30 Things Blog Hop

Thanks to Amanda for starting, Liz for making it cool, Leah for forcing me to brainstorm, T for 100% agreeing that publishing lists on the internet is ill-advised, and all of the above for being awesome anyways.

why yes i did order this

Without further ago, here are 30 indispensable facts about me that you were definitely dying to know.

1) I am deeply suspicious of lists that reveal personal information on the internet.

2) I've read War and Peace for fun. Twice. And Moby Dick. And Atlas Shrugged is next on my list because of Jen. (See also: nerd.)

3) If I had my life to do over, I'd be a professor at a university or a heavy equipment mechanic, with job prospects, job security, and pay grade inclining me towards the latter.

meet dik dik jesus

4) I hate fish. Alive. Dead. All of them. 

5) I never wanted to be a vet.

6) I never wanted to be a horse trainer. 

wish i'd trained her to do this

7) I was a ballroom dancer in college. Still miss it.

8 )  If you think horse people have drama, you haven't met dancers. 

9) I've never played an organized team sport in my life.

10) I've always wanted to win a belt buckle but never participated in a sport that dispensed them. 

me RN

11) I think pie is overrated.

12) Same with cake.

13) I once made my own costume to go to a fantasy movie premier. There are pictures. 

guess that might not surprise you

14) My first car was the same age as me.

15) I like to drive down roads just to see where they go.

16) My favorite music is female-fronted symphonic euro-metal. 

17) I don't read non-fiction.

31. my favorite animal is dik diks

18) I love cheese and pasta.

19) I got married so young people thought I was in a weird cult.

20) I didn't join a weird cult until much later.

pictured: the cult as dik diks

21) I don't read horse blog posts about dogs. But I do like dogs.

22) I actually don't like cats.

23) Cats also don't like me.

24) I always hated teeny dogs until I got one and now I'm obsessed with him.

no one can even in the face of Teeny

25) I rarely read books written in the last century. That's how you can be sure all the shitty ones got filtered out.

26) I rarely watch tv that's more than a couple years old because I want to be entertained RIGHT NOW and have no patience.

27) I hate watching videos. I'm a fast reader. Don't waste my time.

i am one self important dik dik

28) I delete more friends than i add on Facebook, but consider myself relatively extroverted. Relatively is probably a key term here.

32) and i regularly consider changing this gerenuk to my profile pic

29) The only constellation I can pick out on a regular basis is Orion. Sometimes the big dipper, but I always see Orion first.

30) I live 30 minutes from a ski resort and don't ski. I mean, I did ski a couple times, but there are only so many dangerous, time consuming, expensive hobbies a girl can have.

ZB conquers all

Winter Sports with Intertwined Technicolor Rings (tm)

You might notice it's been quiet around here.

You might think that's because it's cold AF and I'm sick AF and second winter is the f****** g****** worst.

That's a fact.

However. Champions are made in the offseason or whatever, so here's a medal-level breakdown of activities around here.

fanceh

Halter-plate attaching: SILVER MEDAL

This could have been a craft project if it didn't involve the actual use of tools, but it did and since craft projects involve beverages and tools involve clear-headed-ness, it unfortunately does not get it's own write up. That said. I probably would have done a write up had I gotten to use my beloved air riveter because power tools are where it's at.

Oh and it's technically only silver medal level because I didn't have lock-tight for the chicago screws so I probably need to get some. Annoying.

fanceh

Dressage-practicing: GOLD MEDAL

Ok yeah maybe we only did this once but 1) it was with a media person and 2) ZB continues to blow me away with her willingness and ability to retain information.

CRUSHED IT.

fanceh

Indoor-arena-demolition-derby: GOLD MEDAL

Yeaaaaaaah so if I don't feel like riding (hello 14f this is why you have no friends), I just let ZB wander the arena and knock shit down while I laugh hysterically and take video.

Possibly I am no one's favorite boarder. Possibly I don't care.

fanceh

Bareback-toodling: SILVER MEDAL

Yeah for real I need to do this more.

ha yes zb wins

Mounting-block-fixing-aka-horse-legos: GOLD MEDAL

For whatever reason, ZB's favorite thing in the world is to flip the mounting block over and push it around. I have thus far discouraged her from climbing up on it as well, but she'd be game for that too.

<3

Snuggling-with-teeny-dog: GOLD MEDAL

Buying-stock-in-dayquil: champion of the world

Marathoning-entire-netflix-show-and-reading-two-500+page-books-in-a-weekend-and-a-sick-day: ugh yup welcome to my life.

