I Pay A Trainer and I Like It

I am totally "that amateur" right now. My trainer rides my horse. I'm not there for it. I don't know what they do unless I ask (I don't require neurotic updates since I don't actually think my horse will kill said trainer). I barely know what she eats. I don't document every detail of every day and track patterns and obsess over every moment.

ZB R WANT OWN MINIATURE HOOMAN

When I go to the barn, I mess around. I don't even always hold on to the reins.



I spend a lot more time toodling and feeding treats and watching ZB knock shit down than actually "training".

can you even? you cannot.

Part of me justifies it by saying I don't want to fry Zoe or push her too hard. She's still a growing baby and no one wins if she thinks work hurts.

Even when I have grand illusions of showing up and like "training" or something, I'm easily sidetracked by finding a western saddle that actually fits my 55 gallon drum of a horse and then staging "Old West" looking photos in the dressage arena. (Note to self: walk 100' to the sagebrush next time you're in this mood.)

Needs windmill 

Like right now--the biggest thing Zoe is struggling with is body awareness.

I haven't started her in a 12 step program. We aren't obsessing over cavaletti and jumping small fences and whatever. I'm not freaking out at all. At. All. 

We're planning to do a bunch of trail riding this summer. 

I figure that will help her. 

photo by Courage Has Opinions

I did actually get my rear in gear and "do dressage" one day this weekend. 

omg baby mare!

Let me tell you something. 

um hellooooo

Being "that amateur" is freaking awesome. 

Her good moments are lovely. Her bad moments are sane. I get to enjoy the progress right now without being the one putting in long hours in the irons.

It's hard to explain. After 4 years of having to read every muscle twitch and ride every day and be on my A game for every moment, it is unbelievably relaxing to just... not.

hair goals

Every day, Zoebird is the horse I always wanted. She takes the stress out of horsemanship. 

Training the Not-Hot Horse: Again

Courage challenged me every day and left me with a huge amount of baggage, but one thing I credit to him is the leaps and bounds forward I made as a thinking horseman. I don't mean technical riding skills and the "looking pretty" polish that wins the show ring, but the day-to-day intelligence, flexibility, and introspection that makes a horseman.

Now I have a horse that is decidedly not-Courage. I can't get over how relatively easy she is to work with, but at the same time, the skills that Courage brought me are the skills that are going to shape Zoë. While she is a horse that would let me "get away with" more, I think she is going to be that much better of a horse because I can be more educated in how I approach her.

definitely not courage

For example. Zoëbird is a baby. She's nearly doubled in size in the last few months. She's still growing. And yeah, sometimes she's not real sure where all her legs are going. In the present, I want to help develop her body awareness and teach her to carry her front end. In the future, I would like her to jump small courses safely.

such a cute lil buffalo

In pursuit of that, we do cavaletti from time to time. Because Zoëbird is her own sort of lady and not mindlessly hot, I've had to adapt how I work with her. She's very intelligent and doesn't require many repetitions to figure something out, which is good, because her idea of a good time is not just running for an hour.

However. Sometimes you introduce multiple cavaletti in a row and you get something that looks like this:

I R TRIPPIN MUM
(video here if interested)

We worked on it a couple different ways and things just weren't improving consistently. I rewarded good tries with immediate breaks. Kept her trotting if things weren't right. Kept things calm and simple.

It just wasn't her day.

But you know what? The next day, I set cavaletti again (snow was sliding off the roof and I didn't want to ride. sue me). (And yeah, ZS ZB gives the amount of shits you would expect. It's my brain that's the problem.)

The little lady had thought things through and her very first pass, she slowed her cadence, lifted her shoulders, and freakin' cavaletti'ed like a champion.

VERRY CAREFUL TROTTIN

This weekend, I got my first lesson on Zoë since she started training. I'm riding consistently on my own and I verbally check in with the trainer after pretty much every ride, but I'm not able to be present for them and I haven't have the time for a lesson until now. My rides look like what you'd expect from an ammy rider on a sweet but clueless baby mare (video here if you're super interested).

