for them. Today I'm going to focus on the three most expensive half pads I've owned and the logic for them. You'll note that none of them are sheepskin. Here's why:

My friends in the medical industry point out that coma patients are not swaddled in sheepskin. If it really had magical properties, they'd be all up in that shit, but they're not. Rather, humans in need of pressure relief and long term comfort are all about the high tech foam. Say what you will about modern medicine, I'd rather be a coma patient in 2014 than 1014. Sorry sheep. (Not sorry? They get to keep their skin in my world.)

First up:

There is a lot of new stuff in this picture

Thinline Trifecta with sheepskin rolls - Smartpak $157 with free shipping

I bought this pad several years ago. Thinline was WAAAAY trendy then. I think it's sort of fading now, but maybe that's just because it's old hat to me and I don't feel that interested.

Regardless. I bought this pad because I wanted something shimmable and magical to make my extremely picky mare happy. (Duly noted: if you are a one-horse ammy who lessons infrequently, the odds are that your hormonal mare needs her ass kicked more than a magikal half pad. Hindsight being what it is.)

Izzy canters in the thinline

Anyways. This pad fit the bill, right down to the stylish sheepskin rolls. It didn't have the skeepskin under the saddle, because even I thought that was excessive.

This pad did the job. I know a lot of people argue that thinline holds heat and can lead towards soft tissue injury and blah blah blah. To them I say this: IT'S UNDER A SADDLE THAT'S UNDER YOUR ASS. Heat is going to happen. I think the heat argument is a very legitimate reason to not use certain boots, but I don't get worked up about saddle pads for that reason.

I sold this pad a short while after I sold my mare, because it really did add a lot of bulk under the saddle. It worked fine--between that and a well-fitted saddle, I really never had any soreness issues with my mare.

It's not a bad option, but if you're buying half pads to stay on trend, it's a bit dated.

There is a lot of new stuff in this picture

Ecogold Triple Protection half pad - Ecogold $165 plus shipping

My next crazy splurge in the half pad world was the totally on-trend ecogold that comes in a lovely shade of brown. I love brown. It also comes in more boring colors, but wutevs. Not interested.

I bought this some time after the infamous m&ms test. It's a nice pad. It's a little rigid, which isn't quite the right word. The very soft foam holds it's shape very well, and that shape is pretty set. It works on the horse just fine and it's easy to store because it folds up nice and flat. It doesn't just collapse onto the horse, I guess is what I'm trying to say.

Canter pictures seemed like a good idea

That said. (Whatever it was.) While the ecogold is maybe the least sexy option I'm talking about today, I used it constantly with my MW saddle that didn't quite fit Mr. C-rage. He has never exhibited any signs of back soreness. That actually impresses me.

The saddle wasn't a bad fit, but it definitely wasn't great and I never had any ill effects from it. I will give the ecogold triple protection pad at least some of the credit for that.

I even still own this pad. It's thin enough that it can go under pretty much anything, but it seems to do a nice job on the horses and I have no burning urge to sell it.

Only the half pad is new in this picture.

Ogilvy Jumper Half Pad - Ogilvy Equestrian $199 plus shipping

If you've ever used social media, you know that Ogilvy is red hot right now. I'm going to risk sounding like a hipster right now and say that I was aware of them long before their recent rise in popularity, but I grant you the custom covers and all are way more sexy than the weird old colors they used to have in the Dover catalogs.

Anyways. I think a major drawback to these pads is the ridiculous wait time attached to your custom order. Talk about an impulse buy buzz kill. I held out for a good long time because I already had the ecogold and I have the patience of a caffeinated quail, but then one popped up on eBay in the colors I wanted and I just happened to have money in my checking account. Whoops.

More cantering. Ogilvy in action.

I did get some free front risers with my ebay buy, so I guess that was nice. Like the thinline, the Ogilvy is completely shimmable. Unlike the ecogold, it's also totally washable. I actually think this is one of the best perks of ogilvy--as long as you don't buy the gummy pad, you can just take the inserts out and wash the cover. NONE of the other half pads offer this option.

Dunno 'bout the rest of y'all, but my shit gets dirty and I like the idea of being able to clean it.

