2016 Year in Review

These are my favorite posts of the year! I love looking back at everyone's adventures and remembering what we got through. Here goes.

JANUARY

Not much changes about January. It's a shitty month with bad weather, which prompts survivalist posts like "The Winter Rider" where I talk about making smart choices to not die.

It also prompts thinking posts like "Training the Sensitive Horse" where I reflect on the type of horse Courage is and the best ways to get through to him. And sappy posts about trust and relationships, like this one.

january trotting!

FEBRUARY

Apparently the weather finally decided to be less horrible, because Courage and I got ourselves back in regular(ish) lessons. In Learning Lessons, we used our trainer as a relationship counselor and started figuring out hard to get through the hard parts together. 

And then there was the Fantastic or Insane post where I talked about starting to bridge the gap between Courage being nuts and Courage being rideable. We actually had a lesson where I rode the whole time and he kept his brain in his head. Proggress! 

feb trotting!

And who can forget that one time Lindsey and I went complete nuts and bought a pile of shit from India! 

MARCH

Our relationship continued changing in March. Courage was learning how to trust me, and I was realizing that riding better meant deep ass soreness. 

Plus I started experimenting with dressage saddles and had the most amazing fail contest ever.

march trotting! (early precious sighting)

APRIL

I mentioned I was trying saddles. 

That escalated quickly. I fell in love and sold a good chunk of the hoard to afford it.

On a riding front, things were very mixed. Courage went to his first show of the year and freaking killed it at training level (70% WHAT WHAT). At home, he was a nut job who wouldn't let me catch him in the field.

april show trotting

MAY

May was basically one start-to-finish shitshow. As per the usual, I guess. 

We had out first level debut at a schooling show. Day one was bad, day two was worse. 

After that, I snarked at people who felt the need to run me down and opted out of paying through the nose to go fail at recognized shows.

may trotting!

Disappointing is the best thing I can say about that month.

JUNE

In June, we rallied and tried to go to another show. It. Was. Terrible. 

I struggled with whether to keep Courage. I got laid off from my job. I got super depressed and decked my horse out like he was going to a show.

June trotting

I started seeing some progress on the lunge line from our consistency under saddle, but it was not really making up for the rest of my life.

JULY

This month at least started out on a better note--I wrote a guide to the hot, emotional horse and talked about how the little things added up to game changers for Courage. I also got my job back, which is a game changer for me. 

We celebrated our three year anniversary together and he stepped out of the closet. I apparently failed at getting any under-saddle kickass trotting pictures, but we did canter sometimes.

Years in a row of posting every weekday was wearing on me though.

AUGUST

I was dealing with heavy personal issues and piling internet dumbasses on top proved to be too much to handle, so I signed off for a bit. Even with his struggles, Courage was helping me deal with life. 

I started reflecting on the process of developing a horse without getting bogged down in the daily details. Courage and I revisited our jumper roots (with mixed results). 

August trotting

We ended the month with new sparkles and a new appreciation for the partnership we were building.

SEPTEMBER

September ushered us in to a new era--Courage started pro training. I also discovered that a horse in training expects to be ridden by people who know what they're doing.

I also audited a Tik Maynard clinic that helped me think about how and why I did what I did with Courage. 

september trotting

I also wrote a craft how-to for people who don't craft. It's harder than you'd think.

OCTOBER

We kicked things into gear on the training front--I got myself into lessons and Courage was developing well. I had a family crisis that entailed skipping a lot of barn days and buying a lot of tack. 

We also tried out some new bodywork stuff that went really well. We even signed up for an open show. 

october trotting

What could possibly go wrong? 

NOVEMBER

For reasons that I'm sure are COMPLETELY UNRELATED to 2016 taking a massive dump all over me, November landed me back on the struggle bus in terms of Courage. Our open show was a catastrophe, Courage was increasingly worse at home, and I wasn't coping well. 

I did come up with a plan and ride in a clinic, but things were not good.

November Trotting

DECEMBER

December is pretty anti-climactic. I had an inspired revelation about why my horse was a complete lunatic, but then my poor car got blown to smithereens and I still haven't recovered. 

I was trying to stay consistent with the pro training, but the weather and the horse are stubbornly determined to not cooperate. Courage might be back under saddle this week. Or maybe not til February. 

yeah let's think that one through carefully

I can't say I'm sad to see 2016 go. It's been a pretty terrible year on a lot of levels. Despite all that, I've learned a lot and hey, if you examine my monthly trotting pictures, there is definitely progress shown. 

Onwards and upwards! 

TBT: Cuna-style, Thanksgiving-style

such a fun weekend

I'm taking a deep breath this fall and emotionally processing all the things that have happened this year. Part of that is just talking about Cuna again--remembering who he was and what he meant to me. So here's a quick look back to fall of 2012. Cuna was still in work and doing great at the show barn.

In September, Cuna and I road tripped it up to the mountains for some specialized instruction and (my favorite!) trail riding under the trees. I'm still sad that we only took pictures on the day with little jumps, but Cuna and I did some of our best work ever. I should have been a little more dorky and measured one vertical. I think it was 3'3", but it might have been 3'6". It was bar none, the most fun road trip I've ever done with a horse.

great outfits for both

November got cold fast. I didn't know it at the time, but we were in for one of the hardest winters we've had around here. I guess the snowflake polos were quite fitting.