WUT R LESSON MUM

It was so valuable to me to have my trainer stand there and put the disjointed thoughts I've had about our rides into coherent sentences that make sense and then give me strategies to address our weaknesses. For example, I've noticed that Zoë sort of goes NEEEROOOOOOOOM down the long side with mirrors, but when we come back on the other side, she piddles around and I can barely keep her going. I've been trying to kick her forward in the slow moments and slow my posting when we're zooming with ah "mixed results".

not related but stinking adorable

Trainer said right off the bat: "Your horse doesn't have good natural rhythm so you need to post definitively and SET THE RHYTHM FOR HER."

Oh.

Yeah that's a good idea.

It super worked too. Huh. Trainers are magic.

Because see. Courage was a horse with a very light touch--he'd baaaaaarely take a contact and overreact to every tiny thing. Zoë is intelligent and sensitive and lovely (and I adore her), but learning to ride her is a whole new world. On her, I can pick up the reins and have a little contact. I can post definitively. I can actually think about what my body is doing and work on myself (even now!) because her default is to slow down and take a break.

so lovely

And again--I am not the anti-Courage committee. That horse taught me a lot of things, but riding him was and had to be very intuitive and instinctual because there was not time to think in the saddle.

I understand intellectually that I need to ride with my fingers closed, thumbs up, and elbows mobile. I can explain biologically that there is a tendon running through my arm that is locked when my hands are flat and mobile when my thumbs are up. I KNOW that open fingers just mean useless reins bouncing on the horse's mouth and closed fingers with mobile elbows is the route to steady, soft contact.

I know those things.

MUM R NOT SUPER GUD AT LERNIN

But when trotting my nice little mare (who doesn't even go on the bit yet), trainer got us to a place with good balance for a few strides and in those strides, I actually felt the reason why all those things mattered. It's hard to explain. I'm not saying we became dressage pros or magically better, but just her limited acceptance of the contact was still light years better than I've been on in a while and it was this sort of blinding flash of like OH I GET IT NOW.

And then it was gone, because that's the nature of things right now, but like.

Just that one moment was enough to excite me.

Zoë is going to keep teaching me about how to learn, but the places she will take me?

Cannot. Wait.

What a stellar lady.

very tired. can wait.

#Zoëfabulous

I can be a little bit partisan about my horses, as in I always assume they are the best and get a little defensive if people imply they are other than perfect. This particularly applies to the special ones (Cuna and now Zoë).

SMOOSH

Example:

Me: How is training going?
Trainer: Well her steering isn't very good so we worked on it...
Me: 11/10 I can get this horse in and out of more places than any "fancy dressage horse" in this barn right now.
Trainer: ummmm ok?

Cough.

Possibly a recounting of actual events.

what no it doesn't count as me having 5 saddles in the tack room if i don't actually own all of them

However.

I also think that 1) a horse that can only be ridden by one person isn't really trained and 2) all people should appreciate just how fabulous my Zoebird is.

Hence, the past week has been marked by this:

Zoëbird has been #Zoëfabulous because who are we kidding, she always is.

And that's not me being partisan. It's just the truth. Ha!

Bootcamp Begins!

I'm naturally a very driven person who tends to be a little high strung. Which, whatever. That sort of personality is why I can have a horse as an adult--self aware enough to work on my own, motivated enough to make it happen when things are hard.

and i use dik dik pics as emojis

I aspire to be honest in this space, so without saying anything negative about past four legs, let's just agree that the level of explosiveness I have dealt with in the winter especially took it's toll on me.

In a twist I hadn't thought about, I really don't ride in the indoor arena at all except in the winter after work, when I am usually alone. And the weather is bad.

Which means I'm addressing demons I'd completely forgotten about.

With a four year old.

Who has limited buttons.

sometimes you gotta gallop for SEVERAL STRIDES

That has made the past couple of weeks interesting in that WOW I did not realize how far behind the curve I am mentally.

I think the whole thing shows up in an even more ridiculous light because of how completely and utterly non-plussed Zoe is by all of it. Like. I mean. The indoor arena footing got redone. There are now dressage letters on the wall and (gasp!) a black mark where a tractor tire grazed the wall. Most other horses in work are apparently losing their shit over the offending mark.

it's over there somewhere

And has ZS Zoebird so much as batted an eye?