Hopefully back to our regularly scheduled programming here shortly.

You know, after the next stupid storm dumps a foot of snow on us YES IN MARCH WTF.

Hos Gonna Ho (Part 582,671)

Well. 

So.

A lot of you are being all "frugal" and "admirable" and "responsible" and saying shit like "oh yeah totes not shopping because of [insert adulty reason here]".

I would never presume to denigrate that sentiment because we are all on different journeys and your path might not be isn't mine.

I do respect your choices though, and I want to demonstrate that to you by sending all the things I thought about lately and REALLY WANTED but DID NOT ACTUALLY BUY. (Well ok I mean not "all the things" because that list would be daunting, but here's a good sampling of things I wanted to pull the trigger on BUT IN FACT DID NOT).

This TOTES GORG blue stripe set from PS of Sweden

This BLOODY BRILLIANT set by Le Mieux

This trophy I clearly deserved

This horse statue

this to-die-for OS purple double ombre patent leather Otto Schumacher browband

Or the thoughtfully-detailed matching custom purple Otto Schumacher bridle

Even though there was a DROOL WORTHY Mattes pad to match

and none of these hats

not this jackalope

nor these highly-appropriate socks

I know you're sitting there like "omfg SB! You are a model of frugality and moderation!", to which I'd say in the face of such temptations, I did pretty damn well. Particularly given how bad I wanted everything Otto.

One or two of you might be like "but think of poor ZB! She has almost no things at all and she probably doesn't even think you love her and and DIDNT I SEE A SWAG BRAG PIC ON SOCIAL MEDIA?"

Well yes. I just wanted to be sure you understood that however much money I may or may not have spent at a tack store, it was still far, far less than it might have been. (Particularly if Otto had just jumped off the rack into my pile.)

yeah this pic

I traveled to a city with a big local tack store. I knew I kind of wanted a particular set of boots for ZB and I kind of had an inkling that I wanted to touch halters. I took my (total shopper) sister with me. Girl doesn't know horses but she knows shopping and quality.

That escalated quickly.

I mean, it started pretty innocuously. I found a pair of Kerrits gloves on clearance for like $10.

Put it in the pile.

also pictured: excellent taste in socks

Plus then there was a $90 pair of Majyk Equipe hind dressage boots in white on sale for $25, and I'd be stupid not to get them. (Pro tip: admitting the truth to yourself that your drafty baby needs large front boots and XL hinds might sting initially, but you can find killer deals on dinosaur sizes.)

So they went in the pile. 

...don't overanalyze this

Then it was grooming basics--hard to say no to a purple tail brush and matching curry mitt. Just a couple of bucks, right? 

PILE. 

I touched saddles (they comically topped out at a wide, which like, giggle snort, ZB could maybe wear as a hat except her brain is real big too) and taught non-horsey sister about French vs German vs English leather. She is now a French snob. 

Then we played with bridles and I DID NOT buy the loooooovely edgewood that was screaming my name. I waltzed right past it into the leather halter section. 

(See how many things have not gone in a pile?) 

this was tasty

I'll be honest and admit I've never had a Walsh halter and that I've been drooling on them for years and that I have a massive tack boner for flat raised fancy stitch nosebands and that havana leather is my favorite color of leather and that I hate adjustable chins and love nice halters. 

And I don't know, a fancy stitch Walsh halter just sort of fell into my hands. 

You guys. 

It was real beautiful. 

I was just trying to keep the drool off it and sort of stumbling back towards the rack to hang it up and newly-converted-leather-snob sister snatched it out of my hands and was like PUT IT IN THE PILE. 

And I was like "but $!" and sister was like "EVALUATE PILE LATER", so we moved on to the boot section. 

spoiler alert

I touched some things, and then I saw what I really needed. 

I've been in love with those Equillibrium bumpy polo boot thingys since... hahaha. Well. I had mixed feelings on them until I got to play with Karen's and then T and Leah can tell you that I won't shut up about them the lately. 

And remember how I'm learning to accept that my baby horse is kinda giant and needs dinosaur clothes? 

It puts the boots in the pile or it gets the hose again. 

spoiler alert #2

I WILL HAVE YOU KNOW that I then looked at polos and bell boots and helmets and breeches and human clothes etc and added NOTHING ELSE to the pile (that I currently remember). I mean, this was when I spotted purple Otto and browband, but I didn't even let myself touch that for fairly obvious reasons. (Plus leather-snob-sister probably would have had to point out that Otto bridles are way too much $$$ for the quality. Killjoy.) 