Maybe an ogilvy will make your horse jump like this

The Ogilvy, much like the ecogold, really does seem to pad out the rough patches in saddle fit, whether that's a little hollow behind the wither or tree panels a little too wide for the horse. I've been quite pleased with the sweat marks under all the saddles I've tried in both pads.

I have heard people criticize the Ogilvy pads for being too thick and changing the fit of a saddle. My pad in the regular 1" thickness and it squishes down well enough that I really haven't noticed a difference. When I tried a slightly-too-wide saddle on Courage, I did have to use the front shims to make it fit. Yeah, it looks like a lot when you're tacking up, but they squish right down and you have to tighten the girth a lot after you get on.

This is how we jump in an ecogold

Wrap up

We live in a really cool time for technology, both equine and otherwise. I've certainly enjoyed playing with trendy half pads, but at the end of the day, a well-fitting saddle and solid training is more important that brand names and cute colors.

That said.

If your saddle fits, by all means, buy the cutest half pad you can afford. They don't hurt the horse, might possibly help, and everyone loves looking at pretty things.

Because sometimes we just play dress up

PS My conscience compels me to point out that at no point have my horses struggled with significant back soreness. Whether that's because I always have a majikal half pad or because I buy saddles that fit or because I don't ride very much or because my horses are made of iron or because I'm just bloody lucky, I really can't say.

Pressurized

Looking formal for his lesson

The weather has finally been consistently good enough that I felt the need to schedule a lesson. We're still working with my friend/trainer the biomechanics guru, which I am super excited about. We mostly worked on my aids and effectiveness, which was excellent training but not great for pictures. More importantly, we talked about pressure.

At this point, I'm not interested in hauling him over to the expensive event trainer for a lesson because he just mentally can't handle pressure for a solid hour and I refuse to pay for an hour when I only need twenty minutes. To deal with this, I've been very careful about putting pressure on him (trot fancy with your head down) and then taking it off (free walk on a long rein for a circle).

It seems to be working slowly--last week he could only do about ten fancy trot strides before he just sort of lost it and leaped or flailed a bit. I mean, the horse can trot around all day. I can now get him to trot in balance on the bit while engaged behind, but only for short periods of time.

The best at taking instructions

Our instructor pointed out that while it's good to know that about him, it's also important to increase his tolerance by putting more pressure on him. Essentially, if I want to do clinics and lessons and shows, I can't keep him in a stress-free bubble forever. So pressure on/pressure off, but take one or two days a week to work really hard, then give him a couple easy days.

Sounds like a plan. We acted on it by really putting both of us to work--I had to be very consistent about my aids, thus creating a "box" for Courage. When he understood and trusted the consistency, he was quite willing to go into it.

I was pleasantly surprised--we did lots of serpentines and figure eights, which meant changing bend and direction, without taking any breaks, and Courage handled it well.

Then we moved on to cantering. I didn't realize I was riding him a bit tentatively at the canter. Even our instructor who's only seen him a few times was like "Just kick him! He's a good boy and he's not going to do anything."

Oops, haha. We got rolling in a lovely forward canter and did lots of circles and laps around the whole arena. Our instructor had me sit tall and close my eyes so I could focus on the feeling of him moving under me and keep my body more still. I was pretty proud of Courage for the effort. Canter circles were a major stress point for him last year, but he was handling them so well.

Then we went to the right, which is his harder lead. We did a couple of circles, then around the arena, then circling at the other end of the arena.

 I was focusing on riding him forward from my leg and we were cruising around and then all of a sudden we were sort of flailing and I was staring at the sand with an alarmingly small amount of horse underneath me.

And then we were just standing at the fence.

Our instructor was like, "Um, ok, let's just try that again."

Looking so fancy 

So we trotted a circle (to remind him that we can still turn right there), then picked up the canter and finished out the lesson like nothing.

It wasn't anything earth shattering, but I felt like it was a great lesson to launch our season. My main take away (aside from the much-needed position help), was just that he's ready for more. Keep it fun, obviously, but it's time to turn up the heat and see where we can go. He's learning fast and handling things that just last fall would have fried his brain.