Instead of worrying about that, Cuna and I were focused on developing really quality connection. I had to figure out how to ride effectively and he gave me some incredible work. It was just a taste of what a well schooled horse can do.

Cuna was really the first time I ever got to spend time on a schoolmaster and learn from the horse instead of constantly teaching. If you haven't done that, I highly recommend it.

Ever the gentleman

December was cold and miserable, but a friend of mine who hadn't ridden in years came out and hopped on Cuna on a horrible, windy day.

He was a fireball for me, but he was sweet for her and even put his little nose down like a proper dressage horse.

I know Courage is wildly more talented at dressage now than Cuna was ever going to be, but that's not really the point. Cuna certainly had evasions and definitely threw fits and always expressed his personality, but day to day, I just loved being around him.

He wasn't a horse to me. He wasn't even "the horse". Cuna was one of the strongest personalities I've ever encountered and we just clicked. Call it BFFs, call it bosom buddies, call it love: it doesn't matter. It was a meeting of the minds and melding of lifestyles.

He's why I can't stand to see ammy owners trapped with horses they're scared of and unhappy with. I lived and breathed that horse and thought about him all the time. I was never, ever afraid of him and we attacked new challenges because we knew we'd come through them together.

He gave courage to me.

A Study in Contrasts

I keep wanting to write a big post to introduce all the amazing pictures that Ellie took last week, but first I just HAD to do that conformation study and then I was staring at another shot and realized that there's one more post I needed to write. 

Who remembers Izzy? She was my stunning black bay Oldenburg mare. She was talented and opinionated and so, so bad for me. This was really the trademark picture of us together. She balanced and beautiful, but but always a little behind the vertical and my leg. Gorgeous, but ready to take advantage of any chink in my armor.

And then I was looking through all the pictures Ellie took and I ran across this one. Not only is it an absolutely lovely shot, but it's just so reminiscent of the Izzy picture. The trees in this shot are kind of twisted and scary, but in Izzy's shot, the only scary thing was her.

I guess this is the shot that was always meant to be. Here I am, once again seated on a short coupled, fancy moving, eye catching animal, but this time it's fun and safe and everything it's supposed to be. I didn't care that Courage was having an uncharacteristic wild day--I was having a good time. We're forward and happy and that's what matters the most.

And it's all because of this old man. <3 I know every day that if it wasn't for my time with him, my life would be in a totally different place. I would never have been able to take on Courage without my time with Cuna.

Oh, and we can all just acknowledge that Ellie takes a mean trotting picture. Am I right?

Throwback Thursday

I'm convinced this is one of those things people do when they have nothing else to say. Let's find out.

But she was beautiful

The first horse I ever owned was an Oldenburg mare by the name of Isadora. I got her with a host of issues as a basically unstarted 5 year old who knew she was bigger than the people trying to handle her. I sold her her three years later because I realized that she was just way too much for me to handle.

It was such a tricky process. I'd never dealt with crushing physical fear before and I was always just trying to turn the corner and work through it. I hung on until the very bitter end and I almost walked away from horses because I was so miserable.

I've never thought of myself as a proud person, but I just couldn't wrap my mind around the fact that I needed to admit I was wrong. Fear had become my new normal and I didn't understand that there was another way to live.

And I was terrified

Besides, Izzy was the baby of the mare I'd adored in highschool. I always planned to have her forever. There was no part of my world where Izzy was going to go away, ever.

Letting go of her was incredibly hard. I was living with a "do or die" mentality and I stuck it out through major set backs, painful injuries, and I was always convinced that things were about to get better. We moved in with my favorite trainer because I knew I needed help.

With the trainer, I always felt like we were so close. I was riding better and pushing myself harder and getting closer, but I was still just flat out terrified. Every time I needed to ride a horse, I felt sick. I loved horses on the ground, but I didn't like riding and I was petrified of jumping.

That was my normal.

<3

It wasn't until a kind old red man ambled into my life and turned everything I thought I knew on it's head that I realized there was another way to live. I sold the mare, bought Cuna, and my life has never been the same. It's not that I loved Izzy less--it's that I love Cuna more. I let Izzy find a home where she could be appreciated for who she was and Cuna was everything I ever wanted.

It took every second of Cuna's two years with me to undo all the damage that I did by hanging on to Izzy. Even now, I occasionally have a little anxiety about riding Courage. It's not that he's done anything to earn it, but he's put together a lot like Izzy and that can catch me off guard.

Say hello to C-rage

I'm still very proactive about my confidence. I don't ride horses I don't trust. I push myself and do things to cement the fact that Courage is a new character in my life and just like it isn't fair to him to impose an idea of Cuna, it is equally unfair to treat him like a potential Izzy.

I'll probably never have that fearless abandon and unshakable confidence I thought I had before Izzy, but now that I've been down that road, I know how to make better decisions going forward. It's why I'm a happy horse evangelist. Really and truely, if you aren't happy and loving every minute with your horse (and you're an adult ammy), you're doing it wrong. Life is too short and confidence is too hard won to spend time on an animal that is anything less than fun and safe for where you're at right now.

Ok, well that was fun. Maybe we'll do it again some time.