Fortunately, my pile-analyzing skills are super fly, so I carefully went through item-by-item and then was like #YOLO and bought the whole thing. I mean. I thought about passing on the lonely pair of ME boots, but it seemed irresponsible not to buy them. 

plus they fit so nicely in the cat bag

And that is the story about how while it might LOOK like I spent a shit ton of money at a tack store, it was really WAY LESS than it could have been. 

Plus omg. The pretties. 

#Zoëfabulous

I can be a little bit partisan about my horses, as in I always assume they are the best and get a little defensive if people imply they are other than perfect. This particularly applies to the special ones (Cuna and now Zoë).

SMOOSH

Example:

Me: How is training going?
Trainer: Well her steering isn't very good so we worked on it...
Me: 11/10 I can get this horse in and out of more places than any "fancy dressage horse" in this barn right now.
Trainer: ummmm ok?

Cough.

Possibly a recounting of actual events.

what no it doesn't count as me having 5 saddles in the tack room if i don't actually own all of them

However.

I also think that 1) a horse that can only be ridden by one person isn't really trained and 2) all people should appreciate just how fabulous my Zoebird is.

Hence, the past week has been marked by this:

Zoëbird has been #Zoëfabulous because who are we kidding, she always is.

And that's not me being partisan. It's just the truth. Ha!

Houston, We're Out of Pixie Dust

If you've known me for ten minutes, you know I like tack. I like buying tack. I like to turn over inventory quickly. I like playing with new things. I like knowing about lots of different things.

It might surprise you to know that there's one piece of tack that I've had my entire adult equestrian life without replacing or selling.

2011 on the Hellmare

It's a super basic Nunn Finer hunt breastplate.

And it's magical.

I swear.

2012 on Cuna

I bought it to match a bridle I no longer own.

I used it when I worked in a busy training barn.

It fit literally everything from ponies to giant Irish draught types and everything in between. It's classic. It's super adjustable. It's sturdy.

2014 on C-Rage

It's just a solid piece of tack that's good to have around. 

Naturally, when I got Zoebird, it went on her too. 

2017 on ZB

I like having something to grab on babies and the adjustability meant I just changed a few things and off we went. 

Until. 

Well. 

Zoe is no wilting Victorian heroine. She's bold and strong and intelligent and well, she has curves that she is growing in to. 

You think I'm joking. 

she's a lovely lady

In the last two weeks, we went from a 48" to a 52" girth.

And the other night while tacking up, I saw this:

look past the haircut

Look close:

uh oh

If that looks like a Zoebird lady who is about to bust out of her horse size breastcollar to you, then yeah. We're on the same page. 

Apparently the magical Nunn Finer has finally run out of pixie dust. 

nope that is definitely not her bum peeking out of an 84" quarter sheet

Any recommendations on a new breastplate? I need size "real big". 

Newton's a Bitch

Let's just take a moment to appreciate how I rode through C's antics for FOUR YEARS and never really even came that close to falling off.

hm that's sky

Cough.

Well.

is it douchy to post screen shots? maybe? 

So. 

After the clinic that completely kicked my ass, I spent a day crippling around not going to my barn. Then yesterday I thought a fun idea would be to toodle bareback (despite clinician being like MARCHING WALK NOT TOODLE NO) (whatever) (#toodle4lyf). 

So we toodled and chatted.

Helped trainer teach lessons.

ZB NOSE ON TRAINER LADY YAS

I was feeling all happy and confident and comfortable and like lalalala not paying attention.

Annnnnnd I thought Zoe saw the nice lady walk up to the arena gate, but she did not.

So she stepped slightly to the left like O HAI LADY I IS ZB.

comfy comfy couch

And between me having zero tone in my muscles and Zoe being roughly couch-shaped, I slid off the side.

Landed on my feet.

Grabbed mane to catch my balance.

Tripped over a ground pole.

Fell on my ass.

shame selfie. Zoe not impressed.

Giggle.

The lady was absolutely mortified (for existing, apparently) and I was dying laughing.

Zoe was pretty confused why I was not on her anymore. I smooshed her smooshy face, then got back on.

U HOKAY MOM

ZB WILL GET ON THIS

So there you go. Apparently bolting OTTB doesn't begin to unseat me, but slightly side stepping baby draftie is my undoing.

And yes, if I was sitting up and riding and MARCH NOT TOODLE and ONETWOTHREEFOUR, I probably wouldn't have fallen off. Oh well. Had to happen sometime.