IT RIDES THE HORSE

Back when my car acted as a mechanical brake for a much larger truck, the doctor told me I wouldn't ride for a while and I was like "BLAH BLAH BLAH I AM MOCKING YOUR OVERLY CONSERVATIVE DIAGNOSIS". 

Cough.

That was December 2. 

I didn't sit on a horse again until January 20, at which point I realized my physical therapist was not kidding around about my body not working, which I guess I'd already figured out from how I hadn't been able to function normally in well over a month and spent Christmas on the couch in pain, but you know. Slow learner sometimes. 

My first time back on Courage, I felt like one of those inflatable punching bag-clowns that wobbles around and has no legs. 

why is there not a gif of this

Side note: if you ever get sent to PT, GO. It is the most amazing thing ever. The ninja goddess gave me my life back. 

Anyways. I worked very, very hard in and out of therapy and did all my exercises and carefully followed all the instructions because I didn't just want to ride one time--I wanted to get better and be a normal person again. 

And finally, this happened:

BAY EARS

I even made another boarder video because I was so excited that I felt good enough to get on and walk for 20 minutes. 

don't worry, i didn't video all 20 minutes

It's crazy how much can change in what was basically two months away from riding. Courage spent that time lunging and going in circles with no changes of direction to speak of. I spent them losing fitness and compensating for pain. 

you don't need a pic of me on the couch

I'm on the upswing now, but it's a long road back. Courage is a very narrow horse, but it felt like my hips and pelvis were getting stretched WAAAAAAY out because I haven't done anything like riding in so long. I'm definitely not trotting-ready. My reflexes are not there and my balance is a bit tenuous. I kept to the "safe" end of the arena and we spent a good chunk of time standing and watching the other horse go around because I just didn't feel ready to tackle a spook or a lot of tension. 

I want to just fire on all cylinders and go for it, but realistically, I can't. I'm trying to ease back into my life. 

I have to think of it like reconditioning a horse after a long layoff. We're going to walk until I feel balanced and comfortable and like my reflexes are actually keeping up. I'm going to try and supplement that with walking my dogs and getting back into pilates (carefully, but PT said it was a good idea). 

Hopefully, Courage can go back into training soon, but I don't want him getting fitter/more reactive than I can handle before I'm ready, so jury is out on that one. 

And I hate to admit it, but the stupid concussion is still slowing me down substantially. I have almost no emotional filter and I get overwhelmed really easily. I try to do one thing a day, and if that doesn't work out, my couch still loves me. 

and this teeny sassy dog loves me too

It's stupid. I hate it. I hate that I'm not the person I was and I can't do the things I used to, but that's where I'm at and that's what I have to deal with, so there it is. 

and i wore my sparkle helmet like a badass

So yes. I rode my horse and it was awesome and you should have seen the proud little look on his adorable face like "yay am riding horse again best at horsing", but I just enjoyed the moment and didn't take a picture.