No.

She has not.

oh look a mildly interesting tarp billowing in gusting wind
whatevsies

What's more, I'd say she's been foot-perfect indoors, but that would be leaving out just how incredible the little lady is. Not only have her feet been perfect, but she's totally willing and on-task and just... wonderful.

I mean, I gush over her, but that's because she's pretty freaking amazing.

also totes adorbs

Anyways.

I certainly have my issues to sort through and I will, but they're the sort of thing that take time and patience and repetition, which again, is fine. It's just not the best for advancing Zoe's training, because she already understands how to toodle around on a long rein while mom remembers how to breathe.

meme via Courage Has Opinions

I was planning to stick Zoe in pro training starting next month, but our trainer had room in her schedule to start this month. It's turning out to be a great arrangement--Zoe gets competent, focused rides twice a week by my trainer. I ride on the weekends and as I have time during the week. If my brain needs to toodle or do groundwork or whatever, it's fine because I know the training is still happening.

And the less pressure is on me, the more I'm able to pull it together and actually have a good time. I'm learning that when I ask Zoe to go, she puts her little head down and just motors and you know what?

closest thing i have to riding media right now haha

It's pretty damn fun.

Better Together

Phase one of professional (half) training for Courage was two rides a week with our trainer. I knew he needed an education and I don't have the knowledge base to give it to him and it's freaking impossible to try and teach something when you have no idea what you're doing.

but cute?

That was September. I was able to watch half the rides he got and he made excellent progress.

But.

You might notice that the larger part of our problem was me and to this point, I haven't really enhanced my own education. I mean, yeah, I audit lessons and clinics and I know a lot of theory and that's nice, but riding is so much more about feel and you can't learn that from a book.

cough obviously

So this week begins phase two of pro (half) training. Courage still gets one pro ride a week, but now our other session is a lesson. We kicked it off this week and even had Alyssa on hand to document! I always love media and I'm super excited to share it with you. (As a rule, I don't share media of my trainer riding because she's not interested in being an internet star.)

will share shots of trainer on the ground

It's hard to write this lesson up in an interesting way. I mean, I don't have any crazy stories or fantastic fail pictures.

Courage kept his brain in his head and tried hard for me the entire ride. That's HUGE for us, but it's kinda normal for most people I think? Not sure. I got really excited when trainer referred to Courage as a second level horse, but of course that was in the context of "he's learning to be a second level horse now" and explaining why we had to step something up, not like "goddamn he's ready to go out at second now". Whatever. Still exciting.

right lead canter with no explosions!!

We made little changes, not big ones. She had me ask for more of everything--more bend, more softness, more forward, more relaxation. I assume this is true with most every horse, but so much of riding Courage is just plain feel. If I become electric and say HORSE GO NAOW because I want forward, he will flip his shit. If I ask him to be more soft and reach more and give when he gives, all of a sudden, I have this super amazing trot that's way, way better than anything I've ridden on him before.

i will take this.

This applies to every aspect of how I ride--give to him more, release more, get his neck longer, and ultimately, he gives me much more. It's all great, it just means relearning how to feel what "correct" is for him right now. I was already able to articulate that I wanted him deeper and lower so he wasn't stuck in a false frame, but I wasn't able to consistently get him to where I wanted him. Now I can.

butt!

I call this particular professional intervention "relationship counseling". Courage is finally in a place where he shows up to work and (mostly) says yes ma'am, but now I'm figuring out what exactly I need him to say yes to.

thinking cap on

Houston, We Have a Problem

It's a real serious problem too.

teeny dog is on the case

See, Courage started his trainer rides last week. I got a ride report on one and I got to watch the other. They were fine. He didn't magically turn into a confirmed third level packer (dammit). He wasn't so much brilliant as solid. He tried hard, he learned, he tried pushing trainer's buttons because sometimes you just gotta live the asshole life.

Whatever. It's great.

