Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Moving Forward

Thank you all for your kind, wise, and/or understanding words. I've spent way too much time over-analyzing, self-doubting, and making resolutions I can't afford to keep. I've talked to Steph and some of her clients who have been in the same place.

It comes to this: I sold Izzy and am buying Cuna because I want to have fun. I don't want to be afraid anymore. I think that's reasonable.

My comfort zone has expanded in leaps and bounds in the past few months. Me, the arena queen who was afraid of crossrails, now boldly hacks out in groups and alone and jumps verticals without too many second thoughts. That's progress. I got there by 1) finding a suitable horse completely by mistake and 2) getting out and doing it.

Both Steph and her clients brought up that I just plain don't have to do cross country if I don't enjoy it. There are lots of other fun things to do on horseback. They're right, but I'm not quite done. Dammit, I want to enjoy this.

To that end, I've thrown all of this summer's goals out the window. We're going to just get out and see if I can find a comfort zone over solid jumps. We're riding in the clinic at the upcoming derby. We're dropping down to the intro division, where Cuna can literally walk over everything they put in front of us.

We jumped yesterday-a single vertical with a short approach and a lot of options on the back side. I trotted and cantered over it until I could focus on the landing and felt comfortable staying in the middle no matter what spot Cuna picked. We jumped today in a lesson. I felt challenged and interested and capable of answering the questions if I tried really hard, which is right where I need to be.

This was fun.
I don't know what's ahead. I'd like to say we're going to conquer this and move boldly forward, but it's all up in the air right now. Maybe spending time out on course will let me calm down and enjoy myself. Maybe I'll realize it's not for me, at least not right now.

I don't know where we're going exactly, but we're going to find a way to enjoy the whole process.

PS I swear there is video. Sometime, I'll even get to see it.


  1. You made very good choices - they're never easy and they take time - the best thing is you're now having fun!

  2. Smart. Fear is such a tough and frustrating thing to overcome. Take your time and don't get too annoyed with yourself (easier said than done, I know!). Keep on kicking!

  3. Good choices. The more you jump the little things where you can fully concentrate on your seat, the better it will all become and the bigger fences will become easier and easier.

    Just take your time and yes, have fun!!

  4. I think you are making very sensible decisions, even when they're not easy. *hugs*

  5. Aimee maybe if you can find a place to do cross country try riding arena non solid jumps and getting used to just jumping out in the open. I know this might be surprising but I was terrified of cross country at one point and this is how I started just try maybe it will help confidence, it did for me!

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  7. You and Cuna are going to own that cross country course, you can totally do it if that is what you chose- if not I KNOW that you will do well in whatever you chose! :)

  8. Oh Lady. If anyone knows your pain, it's me. It's so hard to believe that something good will result in a ride, when every other ride was less than stellar. It's not easy, especially when you had a tramatic experience (you and me both.) I just just say, breathe. Breathe deep, and smile. That's all I can do right now.

  9. You have a healthy positive attitude. You and I have the same goals right now: have fun, be safe. Easier said than done! Though now we have the proper mounts to achieve it. There's no rush to do an event. But I am glad you're doing the XC clinic - I'd put money down that you will be at least one iota less fearful than this past schooling. Its just a numbers game. =]

  10. Katie is dead on! Start with show jumps that you're used to outside. That's a great first step. Jump the little Intro level solid stuff until it's boring and you can do it in your sleep, then move to the BN size ones and jump those until theyre boring...and so on...XC is intimidating, after 20 years of doing it, I ALWAYS have butterflies when I jump outside! But, the more you do it, the more comfortable and confident you'll get. If it's not for you, that's FINE too, you trainer is totally right!

  11. HAVE FUN. And don't put pressure on yourself. Instead of thinking "zomg, we are going to jump BN XC jumps," how about "meh, we'll just wander around and hop over some logs in a field." B/c that's all Maiden/BN XC is -- different shaped "logs" in a field that you hop over on your way from start to finish. Think of it as a marked trail ride instead of a test. You've already made huge leaps with Cuna in your happiness and confidence and I can tell, you're right on the edge of getting to where you want to be.

    I have the perfect solution actually -- you just need to come ride with us. Out-of-shape Solo and I will wander about with you and we'll make it a no pressure thing and all your problems will be solved. Voila!

  12. For me sometimes throwing out old goals really helps!! Simplifying them like you have (have fun, be safe) can take a lot of pressure off of you. :D Keep up the great work! Everyone has given great advice. I was going to suggest the jumping small jumps until they are boring, so on and so on, but I was beat to it lol.


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