Thursday, September 17, 2015

The Ultimate Instant Dressage Position Fix

in my defense, his neck is really sexy
As some of you have (very vocally) observed, I have a marked tendency to stare at Courage's neck while I'm riding. I can make a couple defenses of it, but the most honest one is probably that I have bad posture and haven't worried about it.

I admit--it's not great and not something to be proud of. I'm sure bio-mechanically, it hinders Courage in some way.

This past weekend, we fixed it.

Ha. It really was that easy. And I can fix you too. Over the internet. I'd like to charge money so you'll take me more seriously, but HA. No one pays me for advice on anything.

It was so simple--I was having a terrible ride (being exhausted+90f+eating yummy Mexican food+emotional meltdown status DOES NOT = quality work under saddle). Lindsey was there trying to talk me through it a little bit, but Courage was wanting to throw all of his toys out of his crib, and I was right there with him.


And in the midst of my surly-mood-cloud, I was, of course, staring hard at Courage's ears. Because reasons. LOOK WHERE I WANT TO GO? EARS BITCHES.

unfortunately i think the pink wears us
Yeah it was good solid horsemanship going on there. Not proud.

Anyways. In the midst of all that, Alyssa pipes up with possibly the most profound piece of dressage advice I have heard in a very long time. (And who says that girl has never had a proper dressage lesson?! Ha.)

She lightened my mood, fixed my position, and gave my ride a whole new direction with one simple phrase.

What's more, I rode again on successive days and the THE FIX HELD. No joke. It's made a huge difference in my riding.

Want to know what she said?


As I trotted by with my eyes locked firmly on Courage's poll, she blurted out "Pretend there's a penis between his ears. AIN'T NO ONE WANTS TO LOOK AT THAT!"

And then, every time I looked down again, she'd shout "PENIS".

Regardless of what you like to look at, ain't no one wants to get caught looking at AHEM certain things.

sparkle fabric paint
So if you don't have a friend willing to go to recognized shows and yell at you across the warmup (or even if you do), there is a slightly more subtle solution if you have a fly bonnet and access to a craft store.

Guess what we're going to do with this?

If you guessed explicit art on the backside of a bonnet, you're spot on. Tall, straight, and hard, that's our new motto.


  1. That is an awesome and hilarious fix! I was always told (in pony club) to look between my horses ears. Which is sort of an ok idea but it depends on the headseat of the horse.

  2. HAHAHAHA! It's a good thing I work alone, in my house, because I just erupted in the most insane cackling laugh ever heard.

  3. OMG bwhahahahahah! My instructor was yelling at me last night to look up. I will have to tell her this... although I am fairly sure she will never say that word out loud!

  4. BAHAHAHA! That one is even better than my favorite one-liner from an old dressage coach: "Point one boob east and one west!"

  5. Haha! Pure genius on Alyssa's part!

  6. Hilarious! The second part is my friend and I's way of fixing our hands that wanted to be too low and drift around the crotchular area. It goes like this (again being yelled across an arena):

    Unless you've got a vibrator down there you need to stop playing with yourself!

    (Variations of "stop playing with yourself" therefore repeated at necessary intervals)

    Gotta love how a combination of embarrassment/rudeness is a quick and easy training fix :)

  7. Who knew dressage could be fixed with weird dirty images

  8. Hahaha that's awesome! I'll never forget Dressage Curmudgeon's fix for Hunter hands ;) It sure fixed mine!

  9. Holy shit, I love this. Can't wait to see the end result!

  10. tall straight and hard. i dig it. lol

  11. I actually noticed in your last set of photos that you weren';t looking at his head! Good job!

  12. Am so going to use this with my friends when the occasion arises. And for myself!

  13. I am LMAO!!! You should sell bonnet attachments - tall, straight and hard!

  14. This is the best blog post ever. Omg I love it.

  15. I've looked down my whole life but I haven't tried this technique yet! Sounds effective!

  16. Maybe you could go into business with De La Coeur. Also, thanks for the heads-up for why there will now be multiple people yelling, "PENIS!" in dressage warm-ups the world over.

  17. Rotfl!!!! Well, whatever works!!!!

  18. OMG, I'm never going to look down again.

  19. I have a lesson tonight and one of my "omg please fix this" bullet points is looking down...must remember this!

  20. Again late to the party, but I'm one of those weird people that if I am going to follow a blog I have to start from the beginning. This is the post that inspired me to go allll the way back. I've been terribly unproductive but your blog is amazing.


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