So basically, I put a nice ride on him Monday, then trainer rode Tuesday when I wasn't there, then I toodled with him Wednesday, and I watched trainer ride Thursday. That means I hadn't really "ridden" since trainer rides started until I tried to ride him Friday.

TRIED.

and OMG trainer broke my horse.

And not in the way that I expected. See, I wanted to get on and make sure he didn't think asshole life was a thing that was ok. He'd been a little naughty about his right lead, so we were going to do a bunch of right lead canter go get that shit SORTED OUT.

Except not.

Because wtf all of a sudden C is like "bitch please. you want canter? you have to sit up and hold the contact and keep your leg on and use your seat in the magical dressage way and THEN I WILL THINK ABOUT IT."

he's a diva. what can i say?

Dude. Horse. I have trained you to half ass it for three years now and we both know that if I sort of tip forward and throw away the contact and maybe take my leg off, that OBVIOUSLY means canter.

Except not anymore.

Now he has STANDARDS and EXPECTATIONS and I actually have to ride. Which BY THE WAY, is freakishly hard and not my norm. It was so hard I even bitched about it to my friends.

said friends not overly sympathetic

You don't mess around with ass cramps, ok?

I'm not sure I'm ok with this development.

Photo Perfection: Pro Edition

I am relatively public about my equine life and I get lots of feedback from people I've never met on the internet. Most of it is positive, some of it is weird, and some of it is super shitty. But I'm the one that chose to be public.

identity concealed to protect innocent parties

If you follow Courage Has Opinions on instagram, you've probably recognized fellow bloggers and their horses on there. Those shots were all sent to me to become memes and are used with the direct permission of the featured riders of the horses. (And if you want to be featured, definitely send along a fail. It keeps me pretty entertained).

Courtesy of Confessions of a Dressage Barbie

Those riders have something in common: they're not professionals. They don't have a special image to maintain. They aren't selling their skills to the equine public. There are certainly the rare pros who are ok with fail pictures, but most of those specialize in green horses with green moments and their market understands that green things happen. (Not all. Most.)

But that's just it: I CAN feature fail photos because I don't have anything riding on this. Pun somewhat intended. I don't get paid more or less or gain or lose clients because of anything to do with horses, but that is 100% the case with a professional. They are their business and the images of them that circulate the internet can definitely haunt them.

As a blogger, I try to be very upfront with the equine professionals I've worked with--my blog is about me and my horse. Period. I don't snitch on clients, I don't share gossip, and I most certainly don't run professionals through the mud without very, very, VERY good reason (seriously two years later that post is still getting comments). Now that Courage is in training with a professional (omg!), there are some different factors at play.

me in the irons

I have trusted Courage's training to my trainer and the work she is doing is not up for internet dissection. Period. I'm not quite sure how I'm going to handle this on the blog--I've very happy with the progress he's making. I'm very confident in my trainer's abilities and I love her way with horses.

But she didn't sign up to get attacked by the clown wagon and I DO NOT want there to be an assumption that if you ride a blogger's horse, you go on the internet. Her agreement is with me and Courage and that's all.

clown wagon represent!

So as I decide how to process and share (or not) this next section of our relationship, help me out. What are you standards for sharing pictures/media  of a professional on your horse? On their horse? What is their assumption of privacy? How do you chose to represent those in the equine industry on your personal blog or social media?

First Day of School

We did some last minute school shopping. 

#regretnothing

Cleaned all the tack, rolled all the polos, and picked up the things we weren't using anymore.

clean pads stacked where the jump saddle used to go

Tidied up the tack trunk.

#dqstatus

I even recruited Lindsey to come out and take some last minute back-to-school photos.

so fancy!

I can't be at the barn for all our trainer rides, which I think is better--I trust my trainer and I want her to get to know C without me hovering or coloring her experience (well, sometimes) (and possibly I'm stalking my phone for an update). I'm also trying to use my (gasp!) barn-less days to do some personal development. I restarted pilates and my making some hopefully-sustainable life cahnges to allow me to be a better rider for Courage.

ooooo canter!

We're in the cool place of needing training rides not because Courage is wild and crazy and hard to deal with, but because he's doing awesome and ready to move on. Really excited to see where this phase takes us.