It comes to this: I sold Izzy and am buying Cuna because I want to have fun. I don't want to be afraid anymore. I think that's reasonable.
My comfort zone has expanded in leaps and bounds in the past few months. Me, the arena queen who was afraid of crossrails, now boldly hacks out in groups and alone and jumps verticals without too many second thoughts. That's progress. I got there by 1) finding a suitable horse completely by mistake and 2) getting out and doing it.
Both Steph and her clients brought up that I just plain don't have to do cross country if I don't enjoy it. There are lots of other fun things to do on horseback. They're right, but I'm not quite done. Dammit, I want to enjoy this.
To that end, I've thrown all of this summer's goals out the window. We're going to just get out and see if I can find a comfort zone over solid jumps. We're riding in the clinic at the upcoming derby. We're dropping down to the intro division, where Cuna can literally walk over everything they put in front of us.
We jumped yesterday-a single vertical with a short approach and a lot of options on the back side. I trotted and cantered over it until I could focus on the landing and felt comfortable staying in the middle no matter what spot Cuna picked. We jumped today in a lesson. I felt challenged and interested and capable of answering the questions if I tried really hard, which is right where I need to be.
|This was fun.|
I don't know where we're going exactly, but we're going to find a way to enjoy the whole process.
PS I swear there is video. Sometime, I'll even get to see it.